


...how to shoot somebody who outdrew you

by mystified



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Death, Implied Prison Rape, Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg Louis, Past Rape, SHAKY PAST, Sick Character, Tension, blame, character growth., yearning/ feeling of isolation/ feeling lost in the world/ fighting past demons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:23:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 84,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7113343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystified/pseuds/mystified
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Inspired by SOUL (Spirit of Unlimited Love) by ohpleaselarry) two years ago, Louis was a con-artist and Harry his intended target. Louis MO was: to make Harry fall in love with him; marry Harry then divorce him, allowing him to leave the marriage with a handsome amount of money amongst other things (like he has done with previous marriages). Only one problem, Harry knew who he was all along and he flipped the tables on him. Louis’ is taken to court for his crimes by Harry and Louis’ previous marks and this is what follows of his sentence from hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohpleaselarry (thanks for the inspiration)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ohpleaselarry+%28thanks+for+the+inspiration%29).



> I'm a visual person so expect to stumble on a lot of picture in the fic. You're more than welcome to leave ideas where you want the fic to go. I edited this fic a lot, changing ideas and all that before finally settling on this one, so if there are any errors of any kind I apologise in advance and please enjoy.

CHAPTER 1

2 years ago

 

“You are here by sentenced to pay back the exact amount of money and/or whatever else you got out of your marriages to the plaintiffs and are hereby sentenced to two years in prison to atone for your crimes.”

Gasps and sighs and muttering’s break out behind Louis as he stands beside his attorney listening to the judge’s ruling with a blank expression. Neither angered nor relieved by the ruling. He supposes it could be worse, yes he has to pay back the HUGE divorce pay outs he got from his four husbands (the said plaintiffs) and according to his calculations that is a lot of zeros he will no longer have in his bank account. Thank God for investments paying out.

But it’s not like he’s going to go back to being broke after this, he does have a rainy day account set up, ironically from the divorce settlement money he got from his first failed marriage to his wife, the only honest money he’s made if he’s being well…honest.

And he supposes he can rest easy in prison knowing his family is well taken care off, thanks to the money he sent to his mother over the years, plus his mother’s husband from the few times they’ve spoken seems like an okay guy, has a steady job and Louis has no doubt that Dan will be there for his mom and sisters come rain or storm or in this case Louis.

And two years in prison can’t be so bad right? He might not even have to serve his full sentence if he avoids getting in trouble and attract too much attention to himself. Yeah, it won’t be so bad…right

“I am giving you two weeks from today to sort out your affairs Mr Tomlinson; after which you will report back here with your attorney and from there will be taken to prison to serve out your sentencing. Do I make myself clear?”

Louis’ attorney answers for him and once the judge gives a nod of satisfaction she adjourns the court, immediately the court turning in a cacophony of loud whispering and cameras flashing and shoes hitting the floor as soon as the judge leaves the court.

Louis turns to look over at the plaintiffs’ side and his heart shatters at the sight of Harry smiling and hugging his exes. Fuck how Louis wishes that smile was meant for him and those arms were around him. 

Throughout the entire court proceedings, Harry had made it a point to show up to all of them, giving support to Louis’ exes and barely acknowledging Louis’ presence. No, that’s not completely true, he acknowledged Louis twice: first, on the first day of court when he walked in with his ex-husbands in tow and their top of the line tough very expensive attorney. Harry had shot him a smug smile when their eyes met, giving him a: I told you I’d see you in court look.

And the second time was when, Harry was on the witness stand and he had to point out the man (Louis) who had tried to con him out of his money, the same way he had with the other plaintiffs and retold the entire story of how Louis’ “attempts” to seduce him. 

 

It was humiliating to say the least. God his mother was there and had to hear about what a fucking embarrassment Louis is. And the looks of judgment he got from the people both inside and outside of court weren’t helping at all. Not to mention the names he’s been called since his story hit the media. But Louis took it all in stride, with his head held high and air of confidence and calm. Let it not be said that Louis Tomlinson is not a good actor.

“I still think you deserve way worse than what you got you piece of shit.” His ex-husband spits out, pulling Louis from his thoughts.

Louis sighs and looks at him from head to toe before tilting his head to the side in mock confusion and asking: “which one are you again? Number one, two, three or four?” he asks knowing exactly who he is.

“You little—“ he launches himself at Louis, ready to choke him to death with his bare hands, luckily Liam and Niall stepped in shielding Louis from the loon, and the rest of Louis exes holding the loon back. Harry amongst them.

“Don’t worry James. The twink will get his.” David (the sex crazed fuck) says as he glares at Louis. The threat…no the promise behind his words and cold eyes sends a cold shiver to run down Louis spine.

Louis gulps and unwillingly his eyes meets each and every one of his exes: James, David, Frank, (Forth guy whose name I think was never mentioned, but I’m gonna assign him one anyway) Greg. In each of their eyes he can see that same dark promise. Like they know something Louis doesn’t.

Then his eyes land on Harry, no promise in his eyes. No love either. Fuck it hurts.  
Louis holds Harry’s gaze, can’t seem to look away and in return Harry scowls at him, which…ouch.

“Come on sweetheart. Let’s go home.” Jay says, putting an arm around his shoulders and pulling him to her to shield him, mama bear style. Harry eyes flicker to Jay and the comforting gesture and Louis swears he sees guilt in them and perhaps envy.  
And Louis thinks to himself: oh, right. It wasn’t just him Harry played, it was his family also.   
His mother. Who Harry called under the pretence of seeking a mother’s comfort, but was probably just using her to get information on Louis. Suddenly Louis is angry at Harry. The son of a dead bitch (yes he went there) used his mother. And Louis knows it hurt her, ‘cause unlike Harry, Jay’s feelings toward him were genuine and were coming from an honest place.  
Yeah, let him feel guilty, Louis thinks. He may not have Harry’s love, but Harry also does not have Jay’s love, not anymore.

“Ok,” Louis says, Harry’s eyes land on him once again and with that he drives the knife into Harry’s heart and hopes to God it hurts as much as his rejection does. “Mum, let’s go home.”

 

****

 

“And we’re done with the living room. Finally.” Louis says, pushing away the last of the boxes he just taped up containing his things that will be going to storage until he gets out of jail. Louis throws himself on the couch, exhausted and panting.

“You ok?” Liam asks concerned, he sits next to, Louis, and places his hand on Louis forehead, “you’re not looking so good.”

Louis waves it off, leaning into Liam’s cool hand. “Just tired, haven’t been sleeping so good you know.”

“What, guilty conscience eating away at you?” Niall jokes, Louis laughs flipping him the bird.

“No, I’ve just been feeling weird lately. I’ve been throwing up, feeling dizzy, and finding it difficult to breathe. I think I’m coming down with something.”

“Yeah, it’s called a case of heart break with a side of anxiety. You are going to jail after all after a major breakup.” Niall pipes in.

“Niall!” Liam reprimands and both Louis and Niall laugh, though Louis’ laugh is more forced.

“I’m joking, but on a serious note, Lou, you’ve not been looking so good. You should go to the doctor and get yourself checked out, before you know…” Niall touches his wrists together to mimic handcuffs. Louis smiles, touched and amused that he still has his two best friends in his corner despite the shit storm that came down on him 

“As touched by the request as I am, I think I’ll be fine lads. It’s probably just nerves, entering an unknown environment and all that.” 

Louis’ phone beeps, a text from his attorney telling him that he should start heading to court. “Speaking of which, it’s time.”

Silence settles between the three friends, no one moving, just looking at each other. 

“You’ll be out before you know it.” Liam says, attempting to comfort Louis.

“It’s probably going to be a walk in the park for ya.” Niall adds. 

Louis nods determined. “Right, let’s get to it then.” Louis stands up opening his arms up. 

“Bring it in lads, this might be the last time I willingly touch you. Lord knows I might come out a less affectionate man in the place you never drop the soap.” Louis jokes making his friends laugh into the hug. 

Louis sighs. “I’ll miss you guys.”

“Don’t go soft on us Tomlinson, you’re only going in there for two years.” Niall says pulling away from the hug.

Louis rolls his eyes and makes his way outside to Liam’s car his friends following behind him. “Liam don’t forget…”  
“To call the realtor tomorrow I know. What about the furniture, are you taking those in storage too?”

Louis scoffs. “Fuck no. I don’t need anything that is going to remind me of Ha—of my old life. I’m selling the house fully furnished, bed linens and all.”

“Your old life? What, you not planning on getting back to your old tricks?” Niall questions.

“Like that’s possible, people know what I look like now remember. I’ll be so lucky to date someone without them thinking I’m trying to con them out of their money.”

“So, what are you going to do then?”

“Thinking of going legit. Might invest in a start-up business that has potential or something,”   
Louis stops in his tracks and turns to face his friends. “Speaking of which.”

Louis takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to Liam. Confused Liam unfolds the piece of paper and his eyes bulge out. “What’s this for?” mouth hanging open at the zeros written on the cheque.

“That’s a hint Liam, I’m investing in that restaurant I know you’ve been thinking about starting up.”

“How did you…”

“Please Liam,” Louis starts, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. “It’s me we’re talking about, like Niall over here, I know everything.”

Niall huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “Apparently not everything. What restaurant Liam?”

Liam looks to the ground, flustered at the attention. “Just an idea I’ve been playing around with.”

“Now said idea can be a reality and when I come back from jail I hope to see a successful and buzzing new hotspot, coz let’s face it that’s what our restaurant will be, a hotspot. Say it Liam: it will be a hotspot.”

Liam laughs. “It will be a hotspot.”

“Exactly, and when I do come back, hear me now lads. Louis Tomlinson is going to be a changed man.”

****

So prison is harder than Louis thought it would be. For starters he thought the prisoners would mostly, if not only, be white collar crime prisoners, but no there are all kinds of criminals behind the prison walls: white collar crime. Rapists. Abusers. Molesters. Murderers. Robbers and, and, and, the list just goes on.

And the attention Louis has been working so hard on not attracting, he is attracting tenfold than he expected without even trying. It is not helping that he has been dubbed the pretty boy with the nice arse. And it’s not helping that somehow every single prisoner seems to know what he is in for. And not a day goes by that someone hasn’t made a pass at him or threatened to “tear that ass up” when opportunity presents itself (mostly from the rapist and molesters).

He has had several propositions, saying they’ll pay him to fuck them since that is basically the same offer his exes got. He is viewed as a high class prostitute. Prime real-estate and everybody wants a piece.

Not to mention his nausea and throwing up has gotten worse and Louis doesn’t think the cause is nerves and anxiety anymore. Not to mention he thinks he has gained weight in the four months he has been in prison, noticeably in the stomach area. 

He threw up all over his meal a couple of weeks ago and the guards thankfully took him to the prison doctor, who asked him a bunch of questions and Louis answered each one as honest as possible, he even mentioned that he was feeling poorly weeks prior to his imprisonment.  
Concerned, the doctor took some of his blood and told him he will send the blood out for tests, and summon him to his office when he gets the results back.   
Well he got summoned. He is sitting across from the perplexed looking doctor and he is scared shitless of the results of the blood work.

“What’s up doc?” Louis jokes, doing a great impersonation of Bugs bunny as he struggles to make himself comfortable.

“Mr Tomlinson…”

“Louis.” 

“Louis, I don’t know how to say this to you. I’ve never come across this in my line of work before, I’ve only heard about it here and there in the medical grapevine but this is the first I’ve personally had to deal with it.”

“With what?” Louis asks, getting worried. “It’s not like cancer is it?”

“No, it’s not. It’s just as life threatening I suppose.”

“What? What is it?”

“Before I give you the results, I’d like to ask you a question concerning your medical history. Something I missed when reading through your file.”

“Okay,” Louis says impatiently, getting tired and confused with this beating about the bush business.

“Mr Tomlinson, are you aware that you were born with not only the male but female reproductive organs, specifically the ovaries?”

Louis shrugs, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Yeah, but the specialist we went to said it was becoming a common medical occurrence and some other bullshit. He said it wasn’t anything to be concerned about, he said the ovaries were basically useless, like the pancreas. He said they were dormant.”

The doctor nods his head, shifting his leg from one foot to the other. “I don’t know how to say this to you, but—it seems, Mr Tomlinson that...”

“It’s Louis,”

“You’re pregnant.”

There’s a silent pause, then: “I’m sorry what?!”

“You are pregnant, by the looks of it I’d say 19 weeks pregnant.”

“I—I don’t understand, what?” Louis says in shock.

“You’re pregnant.”

Louis lets out a hysterical laugh. “That’s not possible, the specialist said it’s not possible, that nothing would come of the ovaries let alone a pregnancy, how the hell did this happen?”

The doctor shakes his head at a loss for words. “I don’t know, the only logical explanation I can give you is, nature finds a way.”

“No! no! no!” Louis says shaking his head vehemently, his breathing picking up. “It’s not possible, no fucking way. Get rid of it, I want you to get rid of it!!!”

“Louis, I need you to listen to me,” the doctor says, pulling his roller chair closer to Louis, their knees lightly touching. 

“You’re too far along for anything to be done with the foetus. Even if we could, it’d be too risky to even try. If I’m being honest this whole pregnancy is a risk, I’m afraid we can’t do anything about it, not until the 9 months are over. You should know that this pregnancy is going to be delicate and most of all difficult. There have been cases where the father nor the child have made it through delivery. The male body is simply not built to carry a child.

“But there have been cases in women where the fertilized egg attaches itself like in your case to the abdomen instead of the uterus, and as odd defying as that pregnancy was, both mother and child survived and it might be the same in this case. 

“With that being said, Louis, if I were you, I’d contact my attorney and ask him to start an appeal to get out of here sooner than your original sentencing. This delicate situation that you are in and the intense and violent environment of the prison do not go together, especially if the rumours about the interest the other prisoners have taken in you are true.” 

“Louis!” The doctor snaps his fingers in front of a shaking Louis’ face to get his full attention. Louis looks at him, face ghostly pale, breathing heavy. The doctor looks at him sympathetically.

“I’m going to have to inform the warden about this, see what we can do to accommodate your situation. Appeals can take weeks to months even and I’d like to be prepared. You must prepare yourself for the fact that you might have this baby here, you might have to raise it for its first few months in prison until your sentence is up if the appeal does not go through, we will have to wait and see. But know this Louis, you are not alone in this, I’ll help as best as I can. You-are-not-alone.”

****

After the entail shock wears off and the doctors’ words about Louis’ condition and the prison environment not going well together sunk in, Louis sprang into action and he called his attorney and explained the situation. He also requested that his attorney tell his friends and family about the news.

Shocked doesn’t even begin to describe everyone’s reaction to the news. Louis’ attorney got started on the appeal. Louis’s mother and siblings made a point to visit him as much as they could to offer their support and Jay offered her advice. Niall made a generous offer to the prison’s hospital wing and got them new medical equipment, including the equipment needed to monitor Louis’ pregnancy.

The prison accommodated Louis’ condition the best they could, by that I mean, they allowed the medical equipment that Louis needs, and they slightly changed the meal plan by adding more fruits and vegetables to it, but given the situation what more could Louis ask for.

Down side, Louis isn’t allowed to know when he is due, preventative measures to avoid Louis planning an escape, which Louis just thought was silly, there is absolutely no way Louis would ever risk the life of his TWINS , yes TWINS a boy and a girl. 

The reaction from the other prisoners is mixed: most are freaked out and call him just that, a freak, and others, the fucking perverts that they are have intensified their advances on Louis, they even went as far as cornering him in the laundry room, wanting to, quote “breed that bitch up.” 

 

“I can’t deal with this anymore, they’re becoming more and more aggressive, I mean look at this!” Louis raises his arm to his attorney’s face to show him a hand print bruise around his wrist. 

His attorney frowns. “Who did that?”

“Some persistent fuck who can’t take no for an answer, I mean they’re all persistent but this one is like the worst. I feel his eyes on me the whole day and the fucker follows me around, every time I look over my shoulder he is there.”

“Have you made a complaint about this?”

“Yes!” Louis exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air. “And it’s always the same two answers: We’ll look into it, or, we can’t show favouritism to you just because of your condition, if we do the other prisoners will get riled up and that’s a mess we don’t need.”

Louis’ attorney looks at him sympathetically. “You have to hang in there Louis. I’m doing the best I can out here with your appeal.’

Louis sighs, resigned. Rubbing his tired eyes, he leans back on his chair, rubbing his six month preggy belly. “How’s that going?”

“It’s…going. The prosecutor who is against your appeal is questioning the validity of the blood work that proves you’re pregnant, along with the doctor and witness statements or any document that proves your pregnancy a reality. He asked for a court order to bring in his own medical team to run tests and prove basically the same thing I’ve been saying over and over again in court, that you in fact are pregnant.”

“Asshole.” Louis mutters, and his attorney hums in agreement.

“There’s one other thing.”

Louis frowns at his tone. “What?”

“Harry knows you’re pregnant.’

Louis tenses, eyes widening and panic setting in. “How?!”

“The prosecutor, Grimshaw, approached him and asked to represent him, told him everything about the case and advised him to take a paternity test as a first step.”

“First step to what?” Louis asks even though in his gut he already knows.

“Suing you for sole custody. He’s already started building a case painting you as a bad parent. He’s going to make sure that as soon as the twins are birthed they go straight to Harry.  
If this appeal does not go through Louis, rest assured, I will argue that by law the incarcerated birthing parent is allowed to keep the baby with them in prison for the first 18 months of the baby’s life in a safe unit apart from the other prisoners. You’ll be out of here before those eighteen months are over.”

“Fuck,” Louis Louis chokes out, crying at the thought of having his babies taken away from him. “I don’t understand, who is this guy and why is he gunning for me?”

“Nick Grimshaw, he’s an up and comer trying to make a name for himself, his arrogance will be his down fall, trust me.”

“His arrogance might make me lose my babies.” Louis sniffles, looking this attorney with stormy blue watery eyes. “A—and Harry…is he considering this? Is he actually considering taking my babies from me?”

“As of this morning, Harry Styles become, Nick Grimshaw’s newest client.” 

Louis lets out a sob at piece of information. “There’s gotta be something we can do. Some kind of compromise we can come to.”

“The compromise would be offering Harry a joint custody, they might not agree to it though.”

Louis is quiet for a minute processing everything, then…“I need to talk to Harry, I need to make him see reason. Can you please get a hold of him and ask him to come and visit me, we need to talk.”

His attorney nods in agreement in them needing to talk. “I’ll try, I’ll have to get past his guard dog first, Grimshaw, and I’m not promising anything but I’ll try.”

“Thank you.”

****

Louis bounces his leg nervously, his eyes flicking to the visitors door waiting for Harry to walk through the door. His stomach has been in knots since last week when his attorney told him Harry agreed to meet up with him, after much convincing, code for his attorney “advised against it”. Talk about being obvious.

The door to the visitation room opens and Louis’ heart drops down to his stomach and pretty much starts beating at the same fast rate his twins’ hearts are beating at, just from the sight of him. God, it’s really fucking unfair how otherworldly Harry’s looks are. He makes Louis feel self-conscious about his six month preggy belly which makes him look like he is way past his due date. Louis’ long greasy hair and beard he hasn’t bothered going to the prison barber to shave off makes him feel just as worse.

And there Harry is, all broad shoulders and sleek suit and long gorgeous healthy looking shiny lush curls that, Louis, secretly wishes both if not one of the twins inherits cause fuck they’d look so cute with curls, not to mention Harry’s dimples that are not present on his face at the moment but fuck would look just as heart melting on their twins as they do on Harry.

Harry gives Louis a once over, eyes lingering on his belly, expression on his face telling of how he is still trying to wrap his head around the pregnancy as well.

“Hi,” Louis greets drawing Harry’s eyes away from his midsection to his face, as soon as his eyes meet Louis, a cold mask replaces the shocked expression that was on his face.

“You have five minutes,” is all Harry says, putting Louis on the spot.

“Right, uh, I was wondering if we could talk about you possibly reconsidering suing for sole custody and just agree to joint custody instead.” Louis stutters and stumbles not so eloquently through his words, his last words falling flat at Harry’s unmoved mask. 

“My lawyer warned me that this is what the meeting would be about,” Louis balls his hands into fists at the mention of Harry’s lawyer. “He also advised me to not even entertain the idea of sharing custody with you.”

“Why, why the hell not. These are our twins, mine and yours, your lawyer has no say in this.”

“Twins?!” Harrys questions in disbelief, his mask slipping a little, slowly. “We’re having twins?”

Louis’ hands fall to his stomach, caressing it, warmth filling his heart at the new start that is growing in him, a new start he’s excited about, that he’s not ready to give up on. “Yeah, Alana and Ezra.” Louis chuckle-sobs fondly.

“A boy and a girl?” Harry question and Louis nods his confirmation. Harry laughs bright and warm. “You’ve named them already?”

Louis bites his bottom lip nervously, looking down at his belly for a minute then back up at Harry. “I meant it you know, what I said. That I wanted a family with you, children and I know you know I meant it, because well…” you watched me fall in love with you and ripped my heart out, like I planned to do with you, is left unsaid.

“Louis,” Harry starts, Louis raises his hand, cutting Harry off, swallowing the lump in his throat down. 

“I’m not trying to guilt trip you. I know I deserved what you did, I had it coming. It’s just…” his voice cracks and he starts crying, really crying. All the emotions he had bottled up: the hurting from Harry’s rejection. Fear of being in jail and the up and down of it all, not knowing which way is up and not to mention the shock of his pregnancy finally spilling over in that moment.

“I’m sorry.” Louis apologises after a long quiet moment. Face red and wet with tears and nose running. Harry digs through his pockets and hands him a handkerchief, Louis mumbles his thank you under his breath at the gesture, pretending not to notice Harry’s own wet eyes.

“I had something stolen from me Harry. My innocence and my identity, stolen by a man who couldn’t love me but stole me anyway, only for him to decide I was too much of a burden to carry and so left me on the side of the road out in the cold. Alone and abandoned. Only to have another man take me—t-tear his way forcefully into me and completely shattering and breaking me beyond recognition or repair. Both these men leaving me with this emptiness inside that I’ve had to walk with my whole life.”

Louis reaches for Harry’s hand, his own shaking and places Harry’s hand on his belly and his own atop of Harry’s. Wet green and blue eyes locked on each other. Lost in each other.

“We both had our innocence stolen from us at a young age, Harry. The different ways we lost it does not in any way cancel out the pain we both felt. The way we lost our innocence does not in any way make my pain or yours any greater or lesser than the other, pain is equally felt. And I do not want our children to ever feel pain, to ever feel loss, to feel like a part of them is missing. I want our children to have both parents in their lives to feel both our love, even if it’s from two separate households.”

Harry clears his throat, looking down at their connected hands on top of Louis’ belly, his resolve breaking. “Louis,” he tries to fight against it.

“Harry please, these two miracles inside of me are ours. Yours and mine, part of you and part of me. Don’t take them away, please don’t take them away.”

Harry looks up at Louis, reading the sincerity on his face and the fear. “Okay,” Harry breathes out. “Okay, I won’t take them away.” 

Louis lets out a sob, smiling through it. “Thank you. Thank you” 

****

Things don’t turn out as “okay” as Louis thought they would. At first the agreement they settled on was going great. Louis and Harry agreed to shared custody and should Louis’ appeal be rejected then Louis would keep the children with him in prison for the first month or so, so that he gets to bond with them, then after he would hand them over to Harry who will have temporary custody of them while Louis serves his time. With regular visits to keep Louis updated on the twins health and well-being.

After Louis has served his time they will then officially join custody, and figure out visitation in the process. The agreement was practically set in stone. Louis even went as far as contacting his two best-friends and asking them to find him a three bedroom house to stay in, not too far from Harry’s house, which they did. In her excitement, Jay, would come with baby nursery catalogues during her visits, and she and Louis would design how he wanted the twins’ nursery to look.  
It was all practically written in stone. Until a prison fight broke out, Louis getting caught in the middle and a fatal blow to his stomach by his cellmate sending him into early induced labour. Word got back to Harry, through his attorney that it was Louis who started the fight (he didn’t), and swore to Harry that he has a room full of witnesses (he bought) to prove it.

The twins were born two months prematurely. Alana Avery Willow Styles and Ezra Chase Dominic styles.

Harry sued for sole custody and won. Louis’ appeal was rejected and Louis fell into depression. He became withdrawn and he might as well have been walking with a flashing neon sign above him advertising his vulnerability with the way the other prisoners pounced on him.

Thinking back to the day Louis went to prison, he didn’t realise how his words of coming back a changed man would ring true.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way, I know of Nick Grimshaw, (through reading fics on archives) but don't know him outside of that, so don't get upset if I don't depict him how he really is, or how you want him to be.

CHAPTER TWO

 

“I’m sorry Mr Styles, but your daughter’s body rejected the bone marrow.”

“Fuck!!!” Harry screams, knocking the magazines of the table and standing up in the process, raking his hands through his hair in frustration.

The doctor sighs, getting up from the tables he was sitting across on from Harry and faces him. “Mr Styles, I know this is frustrating and I don’t mean to put any more pressure on you than you already have, but this was to be expected, like the other three times we tried. 

Your daughters blood type is rare like I’ve said, meaning she’s a universal donor but not a recipient, with that being said, since she doesn’t match your blood type the other only person I can think of other than your son that matches her is likely the mother, now is there any way you can get in contact with her and ask her to come down for testing?”

“He.” 

“Pardon?”

“The person who gave birth to the twins is a he.”

“Oh.”

“Mm, one of those special cases, kind of like this one.”

“Well is there any way you can get in touch with him and his side of the family, it’s probably best they get tested as well?”

Harry swears under his breath, head in his hands, mind numb and body exhausted from the very little sleep he’s gotten since he woke up one morning two months ago to little Alana screaming her lungs out in pain, and has been screaming her lungs out since she got diagnosed with Leukaemia and her fragile little one year old body had to go through chemo. 

Harry sighs and turns his head slightly in his hand and stares at the doctor intensely. Then says:

 

“We had a falling out of sorts, I haven’t spoken to him since the last time I spoke to him, which was more or less almost two years. I’ve heard rumours that he’s left the country and I’d ask his family and friends how to get a hold of him, but they all hate my guts, so…” He shrugs in defeat.  
“Well, Mr Styles, try is the best. If you want to save your daughter’s life I suggest you bite the bullet and get in contact with his family, time is not our friend in this case, not anymore.”

Harry nods absentmindedly, thinking back to the last time he saw Louis. Seven months after the twins were born.

FLASH BACK

 

Harry rushes into the house nearly running over the nanny he hired in his rush. “Where is he?!” He all but screams down her throat. The startled nanny points up the stair with a shaking finger. 

“He’s in the nursery with the twins.” She squeaks out.

Harry gives her cold look. “You left him alone with my kids!”

The nanny’s eyes widen, close to tears. “He said he was the father then he walked past me, I called you as soon I could.”

Harry runs up the stairs heading to the twins’ nursery. He freezes when he sees Louis, his back turned to him, holding Ezra in one arm and singing some song Harry can’t recall under his breath; Louis’ other hand stretched out into little Alana’s crib his hand brushing her hair as she lays on her back in her crib looking up at Louis and her brother. 

Both infants surprisingly quiet, not at all fazed by the stranger in their room whom they’ve never laid eyes on and don’t know is their father. 

“What are you doing?” Harry asks once the shock of seeing Louis wears off. Louis jumps, haven’t not noticed Harry standing there too engrossed with the twins to notice. He turns and looks at Harry, and Harry frowns noting his pale complexion, the bags and dark circles under his eyes and the way his clothes hang of his body loosely. 

 

 

 

 

 

“How are you here right now, your appeal was rejected?” Harry questions.

Louis shrugs and goes back to back to concentrating on the kids. “I got out on good behaviour, a.k.a the prison was overcrowded and they needed the beds so they go rid of the less threatening prisoners.” Louis answers, his voice void.

“Ok,” Harry takes a step in the room gingerly, trying not to make sudden movements, not knowing what mental state Louis might in, but judging by his physical appearance, Harry doesn’t think it’s a good one. “What are you doing here, in my house, with my kids?”

“They’re my kids too!” Louis seethes, tone venomous, eyes glaring daggers into Harry who halts in his steps. Ezra starts whimpering in Louis’s arm, picking up on the change in his mood. Louis coos at him apologising under his breath, telling him it’s ok.

“Biologically they’re yours, legally they’re not.”

Louis laughs mockingly. “Wonder whose fault is that.”  
Harry frowns, balling his hands into fists. “Yours, it’s your fault! You’re the one who was stupid enough to start a fight in prison in your condition and put MY children in harm’s way.”

Louis shakes his head. “I didn’t start that fight.”

“Yeah, well Nick has witness statements saying otherwise.”

Louis scoffs. “Right, Nick. The lawyer.” He looks at Harry disapprovingly. “The hotshot boyfriend, who’s never lost a case. The reason I—” Louis visibly shudders, dark thoughts filling his mind. “He…they…you.”

Harry frowns at Louis’ noticeable inner turmoil, he takes tentative steps towards Louis, reaching his hand out to touch him and Louis jerks away from his light touch like it’s poisonous. 

“Don’t! Don’t touch me.” Louis whimpers, taking another step back from Harry and Holding Ezra a little closer to his chest for comfort. He looks at Harry with wide fearful eyes.

“You broke me.” Louis chokes out, tears falling uncontrollably. “You and the bastards you call your friends. You weren’t satisfied with my going to jail and paying my dues, you all had to go the extra mile didn’t you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you going back on our deal and taking my kids away from me. I’m talking about you and them sending that…that.” He squeezes his eyes shut, body shaking now uncontrollably, like he’s bones are trying to make their way out of his flesh. His tainted flesh. 

“Sending that monster in there to d-do all those h-h-horrible things he did to me, knowing I wouldn’t fight back, couldn’t fight him of.”

Harry tenses, the dots connecting in his head forming a picture he wishes, hopes isn’t true. “Louis…”  
Louis shakes his head. “I didn’t even get to hold them before you took them from me, I—” Louis cries, his tears falling down on Ezra’s face who also starts crying and like a domino effect so does Alana. 

Harry stands there at a loss of what to do. Horrified at what Louis’ riddling words mean.

“What the hell.” Harry looks over his shoulder and finds Nick standing there frowning at the scene in the room. “I came as soon as I got your message. Nick explains, he then sets his sights on Louis and sneers out. “What’s he doing here?” not waiting for an answer he reaches inside of his pocket for his phone. “I’m calling the police.” 

“Don’t.” Harry orders, reaching inside Alana’s crib and holding her to his chest to comfort her.

“But Harry…”

“No, Nick! Give is a minute.” 

Nick scoffs and glares at Louis who’s looking between him and Harry with wet eyes. “I’m not leaving you alone with him.” 

“Nick!” Harry warns. Nick shakes his head disapprovingly and walks out of the room.

Louis sniffles and speaks out suddenly grabbing Harry’s attention from Nick’s retreating back. “I didn’t come here to cause any trouble,” he says brokenly quiet. “I just came to say goodbye to the twins. I just— I’m not me anymore. I just feel so, dirty and disgusting and used, I don’t want to contaminate my kids.”

He looks down at a now whimpering Ezra and smiles down at him wetly. “I don’t want to leave you, I don’t want to abandon you, but I don’t have a choice. I want you to know that. I love you.” 

He kisses his son’s cheek, then walks past Harry, taking care not to come in contact with him, and stops in front of Ezra’s crib and places him down in it. He then turns to Harry and holds his shaking arms out for Alana. Harry numbly hands her over.

“I love you also, so very much. Look after your younger brother for me. He’s the only one you can truly trust, I’m gonna miss you both.” Like her brother he does the same to her and kisses her on the cheek and places her in her crib, like he’d dreamed of doing, only in his dream he wasn’t saying goodbye to them, just goodnight and sleep tight. 

He looks down at them, his heart breaking at the sight, “Look after my kids Harry. Look after our kids.” 

And with that final wish, he walks out of the room, willing himself not to turn back, each steps he takes away from his family made harder by the cries that break out as soon as he disappears through the door.


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not sure if the pictures are showing on your side, if not, could somebody help me with that please. much appreciated

CHAPTER THREE

 

 

“I can’t believe he moved to America. New York of all places.” Harry says, walking behind Niall into Louis’ apartment building. “He told me he’s never travelled outside of London before.”

“Yeah well, that was before. He didn’t feel safe in London anymore, he was afraid certain people,” Niall looks over his shoulder pointedly at Harry. “Would still try to hurt him even after everything said people put him through.”

Harry clears his throat and looks down at his feet. “You do know that whatever happened to Louis in prison had nothing to do with me right?

Niall scoffs and presses the button to call for the elevator. “No, we don’t. But even if you had nothing to do with what happened to him in there, you’re still the asshole that took his children from him and told his crazy exes where to find him, and they did the rest.”

The elevator ride to Louis’ floor is filled with tense silence and Harry is relieved when they finally reach Louis’ door. Niall takes out a key from his pocket and inserts it inside the lock, the lock turns but the door does not open when Niall tries to push it open. “What the hell.” 

Niall knocks on the door and a sound of something hitting the floor halts his knocking, then swearing and shuffling follows, along with the sound of multiple locks being unlocked before the door is swings open halfway to reveal…not Louis?

“Can I help you?” the man behind the door asks and Niall frowns, confused and not knowing who the stranger is.

“Who the hell are you?” Niall asks his question worrying Harry. 

“Who’s asking?”

“The person whose apartment this is and whose name is on the lease. The person whose best friend is supposed to be staying here and not some, super model.” Niall exclaims. “Who the hell are you?”

A looks crosses the man’s face at word “super model” before looking down at his feet. “Names Zayn.” He answers.

“Ok, Zayn, where the hell is Louis?”

Zayn looks at them with a frown, slitting his eyes in suspicion. “Who’s asking?”

“Niall Horan, his best friend from London, I’m guessing you’re familiar with the place judging from your accent and all.”

Recognition flashes through Zayn’s eyes at the name, his eyes then train on Harry and zeroes in onthe purple bruise on Harry’s cheek and his split lip. 

Harry touches his bruised cheek at the obvious gawking and winces at the memory of how it got there. Long story short he walked into Liam’s restaurant, Simply tasteful, two days ago to ask for a way to get in contact with Louis and got punched in the face twice by Liam as an answer. Worse would have probably happened if he hadn’t been quick to explain the reason for his visit. 

“I’m Harry.” He replies to Zayn’s silent question.

Zayn frowns at the mention of his name. “Harry as in the ex?” Harry hesitantly nods in reply and Zayn’s whole demeanour changes and face darkens. “There’s no Louis here.” He then shuts the door in their faces.

“Hmm, you just make friends everywhere you go don’t you Styles,” Niall says sarcastically before banging on the door. “Zayn open up, we need to talk to Louis, it’s important.”

“There’s no Louis here, go away.” Zayn shouts from inside.

Harry starts to say something but Niall quickly cuts him off. “Considering how he reacted to your name, maybe it’s best that I talk.” Harry nods reluctantly.

“Zayn, one of the twins is sick, his daughter Alana. She’s seriously sick and we need Louis to fly back to London with us if she has any chance of getting better.” Niall tries to reason.  
It’s quiet on the other side of the door so he continues, hoping he is getting through. “Look I can tell you’re a good friend by the fact that you’re willing to protect Louis by denying him, because you recognised one of us hurt him badly.”

“Understatement!” Zayn shouts from the other side of the door, “Why would you bring him here if you know what he did?” 

“Because he came to us for help. Zayn, Alana… she’s really sick and she needs Louis, please help us.”  
It’s quiet for a moment, for Harry who knows time is of the essence, it feels like eternity before Zayn opens the door and emerges from the apartment, arms crossed over his chest, guard still up but eyes vulnerably wide. “How sick?”

“Very sick,” Harry jumps in.

Zayn not trusting Harry looks to Niall for confirmation which he gives him with a nod and Zayn sighs. “Louis is not here. His at a support group meeting, I’ll take you to him, just let me grab my jacket.”

****

Louis looks down at the members of the support group. Some of them familiar faces that he met at the trauma centre he admitted himself to about a year ago, where he met Zayn. And others he met here when the therapist at the centre suggested to both he and Zayn to continue their therapy outside of the centre after they’d completed their programme.

To be honest he hates having to stand up on the impromptu stage and having to share his feelings, because all the eyes on him make him feel naked and vulnerable but he has come to learn that talking about what’s happened to him really does help lessen the intensity of the negative feelings his heart carries, it helps keep away the dark thoughts.

“…so in conclusion to all of that. I just want to recite a poem that best describes where I am at this point of my recovery. I’m not good with words, so a poem is going to have to do,” he chuckles sheepishly, nervously, his fellow members laugh at that.

This poem is titled Love after Love by Derek Walcott. He nods his head and clears his throat, then starts.

“The time will come  
When, with elation,  
You will greet yourself arriving  
At your own door, in your own mirror,  
And each will smile at the other’s welcome,  
And say, sit here, eat.  
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.  
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself,  
To the stranger who has loved you all your life,  
Whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart.  
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,  
The photographs, the desperate notes,  
Peel your own image from the mirror.  
Sit. Feast on your life.”

****

“That was a beautiful poem Louis, really proud of you.” One of the group members says to Louis patting him on the back, Louis smiles shyly and looks down at his shoes. “Thank you.”

He lifts his head again to look for Zayn in the sea of…river really of people. Zayn promised he’d be there to witness a turn of a page in Louis’ life, they’ve been through so much both individually (both victims of rape) and together (regarding their recovery). Zayn had been Louis’ roommate in the trauma centre, and was very quiet, barely spoke and Louis was more or less the same.

Their co-existence was a silent agreement that required no words: you keep on your side of the room and I’ll keep to mine, no questioned asked and definitely no forced conversation endured.

That was until Zayn mentioned in group, in those rare occasions he spoke that he was molested by his mother, and expressed how he could not think of a more extreme form of betrayal.

The abuse started when he turned fourteen, puberty having already hit and Zayn transforming from an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan. It started with light touches barely noticeable, could hardly be viewed as threatening then they progressed from there. It went on for two years, then he’s parents got divorced and when he and his sisters had to pick which parents they wanted to live with, Zayn, answered without hesitation that he wanted to live with his dad. Which was surprising to his dad considering they weren’t really that close.

His mother of course, not giving on her sick fixation, would drop by the house randomly unannounced in hopes of finding him alone, but Zayn made sure that he was out of the house, and he hung out with a bad crowd from school because if it. Fortunately his dad got a job offer in London and he and Zayn moved from Bradford to the city. He kept all the pain and anger inside for years until a year before Louis came to the centre.

His then soon to be stepmother started with the same light touches as his biological mother and those too advanced to more, but before she could really do anything damaging, his dad walked in and found them; Zayn half-naked, trembling with eyes wide filled with fear and his fiancé fully naked on top him touching him through his briefs.

She of course, said it was Zayn that had seduced her. Zayn said nothing in his defence too traumatised to say a word, reading the situation for what it was, his dad sent his fiancé packing and Zayn halfway across the world to the centre. When he dropped Zayn of he said: “I thought I could forgive it with your mother, but now the same thing is happening all over again. I can’t keep losing the women I love to my son. Get help and get out of my life.

When the therapist asked the group if anyone can relate, Louis, on autopilot shared his story. In the end the group was silenced by the two tragic stories and both Louis and Zayn where crying their eyes out. That night when they went to bed, Zayn did something neither have ever done to the other for the three months they’ve been roommates, with his back turned to Louis he whispered goodnight and after a moment of disbelief Louis did the same.

They started gravitating towards each other more in the centre, their pain and loneliness nodding at the other in recognition. And when they were both informed that they’d be discharged soon, Zayn told Louis that he didn’t have anywhere to go, that no one wanted him, told him he wasn’t ready (if ever) to go back to London. Louis invited him to stay at the apartment with him and the two have been living in a bubble of co-dependency since. 

 

Spotting the back of Zayn’s head by the exit, Louis, runs to him and taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, he would have jumped on his back, but he knows how his friend (like himself) is weary of people touching him, unless it’s Louis ‘cause he trusts him and vice versa.

Zayn turns around, eyes filled with guilt and Louis is about to ask him what the matter is when he spots it over Zayn’s shoulder. Harry fucking Styles who is staring right back at Louis, eyes widely beautiful as Louis remembers.

“Zayn?” Louis looks at his roommate with confusion and betrayal.

“I can explain,” Zayn says reaching for Louis hand and squeezing it in reassurance.

“Well actually, Harry is the one that needs to explain,” Niall says from behind Louis, with a freaking cupcake in hand having already found the refreshment table.

“Niall?” Louis says in surprise and delight. How he’s missed his friend.

“Hey, Tommo.” Niall smiles, opening his arms up in invitation to a hug, knowing Louis’ reservation to being touched and Louis walks into the offered hug, all smiles and happy tears. 

“What are you doing in New York?”

“I came here with Harry.” Niall offers in explanation and Louis tenses in his arms. “He has something to tell you Louis, and you have to hear him out, it’s about Alana.” Louis steps out of Niall’s arms.

“What about Alana?” he asks Niall, not daring to look at Harry.

“Maybe it’s best we talk about this at the apartment, preferably with you sitting down.” Niall says and Louis frowns. He turns to look at Harry, really looks at him and sees how out of sorts he looks, the man is still good looking don’t get him wrong, but Louis can now see that something is wrong.

“What’s wrong with Alana?” Louis asks the tall man.

Harry shoves his hands in his pockets and nods his head in Niall’s general direction. “Niall’s right, we should talk about this at the apartment.”

****

“Lou?” Zayn knocks lightly on the bedroom door, Louis lifts his head up from the pillow, sniffling. “Hey,” says quietly entering the room and leaving the door slightly open. He gets under the covers with Louis and covers him up and cuddles him in (coz when has an Ed Sheeran song ever not fit).

They stay cuddled up in silence, apart for Louis sniffling, for a couple of minutes then Louis turns in Zayn’s arms so they are face to face, legs slotted together and nose one sneeze away from bumping into each other. “You know don’t you?” Louis inquires.

“That you’re going back to London, yeah I figured.”

“I don’t know what else to do, I don’t know what other choice I have.”

“She is your daughter Lou. We always promised that it would take a really good reason to convince us to go back to London. Yours came knocking today.” Zayn reaches out and wipes away at the fresh tears falling down Louis’ cheeks.

“I don’t wanna leave you,” Louis confesses, his words reminding him of the time he said the same words to Ezra and as soon as the words leave Louis’ mouth Zayn joins in Louis’ crying.

“I wish I could come with you Lou and support you, but…” Zayn starts.

“You’re not ready.” Louis finishes.

Zayn nods, wiping his own eyes with his sleeves. “Still waiting for my reason, I’m sorry Lou. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Louis promises. “It’s okay.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos. BTW I'm giving up on the pictures they're clearly not showing

CHAPTER FOUR

 

Seven o clock the following morning sees Louis standing by the door with a travel bag by his feet hugging Zayn to death, out of knowledge that they’ve reached that point in their friendship where each has to learn to stand on their own two feet and not lean on the other as they’ve learned to do for the past couple of years, and mostly out of fear of having to go back to London to his old life, to his dark past. 

“You take care of yourself,” Louis orders and Zayn chuckles into his shoulder and nods.

“I will,” Zayn promises.

“I mean it Zayn, I know you don’t like to go outside much, let alone to the shops, and you’d much rather stay indoors with your art and cigarettes but those two things do not apply as foods groups.” Louis scolds. 

“I don’t wanna come back here to find your skeleton hunched over a sketch pad on the couch, with a pencil between its fingers and a cigarette bud hanging of its jaw.” They both laugh at the ridiculous image of that and give each other one final squeeze before stepping away from the hug. 

“Good luck in London, I hope everything works out fine.”

Louis smiles at Zayn’s words. “Me too.” Niall chooses that moment to walk out from the guest room with his cell phone in hand.

“Lou, we should get going,” Niall says waving his phone in the air. “Harry is waiting for us at the airport.”

“Right, we should go.” Louis picks up his bag off the floor and shoulders it, he then pulls Zayn in for a final hug. “I’ll call when we land.”

“You do that.”

Louis steps out of the hug, ruffles Zayn’s hair because he knows Zayn secretly love it when he does that even though he’ll make a show of huffing and pouting like he’s doing now. Louis opens the front door and gestures for Niall to walk out first, he gives Zayn one final smile before walking out and closing the door softly behind him. 

He waits for the tell-tale sound of the multiple locks on the door to sound before doing their secret knock on the door, letting the other know that: “this is it, I’m leaving” and Zayn reciprocates with his own knock giving the okay and basically saying: “I’ll see you later.”

Louis turns to Niall who raises a questioning eyebrow at the whole song and dance of the two’s goodbye and Louis shrugs smiling sheepishly and only offers “It’s our thing,” as an explanation.

 

****

The flight back to London on Harry’s private jet is…quiet and the air tense. Harry and Louis all too aware of the others presence even though they are sitting in separate sits at both ends of the jet. 

“So, that was a great poem you read up there at the meeting, didn’t know you were into poetry.” Niall says voice groggy and out of nowhere, just woken up from the three hour nap he took the moment the plane took off.

Louis startles at the sudden disturbance of the silence. “Geez Niall, warn somebody.”

Niall cackles and kicks Louis’ leg lightly with his polka dot socked foot. “Go on tell me, when did you get into poetry?”

“I didn’t get into it, not really. What I got into was reading.” Louis explains, marking the page with the book mark Zayn made him and shutting the book to focus his attention on Niall.

“Yeah I noticed, my apartment was just filled with books wall to wall and on every surface pretty much, some of them were even spilling out of the rooms you could swear the place was a library.” Niall over exaggerates and Louis laughs, telling him as much.

“Reading is just a hobby I took up after leaving the centre, we were advised to. Most of the people who leave the centre, really all those who leave the centre are never really fully healed, and they pick up bad habits when they’re out there because they no longer have the structure they had when in the centre, so we were told to choose, either pick up a book or a bottle, a paint brush or a needle, as long as we are aware of which of the two is harmful to the progress we made.”

“Mm, preach Tommo preach!” Niall jokes and Louis blushes pushing his glasses back up his nose.

“So were those the only options then, pick up reading or a paint brush, and let’s keep in mind here you’re crap at art so you really reading was the only choice you had?”

“No you idiot,” Louis picks up his books and swats at Niall who laugh and ducks away from the blow. “There were other options, like gardening, working out, cooking classes, yoga, writing, and heck even learning a new skill.”

“And you went with reading.”

“And I went with reading. I kept thinking about all the books I bought over the years and never read so it made sense and Zayn picked up art, he’s always been good at it according to him so he decided to sharpen his skills and broaden his horizon, and not just limit himself to sketching. He paints now and spray paints, he’s even taking classes on how to make sculptures and…”

Louis cuts himself, frowning at Niall’s smug smile. “What, why are you smiling like that.”  
“Just wrapping my head around this new you, who looks like my friend and sounds like him but you’re different now,”

Louis shrugs and looks out the window. “People change, Niall, sometimes by choice and other times not.” The weight of those words and the hidden message behind it ends the conversation.

The air is quiet and heavy all over again, and Niall scrambles to find the words to lighten the mood, but he can tell from the distant haunted look in Louis’ eyes that his attempts would be futile. 

Fortunately Niall’s stomach comes to the rescue when it lets out an obnoxious growl that has both Louis and Niall laughing. “Still an endless pit I see.” Louis quips and Niall shrugs nonchalantly.

“It is what it is.” Niall says standing and stretching. “I’m gonna go and scavenge for food, can I bring you anything?”

“I’m good.”

Niall nods and heads to the kitchen. Louis lays back on the seat shutting his eyes and thinking of what awaits him in London and before he knows it he’s asleep.

 

****

The wheel of the plane hitting the runway is what wakes Louis up. His stomach drops when it hits him in his sleep induced haze that they’ve arrived, they’re in London.

“You two could probably sleep through an earth quake,” Harry says and Louis tenses at the close proximity of it, he tears his eyes from the window and looks at the seat in front of him making eye contact with Harry who offers him a smile.

An awkward silence follows, Louis not really knowing what to say back. He and Harry haven’t really spoken beyond the short lived interaction at the group meeting, he hadn’t said anything while Harry was explaining Alana’s condition and what would be needed of Louis, at that time he was still digesting the information he was being given, and he only offered Harry a head nod in greeting that morning when he and Niall got on the plane.

Harry clears his throat and starts gathering his things that are on the make shift table between them, Louis looks down at the paper work and open laptop and realises that Harry has probably been sitting across from him for a while, the book he was reading is sitting at the corner of the table neatly and the glasses he’s sure he fell asleep wearing are on top of it.

“Work?” Louis inquires nodding to the mess on the table.

“Yes, I’ve been catching up on it, haven’t really had the chance to focus on work much between being at the hospital with Alana and at home with Ezra.”

Louis nods his head in understanding, biting down on his bottom lip nervously, not sure if he’s allowed to ask about his own son’s wellbeing, after all the only reason he’s even allowed to go anywhere near Alana is because she’s sick and Harry needs Louis if she has any fighting chance of getting better (which Louis didn’t even have to think twice about helping). Louis is not even sure if he’ll even get to see Alana.

And if Harry does allow Louis to see the twins for whatever reason he’d allow it and Louis gets to see them and bond with them like he’s dreamed of doing, what happens after Alana gets better, is Louis supposed to say goodbye and go back to his life in New York? Go back to not having any contact at all with the twins? Is that what Harry expects…would he be so cruel?

“Louis.” Harry snaps his fingers in front of Louis’ face. Louis’ automatic response is to look across to the seat in front of him and frowns when he finds it empty, he looks down at the table which is also free of Harry’s stuff.

“Louis?” it’s Niall who calls for his attention this time and Louis looks up to see Niall and Harry standing above him looking down at him with concern, well Louis is sure it’s concern he sees on Niall face, with Harry, Louis can’t really be sure, can’t trust that he is concerned.

“What?”

Niall and Harry look pointedly at Louis right hand which is clutching his glasses so tightly that one of the lenses has popped out of the from the frame and a piece of said frame has broken off.

“Oh.”

“Are you ok?” Niall asks and Louis nods putting the glasses in his pocket to deal with later.

“Yeah, just got lost in my head that’s all.” Louis stands up and stretches his back. He lets out a sigh when the bones in his back let out that satisfying cracking sound only a good stretch can bring.

Someone clears their throat and Louis opens one eye looking at Niall who is glaring at Harry, Harry who flushes and evades his eyes from Louis’ lower stomach, it only takes Louis a moment to realise what it is exactly Harry is looking at. Looking down at his shirt which has ridden up Louis can see the caesarean section scar that now graces his lower abdomen with its permanent presence that has long since healed but will never fade.

A scar that will always serve as a reminder that yes, Louis was actually pregnant, and yes, he did actually give birth, and the pain he endured during the whole birthing process was not some phantom feeling his mind conjured up. The scar certainly served as a painful reminder when he woke up in the prison hospital wing after passing out from the exhausting procedure two weeks later to find no babies by his side, and in his tired state he thought he’d dreamed up the entire pregnancy.

That was until he touched his stomach and felt the then sensitive stitched up and bandaged scar, that he realised that yes he was in fact pregnant, but were where his children. His mind went to the worst case scenario and thought that they didn’t make it, that they’d died, and he started crying, heart breaking sobs escaping his lips.  
The doctor came in at that moment and the look on his face had Louis convinced that he was correct in thinking the twins had died.

 

FLASH BACK

“No, no, no, no,” Louis sobs, “Tell me it’s not true tell me they made it! Tell me they made it!” Louis screams hysterically. The doctor rushes to Louis’ side all the while trying to calm him down.

“Where are they? Where are my babies?” Louis tries to sit up despite the pain coming from his lower abdomen.

“Louis, I’m gonna need for you to calm down and lay back down you’re gonna pull your stiches, Louis!”

Louis looks the doctor in the eye, gripping his arm. “Tell me where they are first.”

“They’re with their father, they’re healthy and they’re ok.”

“Harry?”

“Yes, they’re with Harry.”

Louis breathes a sigh of relief and allows the doctor to gently push him back down. “What happened? The last thing I remember is you holding one of them then everything went black.”

“Your body went into shock and you into a coma soon after. The twins were ok, no complication with them but it was touch and go with you for a while there, we weren’t sure you were going to make It.” the doctor explains.

Louis nods his head. It all makes sense he supposes, the reason why the twins aren’t by his side like he and Harry had agreed they would be, they thought he was going to die so naturally it would make sense for Harry to take the twins earlier than what they’d agreed to. Yeah it all makes sense.

“When can I see them? Is Harry allowed to bring them here so I can see them, are they strong enough to make the visit?” Louis can’t help but get excited at the idea of getting to see his babies.

The doctor frowns, knowing he’s going to have to be the bearer of bad news. “Mr Tomlinson…”

“Louis,” he corrects him, getting the feeling of déjà vu from when the doctor told him the shocking news of his pregnancy. Only this time Louis isn’t prepared for the words that are to come.

“Louis, Mr Styles won’t be bringing the twins here anytime soon.”

“Until they’re healthy enough you mean.”

“I mean ever.”

Louis’ heart drops to his stomach at the translation of those three words. “And why not?”

The doctor places his hand on Louis’ hand trying to comfort him and Louis swats it away. “Why the hell not?”

“It’s my understanding that, Mr Styles is under the impression that you started that fight that resulted in you going into labour sooner than expected therefore putting his children in duress.”

Louis swallows down the lump in his throat, not liking where the conversation is going. “Why’d you say his children?”

“There’s no easy way to say this, but given the circumstances, it seems that, Mr Styles was granted sole custody of the twins—permanently.”

END OF FLASH BACK

 

“Louis,” Niall places his hand on Louis’ shoulder trying to get his attention and Louis flinches away from the touch nearly toppling back down on the seat.

“Don’t touch me!”

Niall takes a step back at Louis reaction. “I’m sorry, you zoned out, I was just trying to…” 

Niall trails off, even going as far as looking to Harry for help, who knows that reaction very well having endured it himself. Louis takes his bag from under his seat and gets of the plane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what do you guys think, should Ezra feature in the next chapter? should Nick? should Harry allow Louis to see either twin? what do you want to happen in the next chapter, let me know?


	5. chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope there aren't too many mistakes, I didn't get to edit.

CHAPTER FIVE

“What are you doing?” Harry asks not bothering to lift his head of the pillow, he’s tired and so not in the mood for a morning quickie right now.

Nick continues leaving a trail of kisses up Harry’s spine, kissing his shoulders and neck trying to get him in the moods. “What do you think I’m doing?”

Harry shakes Nick of off him so he can go back to sleep. “I’m thinking I’m not in the mood.”

“Come on Styles, let’s not pretend this won’t happen.” Nick continues with his attempt at “seduction” by trailing his hand down Harry’s front going south towards his crotch, Harry grips at Nick’s hand, stopping it on its journey and removing it from his stomach.

“Nick, I said I’m not in the mood.”

“For fuck sake!” Nick exclaims sitting with his back to the headboard, face screwed up “When are you ever in the mood.”

Harry sighs agitated. Whatever little sleep he planned on having before the starting off his day now slipping away, meaning he’s going to have to run on fumes, like he’s been doing for the past couple of months and he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep going before he’s completely burned out.

“Well excuse me if I can’t just turn a switch and get in the mood for you Nick, I’m sorry if sex is the very last thing on my mind, it’s not like my daughter is in the hospital fighting for her life or anything!”

The muscles in Nick’s face tighten and he glares at Harry. “Well excuse me for being HUMAN then!” Nick mocks sarcastically.

“Would it kill you to be supportive, I’m going through a difficult time right now Nick, and it would help if my BOYFRIEND was a little more helpful and a little less sarcastic.” Harry shakes his head and throws the covers off his body and gets out of bed.

“When exactly have I not been helpful, when have I not been here for you?” Nick says also getting out of bed and standing in front of Harry getting in his way to the bathroom.

“Really you want to get into that right now, fine. How about how you conveniently started working late and waking up early to get to work ever since Alana started getting worse?  
Or how you change the subject whenever I try to talk to you about the day I had, or about Alana? Or how you just came back from a three day convention, which by the way you never bothered going to for the past two years I’ve known you, because quote: “It’s a waste of time and a bore,” but this year you just HAD to go!”

“I did have to go! You know networking is important in my profession, you shake hands with the right people and…”

“You’ll have someone in your back pocket you can call for a favour, yes I know. But I needed you, I had you in my back pocket and I called to you for a favour and you just hung up on me. I needed you to stay here and look after Ezra, while I went to New York to ask for help from the only hope I have left to help Alana. 

“Do you have any idea how difficult that was for me, Nick? Do you have any idea how heavy and burdening the guilt I have carried all these years is? How much heavier the guilt got when I had to knock on this person’s door and ask for help because he was my last resort. 

“To ask him to forget all the hurt I inflicted on him by taking away two of the people he loves most in this world, only to turn around and inflict more hurting by telling him that one of those two precious people might die?” Harry’s voice breaks, “Fuck!” He screams throwing his change of clothes on the floor and placing his hands on his hips, fighting to keep his emotions in check.

“I hope you’re not talking about who I think you’re talking about.” Nick accuses and Harry’ silence is all the answer he needs. “Are you fucking with me right now? Tomlinson, you went and brought Tomlinson back into your children’s lives, you’re willing to put them through that mess?”

Harry glares at him through wet eyes. “Yes, I was desperate and needed him here.”

“And you told him this and he just came running?”

“It is his daughter’s life at risk here.” Harry lets out a resigned sigh, he walks to the bed and sits on the edge of it his face in his hands.

“No, what this is is an opportunity for Tomlinson to worm his way back into your life. Back into twins’ life and manipulate things, Harry.”

“Nick!” Harry groans.

“What, once a con-artist always a con artist.” He laughs and fixes Harry with a gleam of deviltry in his eyes. “He’s good, I mean him showing up here after he got out of jail and putting on the show he did, planting the seed of guilt in your head and watering it with his crocodile tears and then dropping of the face of the earth the way he did, because he knew it would eat away at you, and all he had to do after that was sit back and wait.”

Harry shakes his head “I can’t believe I’m about to entertain this, but, what? What did he have to wait for?” 

“Opportunity.” Nick says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Opportunity.” Harry deadpans.

Nick drops at Harry’s feet on his knees. “Yes, opportunity. Harry, babe. I know con-artists, those people are opportunistic, duplicitous, fucking chameleons and most of all they are patient sons of bitches. All Louis needed to do is wait for the perfect opportunity to present itself so he can use it to worm his way back into your life.”

Harry stares at Nick for a moment before he falls back on the bed laughing at the ridiculousness of Nick’s conspiracy theory, coz let’s face it that is exactly what it is.

“I’m being serious, haz.”

You’re being ridiculous,” Harry says between laughter. “Louis couldn’t have predicted that Alana would get sick and that I’d reach out.”

“Of course not, any reason could have bought him back to London, but this is the one that presented itself to him and it’s second nature to him to be deceitful and jump at any opportunity, he is going to milk it for all its worth.”

Harry props his body of the bed by his elbows and looks at Nick, with a little bit of amusement and a little bit of concern “You haven’t seen him Nick. He’s changed, he’s no longer that loud, obnoxious and arrogant guy that walked into my life and tried to con me, he’s meek now, timid and quiet and trust me never in a million years did I think I’d use those words to describe Louis Tomlinson, but that’s exactly who he is now.”

““Look like the innocent flower but be the serpent under it.”” Nick quotes. “Just saying.” Nick gets back up on his feet and makes his way to the bathroom soon the sound of the shower running fills the room.

Harry stares at the open bathroom door, allowing Nick’s word set in. the idea isn’t exactly farfetched Harry thinks. Louis did after all play shy and innocent as a means of seduction to lure him and trap him in his web of lies only for Louis to get tangled up in his own web.

And he played on Harry’s feeling’s during Harry’s visit on Louis’ request, talking about raising the kids together and never hurting them, only to turn around and start a prison fight that almost did exactly that.

Harry wonders if Louis the same thing now, playing Harry’s obvious vulnerability and exhaustion. Is Louis Tomlinson really that good of an actor?

“Are you coming to join me?” Nick’s voice filter out from the bathroom.

Harry considers going back to sleep instead, to catch a few more minutes of shut eye before Ezra wakes up, buuuuuuuut he could really do with the relief, the tension he’s been caring around can’t be good for his shoulders and back. 

“Why the fuck not.” Harry mutters to himself, taking of his briefs and getting of the bed and joining Nick in the shower.

 

****

“We’re not talking about this, do you hear me we’re not!” 

Louis sits up sluggishly in bed, exhaustion still settled in his bone from the long flight and the short visit to the hospital after landing so Louis’ blood could be taken and tested, the results really didn’t take that long to come in, and yes he’s a perfect and close match, certainly closer match than the previous unrelated donors, but still the events took it out of him.  
He takes in his surroundings, they’re unfamiliar to him at first then he remembers he is at Liam’s and Sophia’s place, and yes that was Liam’s voice that just woke him.  
He reaches for his glasses on the dresser beside the bed and puts them and smiles at the four folding photo frame that his glasses where next to. 

The frame was a nice surprise to find when Louis unpacked last night and found it at the bottom of his travel bag, Zayn snuck it in there when Louis wasn’t looking. In the frames photos representing the important people in his life. In the first frame a picture of his mother and siblings; the second frame, a picture of Louis, Niall and Liam beaming at the camera despite their dishevelled appearance of sweat and dirt. 

The third frame holds a picture of Zayn and Louis at the centre, Louis remembers that day, one of the councillors had informed the residents that there was going to be a photographer roaming around and taking pictures of everyone going about their normal day, point of the pictures was going to be used for a pamphlet for the centre, and she advised everyone not to pay attention to the photographer.

He and Zayn had agreed that they did not need to be photographed thank you very much and snuck of to hang out outside instead, only come to find when the pamphlets arrived that the photographer had taken a picture of the two.

Louis was looking at Zayn smiling with his hands in his jacket pocket and Zayn was also looking back at Louis smiling and pouting at the same time, Louis’ not sure how Zayn pulled that off but he did, and Louis had to admit the moment captured was quiet something and that’s why he asked the councillor at the centre to please ask the photographer to send him two copies of the photo for himself and Zayn.

Zayn had blushed up a storm when Louis gave him the photo and he saw himself in it. Zayn’s not a big fan of Having his picture taken, because every person behind the camera tells him how good looking he is and how pretty he is, and he hates that, he hate being called pretty, those were the words his mother and his father’s fiancé used to justify what they did to him:  
“You’re just so pretty” they’d say “So good looking.”

And finally the final frame, the photo in there always broke and warmed his heart whenever he looked at it. It’s a sonogram of the twins, two bean shaped blips lying back to back, not fully developed at that stage but still perfect in Louis’ eyes.

Louis runs his fingers tentatively down the picture in the last frame like he always does, then gets out of bed, stomach growling with hunger. Louis quietly walks to the kitchen following the smell pancakes, eggs and bacon. The moment he enters the kitchen he can feel the tension between Liam and Sophia and he has an inkling that he might be the cause of it.

Why, well let’s just say Louis picked up on the fact that Sophia wasn’t acting like her normal welcoming self. It’s not something she did, it’s more like something she didn’t do.  
The Sophia Louis knew two years ago was always all smiles and ready to give warms hugs to Louis, but the Sophia that greeted Louis last night when he arrived last night was cold, with a forced smiles and no hugs.

“Morning,” Louis greets standing awkwardly at the entry way in his baggy long sleeved shirt and one size to big PJ bottoms, and socked feet. 

“Hey you, how’d you sleep?” Liam greets back all smiles and crinkled eyes.

“Like the dead,” Louis jokes. 

Liam chuckles. “Jetlag?”

Louis nods, taking note of Sophia’s stiffened posture and lack of greeting. Louis hovers at the entryway head drooping and his hand playing with the bottom of his shirt, his whole demeanour reading weary and timid. Not sure if he’s welcome to eat with them.

Liam clear his throat at the silence before standing up from the table and taking a mug out of the cardboard and pouring Louis’ brand of tea in it and making it the way Louis likes. “Still no sugar with your tea right?”

Louis scoffs and looks at Liam through his lashes. “That’s the only way to make tea Liam.”

Liam laughs and places the mug in front of an empty chair and gestures for Louis to come sit.  
Louis does, hunching his shoulder in on himself to make himself smaller because he is sitting right in front of Sophia and she has yet to say one word.

Liam places plate of staked with pancakes and some bacon in front of Louis. “So tell me how was New York.”

“Crowded,”

“Yeah?”

“From what I saw yeah, we didn’t really go out much, so I can’t tell you more than that.”

“We?” Liam cocks his head to the side.

“Mhmm,” Louis shovels pancakes in his mouth then answering with a full mouth. “Zayn and me.”

“Oh right, Zayn. Niall mentioned you had a roommate last night, he called him pretty boy.”

Louis shakes his head fondly at the mention of Niall and his blabber mouth. “He doesn’t like being called that.”

“Noted, why didn’t he come with you I would have loved to meet him?”

Louis shrugs, knowing it’s not his place to share Zayn’s story and reasoning for not wanting to come back to London. “He got held up with something.”

The table falls into silence the only sound is forks hitting the cutlery and the occasional sipping sound of tea. Louis clears throat deciding to engage Sophia in conversation, feeling bad about having had his conversation with Liam and not included her.

“So Sophia, how’s work?”

Sophia lifts her eyes from her plate of food to Louis, unreadable expression. Liam clears his throat and her eyes shift in his direction and she and Liam engage in a weird eye contact conversation that makes Louis feel uncomfortable. Sophia looks back down at her plate and shrugs. “It’s ok.” That is all she offers without elaborating further.

“Oh?” 

“Mm.”

Louis opens his mouth to say more but no words come out. this is what he hates about being “Broken” he used to be confident enough carry conversation and go with the flow of it with breaking a sweat or feeling awkward, even when there was someone in the group who was to snooty to engage him because he/she looked down their noses at him, Louis could still hold his, but now he just…he just can’t.

“Hey, do you have plans for today?” Liam asks.

“Louis shakes his head no. “Other than sitting by the phone waiting for the hospital to call and inform me when I need to come in for more tests.”

“Well, would you mind doing your waiting at, Simply Tasteful?”

Louis’ shoulders shake with silent laughter which results with Liam scowling at him. “What, it’s a great name.”

“It is, just trying to figure out what inspired the name is all.”

“Well obviously the restaurant is making simple everyday foods that are tasteful and I’m not talking average tasteful, I mean five star restaurant quality tasteful. People loved the concept and they came flocking once the doors opened.”

“So, hotspot then?”

“Like you predicted, Lou.”  
Louis smiles and pulls Liam in for a one armed hug. “I’m proud of you, Li.”

Liam ducks his head down blushing up a storm. “You played a part in it, you invested in the business before it was even anything.”

“I didn’t invest in the business I invested in you.”  
Liam smiles at his friend and squeezes his shoulder. “Thank you.”

 

****

Louis like the warm casual vibe of Liam’s restaurant. It’s not like one of those posh upscale restaurants (cough cough, Harry’s restaurants), where you need to jump through hoops to get a reservation and have to have a certain dress code to enter. The employees are friendly, food sublime and atmosphere overall feels like home.

Louis set up camp at a small table in the back with a book in hand. Liam pops by every once in a while to test samples on Louis and topping up his hot chocolate. Niall joined Louis around lunch time and caught Louis up on what’s been happening since he left.

It’s only when the restaurant has quietened down a bit does Louis confront Liam about the tension he’s picking up from Sophia.

“Hey Li, can we talk?” Liam nods, barely lifting his head from his lunch.

“Is…does Sophia have a problem with me staying at the house?”

Liam tenses pausing mid bite.

“Liam?”

“Uh,” Liam takes a long drink of his juice, eyes shifting about landing on everything but Louis. “What gave you that idea?”

“Just picking up a vibe from her that’s all, if my staying there is a problem I can move out, I don’t want to be a burden.”

Liam sighs. “It’s not that you’re burden, it’s just…”

“It’s just?”

“Sophia, doesn’t exactly approve of what you used to do and she wasn’t exactly ecstatic when I told her that you invested in the restaurant.”

“Oh.”

“You have to understand Lou, she has her own set of principles and won’t compromise them for any reason.”

“B-but that’s not me anymore,”

“I know that, she’s not convinced of it though.” Liam smiles sympathetically. “Just ignore it Lou, she just needs time to see that you’ve changed that’s all.”

“Right, that makes sense I guess.” Louis answers dejected. 

“Louis…”

“No, it’s okay. I should have known that people wouldn’t be as forgiving or forgetful, it was stupid of me to think otherwise.” Louis chuckles humourlessly. “Harry probably feels the same way.”

“No, Louis…”

Louis cuts him off. “I’ll find another place to stay. Who has the keys to the house I bought you or Niall?”

Liam stares at Louis for a long time trying to plead with him with his eyes but Louis only stares back at him with a blank expression Louis hopes doesn’t show his hurting and feeling of betrayal, but he knows there no point in his mask when the sting in his eyes betrays him, and Liam’s resigned sigh is telling that he is aware that he hurt Louis’ feelings.

“I have them, they’re at the house I’ll give them to you tonight.

“Good, I’ll leave tonight then.” Liam opens his mouth to protest but Louis picks up his book and goes back to reading ending the conversation between them.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

So as it turns out, Louis is not a fan of living alone. He’s grown so accustomed to having Zayn there to distract him and vice versa that living alone has become a foreign concept to him. He has been staying in the house he bought for himself and the twins for a week now and he has not gotten a decent night’s sleep. Something about the silence that makes his head speak louder and the memories flash across his mind’s eye one after the other.

And how he wishes they were happy thoughts, but he has come to find that those come in short supply, what with the horrific childhood he had to endure. Harry’s rejection and not forgetting betrayal. Losing Alana and Ezra, and the hell he went through in jail afterwards and, and, and the list just goes on.

The only positive memories he has are with Liam and Niall, but he can’t think about Liam without feeling hurt, and he can’t think about Niall because it will lead him to think about Liam and then that just doubles the hurting.

So really the only person he has shared happy memories he can think of without breaking down is Zayn. Zayn and their movie nights and impromptu art lessons Zayn gave Louis that Louis just failed at dismally. He remembers how Zayn would laugh at him whenever Louis would just start grumbling and complaining only a few minutes into the lesson and wow was that a sound to hear, it rarity of hearing it always brought a smile to Louis face.

Fuck! Louis misses Zayn, and he wishes he could call him to tell him about the awful week he has had and how he doesn’t think he is coping, but he doesn’t want to burden his friend. Zayn has always been the most sensitive between the two and Louis knows that if he called his best friend just to complain, Zayn will feel guilty about not having been strong enough to come to London with Louis and offer his support. 

So Louis opts instead to sit alone in the empty house listening to the nothingness and getting lost in his thoughts all the while waiting for the hospital to call. The doctor had told him when he went in for his second blood test which consisted of him giving about eight vials of blood, that the test results this time around will take three weeks minimum to three to four months maximum. All of this taking place the day after Liam’s confrontation. 

Harry had been there for the testing but he wasn’t there to support Louis; Louis knows this because the surprised look on Harry’s face when the ran into each other at the reception desk after Louis was done with giving blood was very telling…and there was the little tiny fact that he may or may not have had Ezra with him.

Louis couldn’t see his face though. Harry was carrying him and had a blanket over his head shielding him from the cold outside.

 

FLASH BACK

“What are you doing here?” Harry asks, Louis can’t be sure but he thinks he’s picking up a hint of poorly cloaked suspicion in Harry’s voice.

Louis stands frozen in place his eyes on the blanket, his heart jack rabbiting in his chest from the closest proximity he has gotten to one of the twins since he said goodbye to them. Harry clears his throat and makes a gesture of shielding Ezra with his arm by placing his arm over the back of the blanket and shifting his body slightly away from Louis, which just—well yeah that hurts.

“Louis, I asked you a question.” Harry’s voice hardening a notch, resulting in Louis taking a step back from the bite behind it.  
“Mr Tomlinson, you’re supposed to rest for a bit after giving blood.” The nurse who was in charge of taking Louis’ blood reprimands popping up from Louis’ back with a tray of snacks Louis was supposed to be nibbling on at this very moment in hand.

“Giving blood?” Harry inquires and the nurse goes from looking at Louis with a stern glare to Harry.

“Yes, for the MLC testing stage post donation, the doctor asked him to come in.”

“Oh,” Harry says his face losing its hardness. “Why wasn’t I informed of this or called?”

“Because only the donor is called, the recipient of the transplant or his/her guardian are not required in this part. You will only be called when the donor i.e. Mr Tomlinson has been confirmed as a viable candidate and will be informed of when the surgery for the bone marrow harvesting is taking place, because your daughter will most likely receive the transplant on the day of Mr Tomlinson’s surgery or the day after until then all the tests Mr Tomlinson has to go through only concern him.” The nurse explains.

“Oh…well thanks for that.” Harry answers awkwardly, readjusting Ezra in his arms. The cute sound of a yawn and whine that soon follows it coming from underneath the blanket makes its way to Louis’ ears and Louis whips his head from the floor to the bundle in Harry’s arms that is starting to fidget about.

“I should get going,” Harry says and nods his head towards the elevator at the end of the hall. “Is little princess still up?” Harry asks the nurse ignoring Louis’ obvious staring at their son’s movement.

“Yes,” the nurse smiles. “She’s very enthused today, must’ve sensed that her twin was coming.”

“I better not keep her waiting then.” Harry hovers awkwardly for a moment in which his eyes and Louis’ meet and Louis can see the debate going on inside Harry’s head and he just knows his eyes are pleading with Harry to invite him to stay and see the children.

But then Harry diverts his eyes to the ground, after a moment of hesitation he then continues down the hallway to the lifts. Louis’ chest feels like it has been kicked in, he follows the back of Harry with his eyes down the hall.

“It’s always a treat for Alana when Mr Styles brings Ezra to visit.”

“Oh?” Louis asks absentmindedly, his eyes never leaving Harry’s retreating figure.

“Mm, she mostly sleeps the day away because of the chemo and pain medication, So Mr Styles asked the hospital to call him when Alana is awake so he can bring Ezra along during his visits so that they can get to play together. It helps the sick child to not feel like being in the hospital is some sort of punishment for some wrong doing they did, they don’t know that they are sick and need to be here.”

The nurse continues talking but Louis’ is only focused on the little head of curls that just made its appearance from underneath the blanket and the cherub like face that follows, Ezra’s blue eyes shifting about, looking and taking everything in his eyes sadly landing on Louis for a second before shifting to another place.

“Are you alright?” the nurse asks placing a hand on Louis’ arm causing him to tear his eyes from Ezra, he moves away from the touch wiping his wet cheeks then quickly looks back to Ezra only to find Harry eyes on him before the elevator door close.

END OF FLASHBACK

 

Louis won’t admit it to himself but he has been feeling down since the encounter. The casual way Harry walked away ignoring Louis’ pleading hurt like hell. But it’s ok, Louis knows his place now, he is only here for one reason and one reason only, once he has exhausted his usefulness he won’t be needed. Any hope Louis had of being allowed any face time with the twins completely shattered now.

****

The hospital calls Louis after the three week estimated waiting period and asked him to come in for a physical i.e. chest x-ray, MORE BLOOD WORK, urine analysis etc. all those things that fall under physical under the circumstances, he is told that the point of the test is to make sure he can undergo anaesthesia during the surgery.

Louis asks what they mean by that and in turn they show him a video of what is going to happen during his surgery while he is under, and all Louis can see is a room full of strangers touching the patient while he is passed out then suddenly he imagines himself on that very table passed out in a room full of eleven or so strangers touching him without his no how, and his mind drift…

He is no longer in the hospital but in prison being held down by a group of three men his vision is blurry from his head hitting the floor hard when he tried to fight back.  
Two of the men holding down his arms and his up body and one of them has a hand over his mouth trapping the bloodcurdling scream of having the man moving above him tear his way into him, his breath pungent and pain unbearable and Louis can’t ask it.

Louis recalls passing out at some point and being woken by that distinct clean smell the prison hospital wing (and frankly every hospital) has feeling—words can’t describe it, he started crying knowing that the stiches that are keeping him together won’t last more than a week before the are viciously torn either by some chancers like those three guys or HIM.

Louis calls him the monster. He is crueller than all the other ones that have had a go at him and stronger and never lets up no matter how much Louis begs.

Louis has a panic attack while watching the video and passes out when he comes to he is lying in a hospital bed, there’s an IV in his arm and Harry is there along with Liam (Emergency contact). Liam is the one to notice him first the then Harry and they both make the mistake of standing up and towering over Louis.

Louis cowers from them, curling in on himself by bringing his legs to his chest and pushing his back to the pillows like he wants to melt into them.

“Whoa, Lou it is ok. We’re not going to hurt you.” Liam reassures, his hands held up to sure that he means no harm, he throws a look at Harry to do the same and Harry does. Despite this Louis’ body remains buried into its self and alert like a cat on edge.

A male nurse walks in and raises a questioning brow at the weird situation he just walked in on. Deciding to ignore it he continues on to the machinery besides Louis’ bed Louis whimpers and tried to scramble away from him.

“Could you—maybe tell him why you’re here, so he doesn’t try to run from you.” Liam advices.

“Uh, ok.” The nurse replies confused. “I’m just here to check your vitals and unhook you from the IV before you can go.” He explains. When Louis doesn’t say or do anything the nurse continues on with what he said he was going to do, Louis tracking his every movement.

Harry takes a slow step back not wanting to frighten Louis. Clearing his throat and getting everyone attention in the room he asks. “So, what happened to him, no one has told us anything?”

He’s not really sure who his question is meant for, Louis or the nurse, although judging by the wide eyed out of it look in Louis’ eyes he can tell that the nurse is his best bet at getting any answers.

“We’re not sure. Mr Tomlinson came in for his physical per the doctor’s request and as far as I know everything went fine. He had questions about the surgery and the doctor put in a video of what is going to happen during the video for Mr Tomlinson in his office and left him for a minute and when the doctor went back into his office he found Mr Tomlinson passed out on the floor.

“Just like that?” Liam asks.

“Like I said we’re not sure what happened. The doctor checked his blood pressure thinking maybe it had dropped because Mr Tomlinson had to give more blood as part of his physical but everything looked normal.”  
The nurses’ pager goes off (not even sure if those even exist anymore, do nurses even use those?) and he wraps up what he was doing. “I have other patients to attend to, Mr Tomlinson you are free to go.” The nurse leaves.

Liam sighs and picks up Louis’ shoes of the floor near the bed before double checking his coat pockets for his keys. “I’m going to take him home.”

“Louis’ head jerks at attention and he looks at Liam with bambi eyes. “Home?” his voice quiet.

“Yeah Lou, I’m taking you home.”

“I wanna go home.” Louis says and Liam frowns isn’t that where he said he is taking him?

“Yeah, that’s what I said I’m taking you to your house. I’m taking you home.”

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t want to go to my house, I want to go home. I don’t feel safe here, I feel alone here, I wanna go home to Zayn.” He jumps out of bed before Liam and Harry can process his words or actions and bolts for the door and runs barefoot.

“Louis!” Liam calls out and runs after him.

Louis’ words only hitting Harry now that he wants to go back to New York have him sprinting after Liam and Louis, and all he can think is he can’t leave, Louis cannot leave.


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised that I use a lot of flashbacks to tell this story, but they just work so if not why not.  
> thank you for the comments, kudos and support, enjoy.

CHAPTER SEVEN

 

Harry walks through the front door of his house with an air of resignation around him. It has been a long, long day.

“Mr Styles?” Harry startles away from the door he was leaning on, he turns his head to the source of the voice and comes face to face with his sitter who just looks beyond pissed off.

“What are you still doing here, shouldn’t Nick have relieved you already?”

“He would have if he ever made it home but clearly he didn’t.” she marches over to Harry, her body language screaming at how displeased she is, she stands in front of Harry with a huff and holds out her hand. “My pay please, plus over time.”

Harry reaches for his wallet in his pocket and takes out the amount he owes her plus a little extra. “I’m really sorry, I honestly thought Nick would be home in time.”

The sitter accepts the money not so much the apology. “Ezra has been fussy all day he cried most of it and hardly at any of his food. I couldn’t calm him down, both in the afternoon and just now he cried himself tired, he’s sleeping now, literally just put to bed a few minutes ago.” She informs.

Harry’s heart drops remembering how Alana also cried a lot before she got diagnosed. “Is he sick, does he does he have a temperature?” 

His tone is shaky and urgent, his mind already going to the worst case scenario, that Ezra is just as sick as Alana and he can’t handle that right now, he cannot handle two seriously ill children he just won’t survive it. Especially now when he’s not sure whether or not Louis is going to stick it out long enough for the surgery or if he’s going to be on the first available flight to New York tomorrow.

“No, little Ezra is fine, physically.” The sitter reassures and Harry sighs in relief but that doesn’t last.  
“What’s that supposed to mean he’s fine physically?”

The sitter (I’ll call her Muriel) sighs and gestures for Harry to follow her to the living room and they sit on the couch, she takes his hand and squeezes it and Harry’s frown deepens. He knows that gesture, that’s there I’m about to tell you something you’re not going to like gesture.

“Mr Styles, in my many years as a sitter, not to mention raising three of my own, I’ve come to find that children especially toddlers can pick up when there tension or anxiety in the home a lot faster than adults, it doesn’t help the situation that this is the third week in a row I’ve had to put little Ezra to bed because neither you nor Mr Grimshaw have been home on time to that.”

Harry’s heart absolutely shatters at that, he hadn’t realised that he’s been neglecting Ezra, he’s been so wrapped up in struggling to split his time between the hospital and work and home and now Louis that he hadn’t noticed that he hasn’t put Ezra to sleep in a while. Really he hasn’t had much time for Ezra lately.

The only time Ezra has crossed his mind is when the hospital calls him to inform him that Alana is awake and that’s when Harry will take Ezra to visit his twin and let them play while he watches on or most of the time works…fuck, oh fuck he has been a terrible father. Fuck he’s turning into his father.

“Fuck.” Harry chokes out. “I didn’t realise.”

Muriel squeezes his hand in comfort and smiles at him sympathetically. “It happens to the best of us, especially when there’s a sick child involved, we forget that there’s another child that needs our attention don’t beat yourself up.”

Harry nods mumbling his thanks to her, wishing he could be comforted by her words but he’s not. “You should take tomorrow off, I’ll stay home and look after Ezra.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, thank you for being there for my son, I—just thank you.” Harry sniffles and Muriel squeezes his hand one last time and stands up shouldering her bag.

“You’re a great father Mr Styles don’t let this one thing make you doubt that. Being a single parent is not easy but you’re doing it well better than most.”

“But I’m not single, I have Nick.” he says quietly, uncertainly and the look Muriel gives him lets him know that she doesn’t entirely agree with that statement. He listens to Muriel’s retreating footsteps then the door opening and closing. As soon as he hears the click of the door, he cracks.

“Fuck, fuck fuck!” he swears under his breath pulling at his hair. His mid flashes to the visitation he had made to Louis in prison when Louis’ had asked him to come and see him.

 

FLASH BACK

“I’m sorry.” Louis apologises after a long quiet moment. Face red and wet with tears and nose running. Harry digs through his pockets and hands him a handkerchief, Louis mumbles his thank you under his breath at the gesture, pretending not to notice Harry’s own wet eyes.

“I had something stolen from me Harry. My innocence and my identity, stolen by a man who couldn’t love me but stole me anyway, only for him to decide I was too much of a burden to carry and so left me on the side of the road out in the cold. Alone and abandoned. Only to have another man take me—t-tear his way forcefully into me and completely shattering and breaking me beyond recognition or repair. Both these men leaving me with this emptiness inside that I’ve had to walk with my whole life.”

Louis reaches for Harry’s hand, his own shaking and places Harry’s hand on his belly and his own atop of Harry’s. Wet green and blue eyes locked on each other. Lost in each other.

“We both had our innocence stolen from us at a young age, Harry. The different ways we lost it does not in any way cancel out the pain we both felt. The way we lost our innocence does not in any way make my pain or yours any greater or lesser than the other, pain is equally felt. And I do not want our children to ever feel pain, to ever feel loss, to feel like a part of them is missing. I want our children to have both parents in their lives to feel both our love, even if it’s from two separate households.”

END OF FLASHBACK

Harry laughs self-deprecatingly to himself, then admits. “Even before they were born he was the better parent.”

****

“You should have been there babe, I charmed the shit out of the woman and landed yet another major client for the firm. I can already see it, I am on the fast track to making partner.”

Harry makes a non-committal noise of acknowledgment and Nick continues on with his tale of landing his third major client and blah, blah, blah. 

Harry’s focus is on Ezra, watching his boy attempting to feed himself and the spoon always falling short of his mouth, it’s the cutest thing especially when he pouts when he misses but soldiers on regardless trying to get his aim right, absolutely undeterred.

If Harry is being honest with himself he’ll admit that he’s starting to see a little bit of Louis in both Alana and Ezra. Not so much physically, because the only physical attribute the twins got from Louis are his eyes and Ezra his smile. Everything else is all Harry noticeably: his dark curly hair, his dimples and pillowy lips.

Which aren’t bad features to have, Harry is a good looking guy and has great genetics but almost everyone will comment on or compliment the twins’ eyes first before all else.

No, Joke, before Alana got sick, Harry would take the twins out to the park so they can get some fresh air and just enjoy being outside and strangers would walk up to him and say: “They’re so beautiful your babies, they have such beautiful eyes, real windows to the soul those are.” Or “Don’t their eyes just melt your heart? Do they get them from their mother, her eyes must be just as breathtakingly beautiful.” 

And Harry never knew how to respond to any comments that involved Louis. What was he supposed to say? “Yes, their eyes are the splitting image of his. They were always so open and never could hide his emotions, that’s how I could tell he was falling in love with me, his eyes gave him away even despite him trying hard to fight the feelings and when he couldn’t fight the feelings he tried hard to hide them but his eyes gave him away anyway?”

Or how about: “every time I look into my children’s eyes, I’m reminded of how broken their other father looked the last time I saw him and how I was to blame.” Or “I love to think of myself as a good person but every time I look into Alana and Ezra’s eyes and see Louis, I’m reminded that I’m not?”

Sometimes he feels like the children can sense just how not good he is, especially Ezra. It’s a strange thing to say he knows but he has never had a strong bond with Ezra, not a strong a bond as he shares with Alana. Alana is a real daddy’s girl through and through, her face literally lights up around Harry and she will make baby noises trying to have a conversation with Harry in her undecipherable language just to keep his attention focused on her and it just melts his heart knowing that he has someone’s unconditional love.

Ezra though, he’s…more reserved…guarded, quieter. Don’t get him wrong he’ll accept affection he’s a child they live off of it and he’ll accept cuddles and all the other nurturing things a child needs but rarely ever communicates with Harry the way Alana does, where Alana opens up her arms and claps her hands when Harry carries her; Ezra will shy away, he’ll look down at his hands and play with his fingers.

At first Harry thought he was shy which isn’t shocking or alarming, it’s common in twins after all for one of them to be louder than the other. Plus Ezra is shy around strangers as well but Harry has noticed that he warms up to them a lot faster than he does with him, his own father. It hurts.

It’s in those moments when he is feeling this hurting that his mind will flash back to the visit Louis made when he got out of jail, he remember how it was Ezra Louis was carrying when he told Harry that he broke him, that he went back on his word that and he remembers Louis crying a lot and his tears falling down on Ezra who also began to cry.

Sometimes Harry can’t help but wonder if in that moment Ezra felt the pain Louis was going through, if he sensed that Harry was the source of the pain and the hurting.  
But that can’t be possible though, he was hardly a year old he can’t remember something that happened two years ago, it’s not possible …isn’t it?

“I’m sorry am I boring you?” Nick’s voice cuts through Harry’s thought.

“What?” he asks and Nick sighs exasperatedly. 

“Are you even paying attention to me at all?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, not really.” 

Nick’s brows rise to his hairline taken aback by Harry’s unapologetic honesty. “Ok, don’t feel bad about allowing me to waste my breath talking to a brick wall.”

Harry sighs, he crabs the dish cloth and wipes Ezra’s food facial he has given himself much to Ezra’s (any child’s) annoyance. “I’m sorry, I have a lot on my mind.”

“Yeah, does it have anything to do with the trip to New York you’re planning on making?”

Harry cocks his head. “What trip to New York?”

Nick waves his hand. “On your laptop, a page was open on flights to New York leaving today.”

“Since when do you touch my laptop without asking?” Harry’s tone carries a note of irritation at the invasion of privacy.

Nick scoffs and arches a sly brow. “I didn’t think I needed permission to touch my partner of two year’s things. You’ve never had a problem with it before what’s changed?”  
“You never touched my things before without asking, what’s changed for you?” Harry retorts back and Nick narrows his eyes at him.

“Getting defensive there Styles.”

“Don’t appreciate you touching my things, Grim, it’s rude”

“Ok, sorry,” He says sounding anything but. “So, you going to tell me about this business trip to New York or what?”

Harry picks up Ezra of the high chair and transfers him to his lap bouncing him on his leg.  
“There’s no business trip to New York, I just wanted to know which flights leave for New York today and what time.”

“Why?” Nick asks impatiently.

“Because Louis might be on one of those flights and I don’t know which one and I’m just going to drive myself crazy knowing that I couldn’t stop him from leaving and running back to what’s his face Mr super model back in New York.”

Harry does not mean for that tone of jealousy to slip in there, but it’s not like he can help it, heck he doesn’t even know where it came from and by the looks of Nick’s scowl he picked up on it and clearly does not appreciate it.

“What’s it to you if he went back to his lover boy in New York, why are you upset about it.”

Harry scoffs all haughty. “They’re not dating ok, trust me, Louis is in no way ready to be dating anyone. They’re just friends and besides I’m upset because I still need Louis here to help Alana and he can’t do that if he’s in New York.”

Harry sighs, looking down at Ezra and runs his fingers though his curls watching them bounce back into place like Harry’s finger never disturbed them. 

“The hospital called me yesterday while I was at the restaurant and told me that Louis had passed out. I’m not his emergency contact or anything but I asked them to call me whenever Louis comes in for tests so I can avoid the awkward encounter we had the last time, and also if there’s some kind of emergency they can just call me and let me know. And so they did.”

Harry chews on his bottom lip, looking at Ezra and just seeing Louis. “Something upset Louis last night, I don’t know what, he was in a state and he kept talking about how he didn’t want to be here anymore and how he didn’t feel safe and how alone he felt being here. He took of out the hospital barefoot and ran two blocks from the hospital before Liam and I could catch up to him.

“He was just so upset so—fragile and terrified, like a dog caught in a bear trap out in the woods. He was just so terrified and in pain and Liam and I were trying to help him you know, free him from the trap and he kept backing away foot still caught, refusing our help because we’re the cause of the pain, we’re the trap that’s causing all this hurting, at least I feel I am anyway.

“He just kept backing away from us towards the road and Liam grabbed his arm not wanting him to go on the road and Louis punched him like Liam was going to attack him. I could see it, he was three more steps away from backing into oncoming traffic so I flung myself at him and pinned him to the ground, he was fighting me the whole way down and he was screaming.”

Harry shuts his eyes recalling the night before.

 

FLASH BACKS

“Stay away from me, stay away from me!!!” Louis warns or rather pleads, his hands held up in front of his body as he slowly backs away from Harry and Liam who take two steps forward to his one step back.

“Louis please, just calm down so we can talk yeah?” Liam pleads, his eyes shifting from Louis to the road which Louis is only a few steps away from and he is not even aware of it.  
Louis shakes his head vigorously still backing away from them. “I don’t want to talk I don’t want to do anything with you I just want you to leave me alone, that’s all.”

“And we’ll do that, as soon as we get you safely home we’ll do that. Louis’ we’re not going to hurt you.”

“I don’t believe you.” Louis says stubbornly and Liam loses his patience deciding that obviously a soft touch is not working. 

Liam grabs his arm to keep him from taking any further steps towards the road not thinking about what his touch was doing to Louis, all he could think was safety first so it comes as a surprise when Louis swings his arm back and punches him square on the jaw; Liam caught off guard by the action lets go of Louis. 

“What the hell Lou!” Liam exclaims, cradling his jaw.

Louis stares with a shocked expression whilst cradling his hand and unfortunately still backing away. Harry seeing that Louis is only three/four feet away from the road and possibly being hit by an oncoming car, and knowing trying to talk him of the metaphorical ledge won’t help, he launches himself at Louis whilst he’s distracted with tracking Liam’s movement since evidently he views him as the bigger threat at the moment since he’s the one who grabbed at his arm.

Louis absolutely screams, screams at the top of his lungs attracting the attention of pedestrians. “NO! NO! LET ME GO LET ME GO!!!”

He tries to claw at Harry’s face and Harry pins his arms to his sides by wrapping his own arms around Louis tightly, but Louis is not giving up he opts for kicking at Harry’s sheens instead, still screaming to the high heavens.

“Louis calm down, you need to calm down dammit!” Harry reprimands to no avail.

Louis gives him one hard kick and Harry decides that obviously what he is doing is not helping at all and fuck his sheens are going to bruise come tomorrow. He twists his own body in a way that makes Louis lose his balance while he’s in mid kick giving Harry the advantage of lowering Louis to the ground and pinning him down with his body. Louis stops all the kicking and screaming and just goes quiet, body tense, eyes wide and glazed over like he’s there but he isn’t.

“What are you doing to him?” A passer-by asks her tone accusatory. Liam who’s recovered from the shock explains Harry out of the awkward position he finds himself in once he realises how this all looks.

“It’s ok, our friend…is of his medication he gets a little frantic when he doesn’t take it.”

The lady doesn’t look like she’s entirely convinced by the lie but decides to move along anyway occasionally looking back over her shoulder at them. “Keep him down Styles, I think I know what will help.” Liam says taking his cell out of his pocket and putting it to his ear once his dialled the number.

Harry nods at Liam, Louis starts writhing about underneath him trying to free himself from Harry. “Please let me go, please don’t do this.” Louis begs quieter this time, tears falling from his eyes. Harry looks down into them as Louis stares back, but not really because it’s not Harry he’s seeing in that moment.

“You’re going to be okay Lou, you’re going to be ok.” Harry promises.

“Just let me go, please.”

“Yeah, he’s here he’s still out of it.” Liam says dropping down to his haunches and putting his phone on speaker next Louis’ ear.

“Lou?” Zayn’s voice crackles through the speaker, soft as a feather but still manages to grab Louis’ attention because he stops trying to fight Harry off and his head turns towards the phone.

“Zayn?” Louis asks tentatively.

A sigh of relief is heard on the other side of the line. “Yeah, it’s me, are you okay?”

“I…” Louis frowns. “I don’t know, I feel like I’m drowning.”

“Okay, Louis listen to me, you’re not back at that place ok and no one is going to hurt you, it’s all in your head it’s not real, look around you you’ll see it’s not real.” 

Harry slowly gets of Louis and kneels beside Liam while both observing Louis who is still lying down on the ground, Louis does as Zayn asks and looks around, his glazed expression slowly turning nonplus. Harry must admit he’s impressed by how quick and easy Zayn managed to calm Louis down just by the sound of his voice, impressed and a little bit jealous. Not that he’ll admit it. 

“I don’t want to be here anymore Zayn. I’m alone here I’m…I wanna come home.” Harry stiffens at those words and is about to object to that but Liam elbows his side lightly and shakes his head at him.

Zayn is quiet for a moment, thinking on Louis’ words, Harry for obviously selfish reasons is hoping he convinces Louis to stay in London for a little while longer.

“Louis you trust me right?” Zayn asks and Louis nods then realising Zayn can’t see him answers verbally.

“With my life.”

“Then here’s what I want you to do, I want you to remember the reason you travelled all the way to London Lou, I want you to think on it, go home and sleep on it.” Zayn advices and Harry breathes a sigh of relief at that.

“But if you wake up tomorrow and you still feel like you’re drowning and that the reason you came all this way for is no longer keeping your head above water, I want you to call me and I will book you the first available flight out of London to New York, do you hear me? First flight out.” 

And Harry’s heart descends down to his stomach, coz well FUCK.

END OF FLASHBACK

“Once the call ended and Liam and I got Louis to Liam’s car, he passed out in the back seat, fell right to sleep. Zayn told us that Louis suffers through these flashbacks, thoughts and nightmares of the rape I’m sorry rapes, plural, that he endured, the flashbacks feel real to him like he’s back there. I researched it turns out it is very common with rape victims. What’s also common is for victims of rape to feel alone like Louis said he’d been feeling and anxious and scared.

Zayn also said Louis had been getting a handle on all of it but he guesses being back in London has triggered him in some way, so really I can’t blame Louis for wanting to leave if being here is not healthy for him. I can’t force him to stay.” 

Harry concludes resigned. He looks down at Ezra who’s looking back up at him with those blue eyes and Harry smiles softly down at him. “What do you think little one, think your dad left already?” Harry says absentmindedly not realizing what he let slip, oblivious to Nick narrowing his eyes at him.

Ezra returns his smile in reply, and it throws Harry how much like Louis that smile makes Ezra look. “You’re right, I should find out.” Harry stands up settling Ezra on his hip and makes his way out of the kitchen.

“Where’re you going?” Nick asks getting to his feet.

Harry pause at the doorway and turns around to face Nick. “Simply Tasteful.”

“Liam’s restaurant?” Nick spits out, tone disapproving.

“Yeah, if anyone knows whether or not Louis left it’s his friends.”

“And you’re taking Ezra with you?”

“Yes.”

Nick takes a deep long breath trying to reign in his anger. “And what happens if you find out he stayed, mm? What happens if he’s there at the restaurant, then what?”

Harry stands there and thinks on it with a concentrated frown. Ezra reaches out to his cheek and Harry looks at him like he’s just given him the answer he needed.

“Then I ask of him what he asked of me two years ago, I ask for a compromise. If he agrees to stay and help Alana then I’ll allow him access to the kids.” Harry says determined.

Nick’s jaw drops, he did not expect that. “Harry as your attorney I must advice against that.”

“Nick, as your client I’m going to respectfully decline. And also as your client I’m going to ask you to draw up a legally binding contract that allows him access to the children for his unforeseeable duration in London as proof that I won’t go back on my word this time around. I think it will be good for Louis to be around the children, it will give him a reason to keep his head above water. I also think it will be good to see how he interacts with them, if they take a liking to him. It will be like a trail test.”

Nick frowns at this, not liking the sound it. “A trial test for what?”

Harry shrugs. “We’ll see.” 

“Jesus, Harry!” Nick bellows slamming his fist on the table. Both Harry and Ezra startle then Ezra starts crying from the fright.

“Harry glares at Nick. “What the hell Nick!” Harry moves Ezra to his shoulder and rubs his back in soothing circles. “Don’t you ever raise your voice in front of my kids, do you hear me”

“Why are you doing this Harry, why allow this person back into our lives, why are you willingly playing into his game. How many times do I have to say this to you, it is all an act he is playing you because he knows he holds all the cards but the two he needs and you like an idiot are willing to hand them to him.”

“So what. It’s all worth it if it means having Alana.”

“Oh my god!” Nicks runs his hands down his face in frustration.

“Nick, you can’t understand the sacrifice I’m willing to make because you’re not a parent.”

Nick looks at Harry offended, but Harry continues on.

“Being a parent means putting your children’s needs first before your own, my father never understood that, he hardly spent time with me at all because he was too busy building an empire, an empire I inherited but never wanted. Do you honestly think when I was young I dreamt of becoming a restaurateur, of running a universally recognised chain of restaurants world that give me very little time to myself and my kids?

“No! I dreamed of becoming a singer, I dreamed of becoming a well-known singer because that’s what I love doing, that’s the dream I wanted and I was going to go after it too,”

Harry chuckles wetly, humourlessly. “There I was sixteen years old and doe eyed ready to go on the X factor, had the forms and everything but then my father got sick, cancer, and my dreams what I wanted took a backseat, because my father had already decided that I was going to take over the family business and a small part of me hated him for it.

He stole my childhood because he was never there to witness it he was too busy building something he didn’t get to live long enough to see it succeed. Then he robbed me of my life when he decided that since he wouldn’t live long enough to expand the business then I would. He stole something from me and I promised myself that if I were to ever have children that I would never do that to them, I promised Louis when he asked me to come to see him in jail that I would never do that to our children. I would never become my father.”

“You’re not your father.” Nick tries to console.

“I am though, I am my fathers’ son. I am my fathers’ son but I refuse to become like him, and that starts with putting my children first and returning what I stole from them. Louis.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, writers block hit me hard like you have no idea, but thank you for your patience.  
> heads up, there is a nightmare/memory within a flashback and a flashback with the same flashback, I hope you can follow what I was aiming to do and not get confused.
> 
> please enjoy reading, feel free to leave comments and suggestions/ideas of what you see happening as the fic progresses, I'd appreciate that.
> 
> once again thank you and enjoy

The big day is finally here, the day of the surgery and Louis is nowhere near ready for it. Understandably, it has been a rough few days for him leading to the surgery, just the week before he’d had that little “episode” which took it out of him and is basically the straw that broke the camel’s back.

And it wasn’t like he could sleep it off be A ok the next morning, no matter how hard he’d prayed on it, he knew somewhere deep down he knew that it that he wouldn’t be. And the nightmare/memory he had of Harry breaking it off with him the way he did confirmed that he wasn’t going to be ok, and the surprise phone call he got from Zayn after he just woke up from said nightmare/memory just crippled him.

 

FLASHBACK

Nightmare/memory

“Harry.” Louis cries out, heart beating and breaking at the same time. He’s on his knees with tears running down his face and a ring box held limply in his palm. “Please give me a chance to explain.” 

Harry laughs mockingly. “You mean lie, you want me to give you a chance to continue lying to me, because that’s what you’ve been doing, lying. And you thought I was stupid enough and gullible enough not to see past the façade, newsflash Louis, I knew exactly who you were the moment you staged that run in. I wish I had recorded that moment just so you could see how absolutely arrogant and self-assured you were, you were so blinded by your ego that you couldn’t that I was reflecting you right back to you.”

Louis shakes his head disbelieving at this stone cold Harry standing in front of him. “It wasn’t all a game, my time with you it wasn’t all a game. It stopped being a game a long time ago. I do want a future with you Harry, I want to marry you, I want to have a family with you.”

Harry laughs again. “Oh I know you do, I know this stopped being a game for you two months in when I caught you staring at me with this look in your eyes and I just knew you were falling for me.  
That’s how you know isn’t it, by the look in your targets eyes that they were falling for you?   
You could see it in their eyes that they wanted the same things you do now: a future, marriage a family?

“That’s a sick sort of power being able to tell how somebody feels about you just from a look and then reflecting that same look back to them so they believed that you wanted the same things they did.”

Harry regards Louis with such disgust and disdain and Louis whimpers, shrinking in on himself because he knows that look, his step father gave him that look all the time, a look that screams revulsion, disapproval, offence and unworthiness. From that look alone Louis felt like those words were being carved into his skin.

“It wasn’t always a look that gave them away,” Louis confesses. Laying his cards out on the table and naively hoping Harry accepts it.

“Sometimes it’s a feeling. Sometimes I’d allow myself to let my guard down and just enjoy being in the moment with whoever I was with, I’d laugh so hard my sides would hurt and I’d think to myself that this isn’t all that bad. In that moment of weakness I would entertain the idea of a future with them I’d think to myself that yeah I could love them, and if I was thinking about that then it wasn’t hard to figure that they were thinking the same thing.”

Louis looks up at Harry from his place on the floor with wet eyes. “So you see, when I started thinking about a future and stupidly thought you wanted the same thing, I knew that I was in too deep to tell you the truth and I tried Harry you have to believe that I tried, but every time I opened my mouth to tell you all I could think about was how I didn’t want you to look at me the way that you’re looking at me right now, I didn’t want you hating me like you hate me now.” 

Harry scoffs and shakes his head. “I don’t hate you Louis, hating you would imply that I felt something remotely close enough to love to hate you. And I don’t love you I don’t feel anything close enough to that, how could I? When this entire relationship has been a joke from the beginning, humorous, comedic, a farce. I’m not in love with you Louis, I’m indifferent to you.”

End of nightmare/memory

 

Louis gasps awake to the sound of his phone ringing, the remnants of his dream memory slipping away as Louis becomes fully awake by each passing second.  
The phone continues ringing insistently and Louis reaches blindly for it under his pillow. He frowns at the name on his screen and calculates the time difference in his head before answering the call.

“It’s round about three a.m. that side of the world why aren’t you sleeping?” There’s a chuckle and rustling of sheets on the other end.

“Zayn?”

“Hold on just trying to get comfortable.” There’s rustling of sheets then an annoyed huff. “Ok, I’m about as comfortable as I’m going to get.”

Louis smiles fondly knowing what getting little sleep does to Zayn, one, there’s no such thing as a comfortable spot or sleeping position when his brain refuses to shut down, he will toss and turn until he finally falls asleep or until gets out of bed and sneaks into Louis’.

Louis remembers the first time it happened, he hadn’t heard Zayn sneak in the night before and so it came as a shock when he woke up and felt an arm more or less possessively over his middle, his mind immediately went to a bad place and he screamed his lungs and waking a peacefully sleeping Zayn up. 

Zayn had explained once Louis calmed down that the rooms at the centre were so small and bed squished in that you could practically hear each breath the other took, which was to Zayn in a strange way comforting the knowing you’re not alone of it all.  
So it became their thing, sneaking into each other’s beds when they needed a little comforting. It was awkward at first because they were still getting to know each other still getting used to having human contact again. 

“So why are you still up?”

“I couldn’t sleep, I was worried about you.”

Louis chews on his thumb nail nervously his heart heavy with guilt. This is exactly what he’s been trying to avoid by not telling Zayn that he’s been struggling, he didn’t want his friend losing sleep over him.

“I’m sorry,” Louis says quietly and Zayn sighs.

“I care that’s why I worry so don’t blame yourself.” When Louis doesn’t reply Zayn changes the subject. “So how are you, do I need to book that flight?”

The concern in Zayn’ voice comforts Louis like a warm blanket, cuddling him in and keeping him warm and safe from the literal and figurative cold of the world.

“Have I told you I miss you yet?” Louis asks not able to keep the fondness from his voice.

“Louis.” Zayn exclaims exasperated but Louis can tell he’s flustered he always is when someone, mainly Louis shows him genuine affection.

“Zayn.”

“Answer the question, do I need to book you a flight back?”

“Louis sighs. “I’m staying, it’s not going to be easy but I’m staying.”  
Zayn sighs and Louis can almost see him shaking his head. “You don’t have to be a martyr you know, no one is expecting you to be.”

“I’m not being a martyr I’m being a parent, I’m looking out for my daughter.”

“And while you’re looking out for her who’s looking out for you? Who’s taking care of you?”

No one goes unsaid. “I-I’ve always had to look out for myself I’m used to it, nothing new there.”

“You shouldn’t have had to get used to it that’s my point. You shouldn’t have had to look over your shoulder because no one had your back, that’s a very long and lonely and exhausting road to walk on you own. Aren’t you tired Louis, aren’t you tired?”

Louis swallows the lump in his throat trying to prevent the flood of emotions from bubbling up and spilling over, but he’s in a vulnerable state of mind where he cannot conjure up the energy to keep his emotions down, so he doesn’t he just allows them to surface and flood his entire being as they spill over.

He’s crying he knows he is crying even though the thoughts in his head and emotions coursing through his body are too loud for him to hear his own sobbing, he knows he’s crying because he can hear Zayn on the other end whimpering.

Zayn has always been sensitive and very aware of Louis’ feelings and he already knows what’s happening to Louis. He knows how this is going to end. Louis is shutting down, shutting down physically, mentally and emotionally doctors will term this as a “bad day” for a person who was/is diagnosed with depression. 

It’s when he/she is just too exhausted to carry on and they allow themselves all their negative thoughts and feelings to break them. But Louis terms it differently it’s not a “bad day” to him he describes it more as a feeling of drowning.

 

FLASHBACK

 

Zayn is holding Louis tight in his arms, his chin resting on Louis’ head one hand firmly gripping Louis’ hip to keep him anchored to right now this moment and the other hand tangled in Louis’ greasy hair massaging his scalp.

Toni Braxton, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey and Michael Bolton’s greatest hits on shuffle in the background, and should Brook Benton’s singing the blues album: Lie to me, find its way in the mix then so be it.

The New York weather is very London gloomy with rain falling from the skies. It’s almost as if the earth knows that Louis is “drowning” and it is not as though the planet can just stop turning like Louis wants it to because he hates the fact that life goes on outside his bedroom walls, time keeps moving while Louis is “stuck.” 

So the earth reciprocates in kind for the fact that it can’t stop spinning for Louis, can’t be stuck with him, so it cries with him instead, dampening and lowering everyone’s mood not to Louis’ level of sadness   
(Because no one person can fully and truly understand the sadness of another,) but close enough that Louis doesn’t feel alone in it all. 

I heard he sang a lullaby  
I heard he sang it from his heart  
When I found out thought I would die  
Because that lullaby was mine.  
I heard he sealed it with a kiss  
He gently kissed her cherry lips  
I found that so hard to believe  
Because his kissed belonged to me.

How could an angel break my heart?  
Why didn’t he catch my falling star?  
I wish I didn’t wish so hard  
Maybe I wished our love apart  
How could an angel break my heart?

I heard her face was white as rain  
Soft as a rose that blooms in May.  
He keeps her picture in a frame  
And when he sleeps he calls her name.  
I wonder if she makes him smile  
The way he used to smile at me  
I hope she doesn’t make him laugh,  
Because his laugh belongs to me.

How could an angel break my heart?  
Why didn’t he catch my falling star?  
I wish I didn’t wish so hard  
Maybe I wished our love apart  
How could an angel break my heart?

Oh, my soul is dying, it’s crying,  
I’m trying, to understand  
Please help me

How could an angel break my heart…

“Louis?” Zayn speaks up interrupting Louis’ concentration of Toni Braxton’s lyrics.

“Mm?”

Zayn hesitates not sure if it’s his place to ask or if he really wants to know the answer to his question, but he wants to understand what goes on in Louis’ head when he’s in this state.

“What’s it like…when you’re like this?” Zayn drums his finger nervously on Louis’ hip when he doesn’t answer right away, scared that he may have offended him.

Louis shifts digging his face further into Louis’ chest. “Drowning. It’s like you’re drowning.”

Louis’ eyes focus on the rain hitting his bedroom window and the droplets sliding down the glass, he unconsciously balls Zayn’s shirt up in a tight grip. “You’re under water desperate for air and trying to swim your way up to the surface because you know once you break through you can breathe again, and you can see it happening but it’s like the more you try to swim up the faster you sink.

“And your lungs hurt, screaming for air. Your nerve endings are pulsing setting your whole body on fire and everything—just hurts. And all you want to do is claw at your chest, claw your way out of your body just to find some relief but you can’t, so you just keep fighting and wait. Wait for someone to find you, for someone to jump in and pull you out because you’re not strong enough to do it on your own.

“You wait for the saviour that will never come.”

They go quiet as the notes of Mariah Carey’s I still believe starts playing. Silent tears spilling from Zayn’s eyes. He didn’t know, he didn’t know that the one person he looks up, views as a tower of strength has been breaking down like this, hurting like this. Louis has always seemed like the strong one between the two, always. After a beat Zayn breaks the silence.

“I’d come for you Lou.” He says quietly at first then with determination. “I’d come for you.” 

OFFICIAL END OF FLASHBACK

 

And after all of that drama, he pretty much kept himself locked up in his bedroom sleeping the days away, accepting the occasional daily calls from Liam, Niall and Zayn just to let them know he was ok, but he had no doubt that the onslaught of calls had something to do with Zayn probably confiding in his two best friends, since evidently, Louis assumes, all three of them talk behind his back given the fact that Liam called Zayn to calm him down, and Louis has no doubt that Zayn begged them to check on him just to make sure that he doesn’t do anything stupid.

Not that Louis doesn’t appreciate it, he does, and it’s nice to know his boys got his back even when it doesn’t feel like it to him.

“Mr Tomlinson,”

Louis looks up from playing with the draw strings of the green scrubs that they’d asked him to put on when he arrived then left him waiting in his assigned bed while they prep the operating room, that was half an hour ago, enough time for Louis to bite down all ten nails, rake his fingers through his hair continuously and pull and push at his draw strings and listen to the borborygmus of his stomach from being instructed not to drink or eat anything after midnight and in nervous energy.

“How are you feeling?” the doctor asks smiling warmly at him.

“Um nervous,” Louis chuckles uneasily.

The doctor laughs and squeezes Louis shoulder and Louis fights to not cower from the touch. “You’ll be just fine, you’ve met the team that will be in the operating room with you they all know what they’re doing they’ve done this kind of surgery many times before so you are in good hands no need to worry.”

Louis nods along to the doctor’s words absentmindedly all the while thinking about how he will be placed under anaesthesia in a room full of strangers he got introduced and spoke to briefly, all eleven of them.

No! Louis reprimands himself. Don’t go there you’re doing this for a good cause, you’re doing this for Alana your worries and fears do not get to factor in this this is about your daughter stop being selfish. 

“Mr Tomlinson, are you sure you’re ok?” the doctor asks noting Louis’ sudden paleness.

“Yes,” he lies, “Just wish my family was here or my friends, but my family lives all the way in Doncaster and it’d be unfair for me to ask them to come all the way here for a simple surgery.”  
“Oh, and your friends?”

“They wanted to come but I couldn’t allow them to take time off work just to seat around in the waiting room, so.” Louis shrugs.

The doctor chuckles to himself. “You’re a very selfless person has anyone told you that?”

Louis stares at him with wide eyes and shakes his head and the doctor, Daniel S, as so says on his nametag, tilts his head in a gesture that’s asking for elaboration. “I uh, wasn’t a very good person some two years ago or so, so a lot of people don’t let me forget it.” 

“You, a bad person I find that hard to believe.”

“I was.”

“No,” Daniel shakes disbelievingly and looks at Louis under his lashes. “You’re too beautiful to be bad.”

Louis notes the flirtatious lilt in his voice and is taken aback by it along with the comment. 

“Uh I—um…” Louis stutters, not knowing what to says, it has been a while since any man had openly flirted with him without creepily looking up and down his body like he’s a piece of meat and making Louis’ skin crawl with the unwanted attention, the men weren’t even that good looking.

Doctor Daniel though is a gifted man in the looks department, with his gorgeous dark brown curls, blue eyes and towering height, not to mention his cheek bones, they give Louis’ own a run for his money.

“I, god I’m sorry.” Dr Daniel flusters. “That was so inappropriate and out of the blue.”

“It’s ok.” Louis reassures equally as flustered.

“It just slipped out I swear, I was thinking it and next thing I know I was saying and,”  
Louis shakes head dismissing the whole thing. “It’s ok, it happens…um thanks.”

Dr Daniel smiles looking at Louis intensely and Louis ducks his head hiding away the blush that is brought on by that look. 

Someone clears their throat and both Louis and the doctor startle. Harry stands behind at the door with a blank stare directed at the doctor.

“Right, well I should go get prepped, it won’t be long now. A porter is going to come in and wheel you to the operating room as soon as everything is ready which will be shortly.”

Louis nods and Daniel nods and Harry continues staring blankly. 

“I should,” Dr Daniel points to the door and disappears through it after mumbling a greeting to Harry.

“Seemed in an awful hurry to get out of here,” Harry comments sitting himself down on the visitors chair.

“I guess,” Louis mumbles not looking at Harry, going back to pulling his draw strings to and fro nervously.

“Nervous?” Harry asks noting Louis’ actions and Louis nods in response.

“Well if it helps, I’ve been through this with Alana’s previous donors, you know just showing my gratitude and support and they all said it wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be.”

Louis lifts his eyes wide and fearful to Harry. “Really?”

“Yeah, they said for all their nervousness the whole experience was like taking a nap then waking up.”

Louis nods and starts muttering nervously to himself. “Taking a nap. It will be like taking a nap, taking a nap, taking a nap…”  
“Lou,” Harry takes Louis’ hand in his without thinking and Louis rips it away almost immediately.

“Sorry, sorry wasn’t thinking,” Harry says smiling sheepishly.

Louis shakes his head dismissing Harry’s apology. “I forgot how touchy feely you are,” 

Louis comments but then frowns remembering that Harry was acting the entire time in their “relationship” and suddenly he’s not sure if Harry was touchy feely or was just putting on a show for him.

Almost as if reading his mind Harry answers. “I am, touchy feely as you put it.”

Louis nods and a slightly awkward silence falls over both of them. Louis playing with his draw strings and Harry bouncing his leg nervously. Harry clears his throat when the silence gets too much for him, he’s a person who likes to engage and just sitting and not having a conversation with someone just drives him up the wall.

“I wanted to thank you Louis, for staying and helping me. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you, being back here and agreeing to do this selflessly, I just—thank you.” Harry not so eloquently stutters and stumbles through his words and a small part of Louis is warmed by it, because this Harry Louis’ mind associates with the other “kind Harry” he remembers falling for and being enamoured by and he is glad to know that at least it wasn’t an act.

“You’re welc…”

Louis gets cut off by the porter walking in with a wheel chair in tow. “Mr Tomlinson, they’re ready for you.”

Louis gulps. “Right, yes of course.” Louis gets of the bed and into the wheelchair, his fearful eyes involuntarily connecting with Harry’s.

“Like taking a nap.” Harry reassures when he sees the look in Louis’ eyes and Louis nods as the porter wheels him out of the room.

****

Here are the two worst things Louis hated waking up to in the hospital wing in jail after he’d been forced to—perform certain acts of the sexual nature unwillingly for the “monster.”   
He’d wake up with a sore throat and back amongst other things, but those two were the worst because the soreness would last for days and served as a reminder to Louis of what happened and kept happening to him.

So you can imagine the shock that went through Louis’ system when he came to after the surgery feeling groggy from the anaesthesia and woke up to the clean smell of bleach, and his eyes opened to the hospital white of the place with a sore back and throbbing throat.

He’d thought he was back in prison and that he had dreamed up his freedom, dreamed up New York and dreamed up Zayn. The machines monitoring his heart wet of beeping as he began to panic and couldn’t sit up because when he tried pain would just shoot up his spine.

A nurse rushed in and tried to calm him down but he was too far lost in his head that she had to call for someone to help pin him down while she administered a sedative to his system.

The second time around when he woke up he was a lot calmer, still groggy (thanks to the sedative this time around) but the pain in his back was gone (thank you morphine) and the soreness in his throat was not as noticeably bad as before, and what also helped differentiate reality from his head playing tricks was the sight of Harry sitting in the visitors chair (wait for it)… with Ezra in his arms.

Ezra, in cute tiny stripped pants (looks good in stripes just like his daddy), a white shirt and a jean freaking jacket, a bear beanie atop his head (which he is also rocking like his daddy) and possibly the cutest white converse high tops on his equally as cute tiny feet.

What really takes Louis’ breath away though is the fact that Ezra’s eyes are fixed on him, they aren’t moving around the room like the last time father and son crossed paths, his blue eyes mirroring Louis’ own are fixed on him and Louis lets out an audible gasp at how absolutely beautiful his boy is.  
“Ezra,” Louis chokes out sore throat and all.

Harry shifts his concentration from Ezra to Louis on the bed and sort of smiles, because he’s not sure what to do in this situation being the one to reunite father and son after he’d taken them away from the each other.

“How you feeling? How’d it go?” he asks instead and Louis shifts his wet eyes from Ezra to Harry and smiles emotionlessly.

“Like taking a nap,” without the added benefit of dreamlessness.

Harry nods and looks down at Ezra then back at Louis, whose eyes are back locked on Ezra and Ezra’s locked on him in vague recognition. It’s a sight to see.

“Would you like to hold him?” 

Louis hesitates then nods shyly and sits up in bed as Harry stands and holds Ezra out in offering. Louis reaches his hands out and takes him, holding him like he might slip right through his fingers like water in his hands.

He settles Ezra on his lap and Ezra falls to his shy stance, looking down at his hands and playing with his fingers and Louis laughs wetly, his heart melting at the sight. “He’s adorable.”

Harry nods where he stands awkwardly by the bedside, not sure what to do with himself. He should sit and not be so guarded about Louis being in contact with Ezra, but Nick’s voice keeps playing in his head that this new yet broken Louis is all an act so he can get exactly this, contact with the twins.

“Are you ok?” Louis asks noting Harry’s silence and tense stance.

“Uh, yeah,” Harry says, sitting stiffly back down and drumming his fingers on the arm rests.

Louis tries not to feel too offended by Harry’s obvious wariness, Louis can only imagine that this is Harry throwing him a bone for being a “good boy” and going through with the surgery. So instead, Louis, chooses to focus on the bundle of joy in his arms, he’s dreamed of the day of finally getting to hold his babies again and this right here, this is the closest to heaven he’ll ever get.

“Hi, Ez. Hi precious boy.” Louis coos, his voice quivering with emotions, he doesn’t know how long Harry’s generosity is going to last. Ezra digs his chin into his chest in flustered response and Louis tries not to take it personally.

“Is he always this shy or am I the exception?” I did say he “tries”.

Harry smiles up at Ezra and reaches out and pinches his cheek. “He’s the shy one between the two, if he and Lana didn’t have an obvious resemblance I wouldn’t say they are twins, they’re so different.

Louis heart melts at that term of endearment. “Lana?”

Harry blushes and avoids Louis’ eyes. “Yeah, daddy’s little girl that one. Besides you just called Ezra, Ez, so you don’t get to judge.” Harry ends with pouts.

Louis laughs, from his stomach laughs. Laughs and cries at the same time, because 1: he’s exhausted from the past week. 2: the sedative they gave him is still in effect making him so chill he couldn’t be bothered to be bothered by the snort that just escaped his mouth and lastly: he’s happy, holding his son in his arms right now he is happy.

“Look at daddy Ez, look at daddy getting his pout on,” Louis baby talks to Ezra who giggles at the change of voice and Louis smiles blindingly in response. “Yes, silly daddy.”

Harry smiles at the sight as Louis pulls Ezra in and nuzzles his nose to his neck then a second later blows a raspberry into it and tickling his sides resulting in Ezra squealing with laughter and trying to squirm and wiggle his way out of Louis’ arms.

That goes on for a minute before Louis seizes his actions and just looks at his son with a love filled expression on his face that just throws Harry off kilter, his mind flashing to a time when Louis unknowingly looked at him in that same unguarded way. And a small part of Harry wishes he’d direct that look at him…wait what? What the hell.

“Hi, you.” Louis whispers to Ezra who’s reclining against Louis drawn up thighs with a lazy smile, exhausted from all the laughing. 

Ezra reaches out with his hand in the air and Louis meets him in the middle with his own open palm, and the two hands collide gently (Think Tarzan when he held his hand up against his mother’s palm).

“He’s never been this relaxed with strangers before.” Harry points out.

Louis winces at the description of him being stranger to his own son. Harry’s eyes widen at the realisation of what he just said hits him.

“I didn’t mean…”

“No you’re right, I am a stranger to them.” Louis says with a lump in his throat, “It is what it is.” 

Harry internally curses himself out for putting his foot in his mouth. This is not the way to go about trying to mend things between Louis and himself for the sake of the twins, Alana’s especially. 

Yes, Louis gave the transplant. Yes, Alana’s surgery is tomorrow in which she’ll receive the harvested stem cells from Louis’ bone marrow via intravenous (I.V), and yes, the doctors are liking the chances of a successful transplant and successful (and slow going on steady) recovery, but that doesn’t’ mean they’re out of the woods yet.

Despite a successful transplant, the weeks post the transplant are still critical, and a lot could still go wrong while waiting for the stem cells to settle and start producing new blood cells in the empty bone they extracted the old damaged cells from.   
For one, Alana’s body could still reject the transplant despite Louis being a strong candidate or she could get an infection.

Not to mention while Alana’s body is working tirelessly to accept transplant and produce new blood cells to replace the damaged ones, Louis will be needed to come in and give blood every once in a while for blood transfusions to make up for Alana’s low number of red blood cells, so all in all this whole process is going to take longer than either Louis or Harry expected and if Harry knows if he has any hope for Alana getting better, he needs Louis.

“I’m trying.” Harry says, Louis looks at him questionably.

“To make this work to make this right. I’m trying to…understand what it is you went through, what it is you’re going through with the flashbacks and the nightmares…”

“Wait, h-how do you know about that?” Louis asks with a strained voice.

“Zayn told us, Liam and me.” Harry explains.

“Zayn…” Louis swallows down the betrayal clawing at his throat. “told you.”

“Yes, it was after the episode you had outside the hospital. You were so out of it and Liam and I couldn’t calm you down and it was scary, so Zayn told us what it was that was happening to you and I felt so—and I wanted to know more, I wanted to understand so I googled it and my god Louis, I didn’t know, I couldn’t have prepared myself for what I read…”

“You googled it.”

“Yes, I wanted to understand.”

Louis laughs humourlessly, mockingly. “You wanted to understand,” Louis says monotonously. 

“You wanted to understand something that took me about two years to overcome, not even fully overcome, just enough to feel human again. Two years and all you had to do was sit in front of your laptop screen, pull up a search engine and type in a few keywords, probably somewhere along the lines of: “rape survivors.” Or “the after effects of rape” or some other shit like that.

“That’s all it took, huh? A few keywords here and a click there and suddenly you think you understand what it is I’m going through, went through?  
Why the sudden change of tune, why are you suddenly so interested in what’s happening with me? You hardly acknowledged my existence since you asked me to come here, you hardly cared to spare my feelings when you ran into me with Ezra before, suddenly you’re allowing to hold him. Suddenly you’re researching me, to what end Harry, to what end?”

Harry was thrown off by the anger radiating off of Louis’ words even though his tone stayed neutral, probably for a sleeping Ezra’s sake. “I told you Zayn said— and i…”

Louis cuts Harry off. “I threatened to leave then Zayn said then suddenly you want to know more, but before that you couldn’t give two fucks about it.” 

Louis doesn’t know where this sudden burst of anger came from, maybe it’s everything that’s happened this past few days leading up to this, or maybe it is hearing that his best friend betrayed his trust by telling Harry about Louis’ internal uphill battle with the permanent scars the ghost of his past left, whichever one point is Louis’ angry. 

“Is it guilt, is that the motivation behind all of this sudden interest?” Louis looks down at a sleeping Ezra and frowns. “Is that what this is? Is this why you brought him here? You’re throwing me a bone, you feeling guilty about whatever part you played in me turning out this way, so you’re trying to remedy the situation by putting a Band-Aid on a bullet hole just to ease your conscience.”

Harry gets angry. “I wouldn’t use our son like that!”

“Then what do you call this exactly, what is this, why bring him here?!” 

“Because, I don’t want to turn out like my father!!! I don’t want my kids growing up secretly hating me because I took something from them that wasn’t mine to take! I took you away from them and I don’t want them to hate me for it. I can’t have that I can’t have my children hate me!”

Ezra starts whimpering in his sleep from the shouting. Louis shakes his head at Harry’s reasoning he knew this was all too good to be true. 

“I don’t even know why you’re angry, I thought you’d be glad you get to hold your son again.” Harry adds and Louis glares at him.

“Not like this. This isn’t how I imagined it happening. You weren’t supposed to do this because of you! You’re weren’t supposed to finally allow me to see my children because you feel guilty, because you don’t want them to hate you.  
You’re supposed to do it for them, because they need me, and maybe because I need them too.” Louis chokes out the anger dying out.

Louis shakes his head, his heart heavy in his chest for what he’s about to do. “Take him and go.”

“What?” Harry says not believing his ears.

“You’re selfish person Harry Styles, and you will never begin to understand what I went through, you will never understand what it like having relive your worst nightmares, you’ll never begin to understand what t’s like to be referred to as a stranger to your own children, you’ll never understand any of it.”

Louis kisses Ezra’s forehead, then looks at Harry resolutely. “Take him. The next time I hold my children it will be because they need me in their lives, because you need me in their lives, not because of this.” Louis says firmly. “Now take him and leave.”

Harry stands there and watches Louis wraps his arms around himself protectively to shield from the blow of having Harry take his son away from him again.  
Harry snaps out of it and takes Ezra from Louis’ lap and tries his best to ignore the pained cry that comes from Louis as he walks out of the hospital room with their son.

****

Niall is the one to pick Louis up from the hospital late afternoon once the doctors gave him the ok to leave and thanked him for his time.

He could tell something was off from the moment he got to Louis’ room and Louis wouldn’t look him in the eye, all though the sniffling and Louis wiping his cheeks was a dead giveaway that he has been and still is crying.

“Do you want me to stay with you Lou? I could ask Liam to bring bear and we could order pizza and get wasted?” Niall asks pulling up in front of Louis’ house.

Louis shakes his head. “I’m good, Ni. Thanks for picking me up.” 

“Are you sure?”

Louis nods and gets out of the car and makes his way to the front door. Once inside he locks the door and drags himself to the bedroom and throws himself on the bed, fresh tears coming up as he replays the scene in the hospital between him and Harry. He still can’t believe he did that, still can’t believe he gave up time with his son.

His cell rings on the bed side table and he leisurely reaches for it, a spark of anger igniting in him when he sees the caller id: Zayn.

“What!” he answers coolly. There’s static in the other end, presumably, Zayn taken aback by Louis’ anger. “Let’s not play on my phone what do you want!”

“L-Lou?” 

Louis huffs. “Zayn.”

“…Are you ok, are you…are you crying?”

Louis scoffs. “Why do you ask, you planning on running to Harry and telling him about it like you told him about the flashbacks and nightmares! How could you?!”

“Lou, I-I was only trying to help, my intentions where good.” Zayn’s voice shakes.

Louis snorts. “Hell’s road is paved with those, along with the feelings of betrayal and broken trust.” Louis cries. “I trusted you, and you just...I can’t even talk to you right now. Don’t call me, I don’t want to hear from you, I can’t stand to hear your voice.”

Zayn gasps. “Louis! I’m sorry.” Zayn sobs out and Louis hates himself for making his best friend cry, but he made him cry first, so it’s only fair.

“Keep it.” Louis hangs up and throws his phone across the room and buries his face in his pillows.

He can’t deal.


	9. chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy. don't be afraid to leave any comments, I thrive of off them and yeah, thank you for reading.
> 
> Pardon for any grammar mistakes I might have missed while editing.

CHAPTER NINE

 

“Today?” Jay says from the doorway of Louis’ room i.e. guestroom.

Louis looks away from staring at nothing through the window to his mother with confusion. “What?” 

Jay shrugs and walks into the room and joins Louis on the window bench he’s grown accustomed to sitting at for the past two weeks he has been in Doncaster visiting his family and really just needing an escape. 

“Just wondering if all this sitting here on this bench is actually you thinking about where to from here on out. I’m hoping that today is the day where, where to from now, isn’t you sitting around and watching life go on through the safety of a window and four walls.”

“Oh,”

“Mm,” Jay reaches out and cups Louis’ cheek in a mother’s comfort and Louis leans into it. “What are you doing with your life, Louis?”

Louis shrugs then sighs. “Existing apparently.”

“Existing but not living the distinction is clear.” Jay looks at her son sympathetically. “Life is meant to be lived Lou, why aren’t you living it?”

Louis scoffs and moves away from her touch, he stands and drags the blanket he was covering himself with behind him as he makes his way to his unmade bed and dropping on it. “What’s there to live for? Why bother living life when all it has to offer in return is emptiness, disappointment and pain.”

Louis shakes his head and picks up his four folding photo frame and looking at the pictures. 

“Life is nothing but a huge disappointment and the funny thing is I thought I had a handle on it while I was in New York, thought I… thought I was going back to normal. I had a best friend who understood me, I had support group and the occasional video call with my family and friends and I thought I was finally going back to normal but I finally realised that I was fooling myself. There’s no going back to normal not for me not for people like me. There’s no life there’s just existence.”

Jay doesn’t respond and Louis thinks that maybe she’s decided to drop the subject or understands his point, but he’s quickly proven wrong on both counts when he looks up and sees his mother silently crying.

“Mum?” Louis jumps up of the bed and walks to her, kneeling in front of her.

Jay shakes her head trying in vain to talk through the tears. “I-I hate this. I hate seeing you like this, the shell of the person you used to be. It’s just so hard.”

“Mum,” Louis starts and Jay cuts him off.

“Louis I think you need to talk to someone, like a professional.”

Louis brows knit in a frown of thoughtfulness. “I’ve already talked to someone mum, I went to the trauma centre and…”

“That was more of a group setting, Lou. I was thinking you have one on one kind of therapy. I’m not saying that the trauma centre wasn’t helpful, I just think what you went through is something deeper than the therapy offered at the centre could…” Jay pause trying to find the right word. “Fix? For want of a better word.” 

Louis’ head droops. “Fix.” He mutters. “You think I’m broken?” Louis questions peaking at this mother through his lashes, wanting his mother to voice what he has known all along.

Jay fish mouths for a moment but then her shoulders sag in resignation. “I can see that you are, honey. We all can.”

“We?”

Jay swallows and reaches in her apron pocket (AN: because for some reason I just imagined her with an apron on) and pulls out a folded piece of paper and hands it to Louis.

“What is it?” Louis asks afraid to unfold it and find out himself.

“Your brother drew that just the other day. I asked him why he drew you like that and he answered: “that’s how he is, he’s like Humpty Dumpty in the end.”

Now curious Louis unfolds the paper to reveal a picture of a brick wall, Louis assumes is the brick wall Humpty a.k.a him was sitting on before he had “great fall”, and right there at the foot of the wall is a stick man broken in pieces with his body part dismembered, an arm here and a leg there. What really breaks Louis’ heart is the face of the stick figure, his lips are downturned and his eyes are closed, but despite this tears still roll down his cheeks.

Fuck, Louis thinks. He knows he’d broken down in tears and cried openly in front of his siblings the first night he arrived, the moment his mother opened the door for him and he just broke down, the arguments he had with Harry and Zayn still fresh in his mind, that and the fact that in the back of his mind he knew Alana’s surgery took place that day and he hated that he couldn’t be there for it.

But after seeing that his sadness was seeping out and affecting his siblings when he chanced a glance at his little brother and sister over jay’s shoulder he was crying into and saw their lips wobbling as they watched on, he’d sworn he would not cry in front of them and had taken to crying in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping or locked away in the bathroom.

He must not have been as careful as he thought he was being, or maybe that one incident was enough for his family to catch a glimpse through the cracks and see that all their big brother is now is dead and empty inside.

 

****

Louis stays another week in Doncaster, a week of him and his mother researching therapists in London for Louis to start seeing they came up with a short list of nine potential candidates and Louis promised his mother that he’ll arrange a meeting with each to see which he feels comfortable with.

And now he’s back home, he arrived about three or so hours ago and has basically spent that time charging his cell (which he left at home to avoid any calls from certain people cough cough Zayn cough.) unpacking, online shopping and ordering books, making a to-do list of what he needs to get done. It’s his new thing, trying to find order in the chaos that is his life.

1) Buy groceries: Milk, eggs, bread, noodles (for when you don’t feel like cooking) etc.  
2) Buy essentials: toiletries i.e. deodorant, shaving cream, cologne (don’t know why bother, no one to impress)  
 While on Hygiene note, go to barber and get a haircut.  
 Don’t forget laundry detergent and fabric softener.  
3) Note to self: Don’t know how long you’re going to be in London so probably good idea to go shopping for new clothes since most of clothes is still in New York.  
4) Go to book store and get new books while waiting for the ordered ones to arrive.  
5) MOST IMPORTANTLY: MAKE TIME TO SCHEDULE APPOINTMENT WITH AT LEAST TWO THERAPISTS A DAY, IF POSSIBLE. 

Satisfied with his list he decided to get started on it tomorrow, but for now he’s hungry and he’s craving Liam’s chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese sandwich.  
So to Simply Tasteful it is, it’s probably a good idea to show face to assure his friend that he is still alive.

When he arrives the place is packed, evidently everybody decided that they weren’t in the mood to cook dinner or like him didn’t have any food at all in their kitchen and had the bright idea to come to Simply Tasteful for a meal, damn. 

“So take away it is then.” Louis mutters to himself as he makes his way to the counter fortunately there are only two people in front of him presumably both ordering something to go like Louis is. One of them stands on the side after placing his order and the person working the counter informs them their take away will be ready in a moment or two and gives him a receipt with their order number to hold on too.

Louis doesn’t feel like waiting for his food, his ravished and is sort of hoping that the employee at the counter recognises him from when Liam introduced Louis to the staff and told them that he basically is their second boss and that if they want to keep working there it was probably a good idea to serve him first before anyone else.

He was joking of course, but Louis in this moment is sort of hoping some of them took the non-threat seriously. 

“Next please.”  
Louis steps up to the counter. “Hi, I’ll have the chicken noodle soup and grilled sandwich to go please.”

“What kind of grilled sandwich?” employee points to the menu of grilled sandwiches without looking up to Louis. 

There’s quite a varied selection of options up on the menu that sound delicious like: plain cheese grilled, grilled cheese with Gouda, roasted mushrooms and onions, grilled ham, cheese, pickles and potato chips, turkey club…but Liam knows how Louis likes his grilled sandwich and he tells the employee as much.

It is then the employee looks up at him with a frown on her face, probably ready to tell him of that we don’t do special requests me make what you see on the menu and the only request you can really is if you don’t want a certain item in your food e.g. “please hold the onions.” 

The frown is quickly wiped of her face when she recognises Louis and she starts stammering. “Mr Tomlinson,”

“Hi,” Louis waves awkwardly but manages to smile warmly at her to ease her nerves. “Is Liam in?”

“He is busy helping in the kitchen, but I can get him for you if you like?”

Louis nods. “Please.”

The employee practically runs into the kitchen. When she does return it’s with a shifty looking Liam in tow. “Lou, you’re alive.”

Louis smiles and cuts to the chase. “I’m not going to keep you I can see how busy it is,” He points over his shoulder at the packed restaurant and Liam nods in agreement as he starts shifting nervously from foot to foot for some reason.

“So you’re not going to eat here then?” Liam asks his eyes shifting to a table over Louis’ shoulder and staying there for a moment before shifting back to Louis.

“I’d have to wait for a table to free up and I’m starved, so I’ll just have a chicken noodle soup and grilled sandwich the way you know I like it to go please.”

“Sure Lou, I’ll get started on those now and uh, if you’re really hungry I know of someone who wouldn’t mind sharing a table with you.”

Louis frowns at Liam’s strange behaviour. “No, I’m good I don’t want to inconvenience someone, besides I can’t do the small talk anymore so it’ll just be awkward anyway and…”

“I wouldn’t mind the awkward small talk, Lou.” A voice says behind Louis and his breath hitches at the sound of it. It can’t be.

“In fact, I’d take awkward small talk with you over radio silence right now.”

Louis swallows and looks at Liam as if asking for confirmation that the voice behind him belongs to who he thinks it belongs to. Liam nods then scurries to the kitchen mumbling that he’ll get started on Louis’ order and have someone bring his food out, on the house.

Louis takes a deep breath then turns slowly to face the person behind him and his heart jumps up to his throat when his eyes finally land on him.

“Zayn.” he manages to croak out.

Zayn smiles nervously. “Hi, Lou.”

Louis is at a loss for words. Wow he did not expect this, he did not expect Zayn to be in London…wait Zayn is in London. 

“You’re in London.” Louis points out the obvious.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Excuse me,” a waiter says carrying a try full of food and waiting patiently for them to move out of his way.

“Sorry,” Zayn apologises stepping out of the way and making his way to the table he’s occupying looking over his shoulder to make sure Louis is following, reluctantly he does. The table looking well sat in with Zayn’s sketch book set out two empty mugs with coffee stains on them and a faced down copy of—

“Is that my copy of, The Fault in Our Stars?” Louis asks picking up the book making sure to mark the page it was open at with his finger as he flips to the beginning of the book and sure enough at the bottom of the book are Louis’ initials, LW Tomlinson, with a please written to this address if found inscription next to it.

Zayn blushes up a storm and nods. “I’m reading it. Actually I’ve started reading some of your books you know like, The Perks of being a Wallflower, and…well really it’s only that one and this one so far, you know I’m not a big fan of just sitting and reading, I need a good reason to read a book.”

Zayn drums his finger nervously on the brim of the empty mug looking at Louis shyly then glancing away and Louis’ heart does not feel fond affection at that, no it does not.

“Why then?” 

“I missed you.” Zayn answers honestly. “I missed you and you weren’t answering any of my calls or messages and you were angry at me and I didn’t know what to do, and your books were just lying about the apartment and every time I caught a glimpse of one I could see a phantom shadow of you reaching for a random book and snuggling yourself in the corner of the couch and grabbing your glasses and reading. And I missed you, so I grabbed a random book snuggled myself in your corner of the couch and started reading just to see what the big deal was about.”

Louis is left speechless. Zayn just broke his heart and mended it all in one go. 

“FYI you left your impression on the corner of the couch, seriously it smells like you.”

Louis clears his throat of the lump forming there. “If this is…if you’re attempting to apologise…” Louis trails of, knowing trying to keep up the act of being angry at Zayn is becoming a losing game. 

“I’m sorry,” Zayn says abruptly, shakily. His hand that’s resting on the table slowly mincing its way to Louis’ own, not sure he is allowed to touch. “I am so sorry, Lou. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. I—I honestly thought I was helping you have to believe me Lou, I would never hurt you intentionally like that you’re my best friend.

“You know that right?” Zayn pleads, big wet eyes looking into Louis’ soul.

Louis looks down, tracing his finger on the spine of the book. “We both made a pact that we would only come back to London if there was a good enough and compelling enough reason to come back. Mine was Alana. And yours is…”

“You.” Zayn finishes, taking Louis’ hand in his, throwing caution to the wind. “You’re the reason. Call me selfish but I can’t have you hate me. You’re all that I have, you know that.” 

And Louis’ reserve crumbles and he all but jumps across the table into Zayn’s arms crying into his shoulder as they hug not caring about the weird looks they’re getting. When they eventually do break away, Louis punches Zayn in the arm hard before settling back in his chair.

“Damn you.” Louis says, wiping his tears with his sleeve.

“What was that for?” Zayn asks rubbing his arm.

“You just…you just made me realise something.”

Zayn raises a questioning brow and Louis sighs, sagging against the chair. “Harry. You just more or less echoed Harry’s words back to me when you said you couldn’t have me hate you because I’m all that you have. Harry said pretty much the same thing about the twins and at the time I thought he was being selfish and a part of me still does, but now a part of me also sort of gets it.”

“What happened?” Zayn asks concerned.

Louis sighs, smiling thankfully at the waiter who brings out his takeaway. “It’s a long story. How about I tell you about it over shared chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese sandwich?”

Zayn smiles at the invitation and nods enthusiastically. “I’d love that.”

 

****

“Do you know any pace other than slow? Come on people come on, you are burning day light. You want to get paid don’t you?”

Harry frowns his way down the stairs at the sound of Nick blatantly disrespecting his staff, he turns the corner into the living room and finds Nick standing in the middle of it, hands on his hips and tapping his foot on the carpet whilst the cleaning staff are performing their duties at their up to par level, excellence.

“Stop bothering the staff Nick, they’re doing an immaculate job.”

Nick turns and faces him in a huff with a look of irritation on his face. “No, they’re not, they’re SLACKING.” Nick critics, making sure to emphasise the word “slacking” on purpose for the staff to hear, some of them looking very uncomfortable at the clear threat to their employment. “You’re too soft with them and they’re clearly taking advantage.”

Harry rolls his eyes and looks to his staff with a reassuring smile. “You’re doing a great job, please carry on and ignore him.”

Nick makes a noise of indignation not appreciating the help being told to ignore him. Harry turns and heads to the kitchen to check on the chefs and Nick stomps after him.

“What the hell was that?” Nick questions throwing his hands in the air.

“What was what?”

“That in there, you telling those people to ignore me.”

Harry sighs, swallowing down his irritation. He navigates around the chefs in the kitchen, making himself coffee and a little bite to eat. 

“Respect respects Respect, Nick. If you want to throw your weight around, you do it to your own staff in your penthouse and not under my roof to my staff who have worked for me longer than you have been in my life. And in case you’re forgetting, “those people” came in on their day of to clean the house because you decided to throw a last minute get together here without asking me first. Same goes for these guys.” 

Harry points at the chefs in the kitchen preparing pastries and sandwiches for the high tea get together and trying hard to act like they’re not listening or enjoying Nick being grilled by Harry.

“They’re all going to get paid for this, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal. They’re supposed to be at the restaurant and not here, everyone, including me had to drop what they’re doing at your request because you’re trying to impress some client so that you can fool into thinking you’re a family guy and can play house, so please a little less attitude and a little more gratitude, it would be appreciated, yeah.”

Nick stands before Harry with a gapped mouth stare as Harry settles down at the breakfast table and digs in on his food seemingly paying Nick no mind. Taking the silence for what it is, a silent dismissal, Nick, storms out of the kitchen. 

Harry shakes his head and continues on eating. One of the chefs walks over and places a slice of banana loaf in front of him and a hang in there squeeze of shoulder.

“Thank you.”

****

He is sitting out in his beautifully manicured garden, at an equally beautiful high tea table with colourful and delicious spread of food and a lively conversation going on between Nick, his colleague and Nick’s friend, Steve?, and of course the guest of honour a.k.a the client Nick is trying to recruit, the late Mr Lloyd’s widow, Karen.

He is surrounded by all of these this and all he can think about is how he wishes he had a hand gun in his hands at that moment to blow his brains out, that’s how much he does not want to be here listening to Nick and Steve subtly try to convince Karen to sign on as a client to their firm with their fancy lawyer talk.

This being the same client Nick swore and bragged he had eating out of his hand just a few weeks ago but as it turns out Mrs Lloyd wasn’t as easily charmed by Nick’s bravado or fooled by his lawyer talk as Harry has begun to suspect he has been.

Harry is not even sure what has brought this on, this sudden…he doesn’t want to call it mistrust. Questioning maybe? Suspicion?

All he knows is that he woke up one day turned his face to look at his sleeping partner and the feeling was just there and Harry hasn’t been able to shake it, and it’s because of that he has grown easily frustrated and irritated with everything Nick does.

The way Nick breathes too loudly. Uses too much cologne. Saunters into a room/Harry’s house like he owns the place and how obnoxiously flippant he is about things that especially bother Harry, the list just goes on and grows every day.

“Right Harold?”

“What?” Harry asks looking confusedly around the table, all eyes on him.

“He has his head in the clouds this one.” Nick jokes uneasily, throwing Harry a look as the rest of the table laughs.  
“I was just telling Nick about how my husband, heaven rest his soul, and I loved traveling and especially trying out the different restaurants during our travel. And how no matter how many restaurants we’ve dined at we had one that was always our favourite and always beat out the rest, Polac. That’s where we had our first date. And we loved that Polec, is a worldwide franchise so chances were two out three places we travelled to there was Polec.

“It was like reliving our first date all over again whenever we visited one of the branches. And I was just telling everyone how I would love to meet the man behind so many of mine and my husband’s happy memories.” Mrs Lloyd explains.

Harry nods politely, not at all interested in playing any further part of Nick’s game but not wanting to be rude to his guest. “Wow, this is a happy coincidence then.”

Mrs Lloyd face lights up. “So it’s true then, you’re the face behind the brand?”

“Yes, it was my father’s dream to open up a chain of restaurant worldwide, he opened up the first Polec here in London but he passed away before he could take it worldwide, so it was left up to me to do just that.” Harry explains.

“That’s amazing. How old are you?” She asks with genuine intrigue.

“25.”

“25, and you’ve archived so much of your father’s dream, turned it into a family business. I imagine he must be so proud.”

“That’s my Harry.” Nick boasts and the table laughs. Harry tries not to roll his eyes.

Harry chuckles to himself. “I imagine right about now he must be turning in his grave considering I’m planning on selling a small portion of my shares to my very near future business partner as soon as I find one.”

“You’re what?!” Nick questions completely blindsided.

Harry ignores him. “Running a chain of restaurants was my father’s dream not mine and I’ve been in the restaurant world longer than I intended to be. And unfortunately it has demanded and still demands too much of my time that I can no longer spare. Before I wouldn’t have minded so much but now I have a daughter that’s sick and her twin brother who both need me.

“And I can’t be there for them if I’m always cutting my time short with them to attend to a problem one of the branches is having or traveling half way across the world for a business meeting or a function. So I’m going to get a business partner who is going to do all of that, while I for once do what I want.”

Mrs Lloyd’s smile of admiration is directed at Harry as she nods approvingly. “I like you Harry. You remind me of my late husband, he also lived to work for other people before he decided to live and work himself and he valued his family.” her smile falters then dims.

“It’s a pity they didn’t value him much though. His daughters. Especially after he married me. They didn’t approve you see, they thought I was beneath them, that I was only in it for the money. They begged their father not to marry me and when their father didn’t listen to them and married me anyway despite their approval they wrote him off but he never stopped reaching out to them because he values family.

“His last wish and in fact his condition in the will was that the girls and I are to go to a court ordained family therapy to try and sort out our differences, to try and be a family, that’s the only way the girls will be allowed to access their share of the money.”

“And as you can imagine they don’t approve.” Nick jumps in, finally the conversation going where he had been hoping it would lead. “They’re taking her to court, contesting the will. And they don’t just want half of what is owed to them, they’re going after everything.”

Harry shakes his head disapprovingly. “That’s awful.”

“Exactly, which is why you need our firm, Woods Bates and partners, to represent you. Need me to represent you if you have any chance of beating them.” Nick says to Karen, laying it thick.  
Harry bites his tongue to keep himself from pointing out to Nick that he has completely missed the mark. That Mrs Lloyd isn’t looking to sue her step daughters but to honour her husband’s last wish and find a way to reconcile with the girls. And what she wants in a lawyer is for him to tell her that that is an option even if it is not possible, something Nick is clearly not seeing.

Karen looks to Harry. “What would you do Harry, if you were me?” Mrs Lloyd asks catching Harry of guard.

The whole table turns to look at him. Nick looking at him pointedly, obviously wanting Harry to persuade her into accepting his offer of representation.

“Uh, I’m really the wrong person to ask, my experience of taking someone who is by some degree of the law family wouldn’t be helpful.” Harry answers honestly.

“Oh, who have you taken to court?”

Harry hesitates for a moment then answers. “The twin’s other father, twice now.” 

Harry chances a glance at Nick, who is wearing a tight expression, nostrils flaring in contained anger at the mention of Louis. Regardless of Nick’s obviousness of wanting the, “Louis subject”, (as Nick has come to call it every time Harry brings up Louis,) dropped, Harry soldiers on with it.

“The first time I met him I knew he wasn’t a good person and that he was playing a game with me, and I justly along with some former friends/business partners of mine took him to court for it, because he had played the same game with them as he had attempted with me.”

Mrs Lloyd cocks her head. “What kind of game?”

Harry waves his hand dismissively. “It doesn’t matter, it’s in the p…”

“He was a con-artist. Targeted wealthy men and married them then divorced them for a huge settlement. His case was big some two years ago, his name and pictures splashed all over the media you might recall his name, Louis Tomlinson.” Nick divulges the information in spite.

Harry glares at Nick who shrugs nonchalantly and says. “You’re the one who brought him up.”

Harry takes a deep calming (not so helpful) breathe and turns his attention back to his guest who’s eyebrows have met her hair line at the information and scene unfolding. “Anyway, I took him to court and he got sent to jail, deservingly. The second time around I took him to court was to get full custody of the twins, that is a long and private story,” He pointedly looks at Nick to keep his mouth shut.

“I won’t get into. Point is I’m not the right person to get advice from on whether or not you should fight back against your step daughters.  
But if you must insist, then all I can say is that from my experience, fighting back may seem like a good idea at first but somewhere down the line you start to question whether it was a good idea. Especially once you stepped back long enough to see the damage fighting back caused. You going to start to wonder if there could have been other options to explore other than taking action instead of,” harry shrugs. “Talking it out.”

Nick loses it.

“Oh my god!” Nick exclaims, rubbing his hands down his face. His body practically shaking in anger. 

“Talking it out! What was there to talk out, the idiot got himself caught up in the middle of a Jail fight in the cafeteria and did nothing to defend himself in his condition when the situation got out of control.”

Harry’s narrow as he processes Nick’s words. “I thought you said he started the fight with his cellmate, in their cell.”

A pregnant pause passes with Nick fish mouthing. “Started a fight got into a fight what’s the difference, point is…”

“Point is the difference is huge, Nick. A very huge difference. So which is it?” Harry grits out.

“Harry...” 

“I think it is time for you to leave. Now.” Harry says to his guests the proceeds to get up and storm into the house.

Harry paces the living room floor, fuming. His mind racing as he thinks back to all the information Nick had fed him about Louis’ progress in prison, questioning if any of it was true. His mind also wonders back to the day Louis came to the house after he was released and swore that he did not start any fight, and Harry didn’t believe him.

He hears Nick come in and he turns around pinning Nick into place with an icy glare before saying. “You lied to me didn’t you, there was no fight?!”

Nick sighs and steps further into the room, he stops short of Harry. “There was a fight, Harry. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Harry scoffs. “I think you have and you are.”

Nick groans in frustration. “I got confused. Started a fight. Got into a fight, there isn’t that much of a difference there. You know how riled up I get when you start talking about him, lately it’s all you talk about, Louis this and Louis that, I’m tired of hearing about him. And today of all days when you know I’m trying to hook a client you go and talk about him.  
So yeah, I got angry. And I obviously got confused and mixed up and I said something I didn’t mean. Harry.” 

“Harry.” Nick places his finger underneath Harry’s chin and lifts Harry’s gaze from the floor to his eyes. “Louis started that fight, he started the fight and put Alana and Ezra’s lives in danger, if I hadn’t convinced you to fight for sole custody then god only knows what would have happened to them stuck in that place with him. They probably would have ended up dead.”

Harry takes a step back from Nick all the while shaking his head. “You said the exact same words to me when you were trying to convince me to sue for sole custody. After you convinced me not to go see him in prison to get his side of the story. And I listened then. I believed you then.” 

Harry fixes Nick with an unrelenting look. “Not now though, I don’t believe you.” 

“Harry,” Nick starts but Harry stands his ground. 

“Leave. Now.”

“You can’t be se…”

“Leave Nick! Now!”

Nick inhales sharply and moves towards the front door. He stops and turn to Harry once he reaches it. “I was protecting you. That gold digging freak of nature doesn’t deserve you or those kids.”

And with those last words Nick walks out.


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all very much for the lovely comments, I truly appreciate them.  
> I didn't think that I would be posting a new chapter so soon after the last one but I was inspired and I kept typing and here it is.
> 
> I hope you enjoy, keep the comments coming, I love them to death.
> 
> mwah.

CHAPTER TEN

 

“Right, let’s see what we have h…oh.” 

Louis and Zayn stop their conversation and look to Dr Daniel who has skidded to an abrupt halt halfway to entering the room, seemingly his feet not being his only limbs to stop working what with his hands hanging in the air, one hand fully covered with the blue rubber glove and the other only midway to being covered.

“Louis!” Dr Daniel says in greeting, then flushes suddenly. “I mean, Mr Tomlinson.”

Louis who is seated on the bed as instructed by the nurse waves. “Dr Daniel S.”

Dr Daniel stands there at the doorway staring for a moment, still very much frozen on the spot. Zayn clears his throat from the visitors chair and nods at the doctor in greeting startling the doctor into action.

“Zayn.” Zayn says in introduction. “Nice scrubs.”

Dr Daniel looks down at his pink scrubs and soon the colours of his cheeks match them when he looks back up to the two in the room. Dr Daniel begins to explain unnecessarily the reason for his pink attire as he enters the room, closing the door behind him and makes his way to the side of the bed and fully pulls on his glove. 

“Uh yeah, a patient vommed all over my usual scrubs so I had to improvise. I don’t usually wear pink, blue being my preferred choice in scrubs whether it is light blue or navy, but the hospital is crazy busy today thanks to the accident on the highway, so I had to hurry up and get changed and I guess I just grabbed the pink ones without looking, and I am rambling.”

He stretches his hand out to Zayn to shake. Zayn stares at the offered hand, deliberating on whether he should take the offering or not, he like I’ve mentioned not is a fan of human contact (unless it’s Louis, of course). He looks to Louis as if to ask if it’s ok to touch and Louis shrugs in reply.

“I’m Dr Daniel, paediatrician.” Dr Daniel says shaking Zayn’s hand.

Zayn nods. “Zayn.” He nods to Louis. “Moral support.”

“Right,” Dr Daniel says awkwardly extracting his hand and grabbing the clip board at the end of the bed and reading it. 

“Says here you were called in to give blood.” Dr Daniel says, he looks to Louis for confirmation who nods. “Well, you know the drill, sleeve rolled up, recline back and arm on the arm rest, please.”

Louis does as he’s told and does a good job of not reacting to being touched as the doctor places the blood pressure cuff around his upper arm and slapping the skin underneath the cuff with his index and middle finger to find a vein, having already given himself the “You’ve had to do this about a hundred times before in the last month,” prep talk.

“I thought a nurse usually does this sort of thing, you know take blood.” Louis says filling in the awkward silence that had fallen in the room.

“Usually,” Dr Daniel says while he sterilises the needle that is attached to a long plastic tube leading to the blood bag that is going to be filled with Louis’ blood. “But like I said during my rambling, it’s crazy today, so we’re all helping out where we can or are needed.”

Louis licks his lips and nods. “Ouch!” he exclaims when the doctor inserts the needle into his vein.

“Sorry,” Dr Daniel apologises. “Form a fist and tighten It.” he instructs. “Relax your fist…tighten it again…”

“So paediatrician huh?” Zayn says, bored of just sitting there and watching the weird tension between the two before him and weird flirtation ritual of tighten your fist…ok now relax it.

“Yes,” Dr Daniel says.  
“What does that you know entail exactly?”

“Uh, I’m basically a child’s physician, I provide medical care for both children who are acutely and chronically ill. Well, not just children I work with infants, toddlers and teenagers up to the age of twenty-one.”

“Mm, and do you get paid a lot of money?”

“Zayn!” Louis exclaims, looking at Zayn with wide eyes.

Dr Daniel laughs, showing he is not offended by the question. “I make enough to make life comfortable, yes.”

“So a lot of money then.” Zayn deadpans, ducking out of the way when Louis tries to swat at him even though he can’t move that much because the needle in his arm.

“You don’t have to answer him, that’s just a rude question.” Louis says, but Dr Daniel smiles at both he and Zayn once again not offended 

“It’s okay, he’s right it’s a lot of money. I rarely get to spend on myself…” Dr Daniel trails of, then quietly adds on. “or anyone.”

Dr Daniel coughs pointedly, his fingers tapping nervously on the table the blood bag is on, which is halfway to being filled. “So, I didn’t see you on the day of Alana’s surgery or the days after.”

Louis’ body stiffens at the remark and Zayn in reaction to this glares at the doctor. Dr Daniel noting this scrambles to rectify the situation. “I don’t mean anything by it. It’s just I would have loved to see you, you know to give you and Mr Styles both the good news that Alana is doing well, they have been no signs of her rejecting the transplant which is good.” 

“Really?” Louis asks with wide eyes, greedily taking in information on Alana’s progress.

“Yes. Didn’t Mr Styles tell you?”  
“Oh, uh, no. I’ve been out of town for the past few weeks, so.” Louis shrugs.

“Still he could have called to inform you, surely.” Dr Daniel argues with a confused look on his face.

Louis swallows uncomfortably. “I supposed, but Harry and I aren’t really—he is not legally obligated to tell me anything about anything really.”

“Yes, but you’re both her parents.”

“Yes, we are, but legally he is her sole father and I am,” he frowns not knowing what to say. “I am what I am.”

“Oh.” Dr Daniel remarks oh so intelligently.

“Yeah, oh.” Louis says, shoulders slouching sinking into himself.

“So, you two aren’t together then?” Dr Daniel asks with twinge of hope in his tone that Louis picks up on.

Louis shakes his head no. “We ended a long time ago.”

“Hm,” Dr Daniel comments, removing the pressure cuff of Louis’ arm followed by the needle and placing a small piece of cotton wool on the needle site then covers it up with a Spongebob Squarepants Band-Aid.

“And you two are together then?” He asks of Louis and Zayn relationship status all the while wrapping a bandage dressing around Louis’ arm.

“god no!” Zayn who has been sitting back and observing the scene before exclaims with a blush on his cheeks.

Louis with an equally matching blush concedes. “We’re friends, best friends.”

“Slash roommates, slash kindred spirits.” Zayn adds on, adopting verbal diarrhoea in the uncomfortable situation of his and Louis’ relationship being questioned.

Dr Daniel nods, badly concealing a smile in his mask of professionalism. “Good. I should take this down to where it is needed.” He says holding up the full blood bag. 

“You should stay of your feet for the next fifteen minutes, a nurse will come in to give you some water and a light snack. You need to keep the bandage on for the next four to five hours and drink lots of water for the next few days.” Dr Daniel looks to Zayn. “You’ll make sure he does won’t you?”

Zayn nods numbly, the way Dr Daniel went from curious blushing casual to professional giving him whiplash. 

“Good, I’ll be going now.” He looks at Louis with a blinding smile. “See you around.” And with that he leaves

“What just happened?” Louis asks, dumbfounded.

“Uh, I could be wrong I’m a little rusty, but I think Dr Daniel is hot for patient or rather patient’s dad.”

Louis looks at Zayn red faced, blushing up a storm. “What, no way.”

“Yes way.” Zayn narrows his eyes at Louis in observation. “And by the look of that blush I’m thinking you’re also nursing your own little crush.”

“Don’t be silly Zayn. I don’t look at men that way anymore. I lost my taste for them in prison, I lost my taste for any functioning intimate relationship in prison and it’s going to stay that way till my dying breath.” Louis declares.

A nurse comes in with a tray of bottled water, an apple and a chocolate muffin and places it on the side table for Louis to start consuming. “Dr Daniel asked me to give you this, it’s a list of do’s and don’ts after giving a large amount of blood that you need to follow for the next few days, amongst other helpful instructions.” 

The nurse hands over a folded piece of paper and hands it over to Louis then leaves. Louis hands it over to Zayn and reaches for the bottle of water. Soon Zayn starts laughing to himself and hands over the paper to Louis when he gives him a questioning look.

Louis takes the paper and reads down the printed list of instructions, Louis blushes when he sees the number scribbled at the bottom of the paper in pen with Dr Daniel’s name and surname written underneath. Daniel Sharman.

 

****

A week, that’s how long it takes Harry to summon up the courage to tuck tail between his legs and seek Louis out.  
Only problem with that plan being he does not know where Louis lives or have any way to contact him telephonically, something he realises now he should have tried to find out from the beginning of this whole ordeal but he was too caught up in himself to even bother.

The only other option, aside from cornering Louis at the hospital during his appointment to give blood to Alana, is to go into the lion’s den i.e. Simply Tasteful, and ask Liam for Louis’s address. Although he has a feeling that Liam would much rather punch him again despite them being civil with one another than give away Louis’ location.

And he was right.

“No!” Liam says firmly from his place behind the counter, muscled armed crossed over his chest.

“Seriously?” Harry all but whines.

“Yes seriously, Styles. I don’t know if you don’t know this but, Louis, isn’t particularly fond of us spreading his business about with any Tom, dick or,” Liam looks pointedly at Harry. “You know where this is going.”

Niall laughs at the unintended joke from where he is crouching in front of the pram making funny faces at Ezra. Harry looks down at him and Niall shrugs. “What, it was funny.”

Harry sighs and runs his fingers through his unkempt hair. “I just really need to talk to Louis, it’s important.”

“If it’s so important you can wait for him here, he and Zayn are bound to show up eventually.” Liam advices and Harry nearly gets whiplash from how fast his head spins in Liam’s direction.

“Zayn’s in London?”

“Yes, he came to London to fix things between him and Louis after their fallout over you.”

“Me?” Harry asks standing straighter in attention.

“Not really you, just the fact that Zayn told us about Louis flashback problem and Louis didn’t feel comfortable about being exposed like that and he felt betrayed, so he sort of cut ties with Zayn for a short while, and Zayn came to London to fix things between them.” Liam says.

“Yeah, and Louis forgave him, just like that?” Harry asks nervously, hoping in vain that Louis could do the same once Harry has cleared the air and told him the truth.

“As far as we can tell, yes.” Niall supplies. He gets up of the floor and faces Harry expectedly. “Sooo, are you going to wait around for Louis?”

Harry shrugs seeing no other way. “Looks like it.”

“Awesome.” Niall claps his hands excitedly then points to Ezra who is currently staring up at his dad and Niall, whilst blowing bubbles with his spit. “Can I carry him?”

“Uh…” Harry says hesitantly. “He’s not comfortable with strangers.”

Niall rolls his eyes skywards. “Come on Styles, you and I both know if you had stuck to your original deal with Louis of co-parenting, I’d be this little man’s favourite godfather.”

Liam scoffs. “You, really?”

Niall glares at Liam. “Yes, and in that perfect world, we’d” Niall gestures to three of them. “Somehow end up friends, so.” 

Niall drops down to his haunches and starts unbuckling Ezra and picking him up, Harry looks on apprehensively. “Oh calm your tits Styles and take a seat, you look like you haven’t slept or eaten in days and are about to keel over.”

Harry is about to argue that he is fine, but Liam fixes him with a look that Harry almost mistakes for concern, but it can’t be. “He’s right, take a seat Styles. I’ll get you something to drink.”

Liam disappears into the kitchen before Harry can protest. Harry drags himself to one of the booths and collapses into it. Truth is he is exhausted he hasn’t been able to get a decent night sleep with all of his thoughts and guilt eating away at him.  
Ever since Nick’s slip, Harry has been questioning every action he took against Louis and driving himself crazy with the consequences Louis may have suffered because of said actions. 

He already has an idea, Louis has occasionally painted a picture for him of what he suffered through while he was inside, but he doesn’t know to what level of painful extent.

“You’re not going to upset him are you?” Niall asks suddenly sitting across from Harry and breaking him from is pondering. “because that’s all you seem to do when you two talk.”

Harry can hear the concern in Niall’s voice despite the light nonchalant tone that delivered the words. Harry gives him an unsure smile and says. “I’ll try not to, but every time I’m around him I seem to suffer foot in mouth syndrome.”

Niall sort off scoff chuckles. “No shit, Styles, you could make a profession out of it.”

Harry can’t disagree. “I suppose so.”

Liam comes out of the kitchen with a tray of burgers and wedges, following behind him an employee with his own tray of glasses filled with orange juice, with ice crinkling inside and a jug of OJ in the middle of the tray. 

They set the respective plates and drinks in front Harry and Niall, Liam orders his employee to get one of the highchairs they have in the office for instances like this when a customer brings a child to the restaurant.

“What’s all this?” Harry asks stunned at the hospitality. 

“What’s it look like, it’s food.” Liam quips and points to the diaper bag in the storage compartment of the pram. “Do you have a sippy cup in there?”

Harry nods robotically and Liam reaches underneath the pram for the diaper bag and takes out the sippy cup after some digging. He then proceeds to fill it with orange juice from the jug, the employee comes back with the highchair in tow and places it next to Niall who is bouncing Ezra on his knee.

“You wanna, help me out here Styles?” Niall gestures to Ezra who is trying to reach for the plate of food on the table.

“Oh, right.” Harry gets out of the booth and takes Ezra from Niall and places him in the highchair. Ezra happily reaches for the French toast sticks drizzled in honey and starts munching on them his mouth forming a pout as he chews.

“Well damn, I don’t like you much Styles, but you and Louis sure know how to make cute babies together.” Niall fawns, his eyes glued to Ezra.

Harry so does not blush at that or take any pride in the compliment (AN: lies I tell) Harry coughs into his hand and dips a wedge in the tiny bowl of tomato sauce. “You should see him and Alana together.”

“Mm, maybe someday soon.” Niall says taking a big bite out of his burger.

 

****

“You’re kidding me.” Harry exclaims looking at Niall in disbelief.

“I do not kid about what I do for a living.” Niall says defensively.

“You’re literally in business of knowing other people’s business. As in you literally cannot mind your own business even if someone were to tell you to.”

Niall beams proudly and shrugs. “What can I say? If you don’t want me to find any skeletons in your closet, bury them.”

“That is literally his business motto.” Liam says shaking his head fondly at Niall; a sleepy Ezra in his arms and empty plates of food long forgotten.

“And did you ever, you know…”

“Make your business my own?” Niall finishes off for Harry who nods in response. “Duh, how do you think Louis found you?”

“I thought he saw my picture in the papers then looked me up on the net or something.” Harry says, absolutely blown by this conversation.

Niall scoffs. “Uh, armature hour. You want real information on someone you don’t look them up on the net, half the stuff on their profiles are sugar coatings, what they want people to see. I on the other hand dig deeper and that’s why I make the big bucks.”

“There’s no way you make a lot of money from that sort of business.” Harry says.

“Says who, have you any idea what people will pay for a little piece of information, whether it’s for business reasons, personal or otherwise? Loads.” Niall boasts.

Harry shakes his head disapprovingly. “That’s despicable.”

“That’s business.” Niall shrugs. “And a man’s gotta eat.”

Despite himself Harry laughs along with Liam and Niall, but his laugh is soon cut short when he looks to the door and sees Zayn walk in looking every bit the model as Harry remembers, with his hair pulled into a ponytail and what looks like a headband comb keeping any possible loose strands from his face.

And following behind him, Louis, with his own long hair pulled back by simple thick black headband, (what did they do coordinate?) and Harry could just be biased thinking this but, yeah, Louis rocks the hairband look way better than Mr face made from marble cut by diamonds Malik.

Zayn and Louis both make their way to the counter and ask for Liam’s whereabouts, not having spotted Harry and the other two yet. The employee behind the counter nods in their direction, and like in slow motion Louis and Harry’s eyes meet when Louis looks over, and Louis’ eyes widen when it registers with him that Harry is sitting right there in his and his friends usual booth.

Harry not knowing what to do, with nerves suddenly bubbling up, waves awkwardly at Louis. At the gesture Liam and Niall both look behind them and their eyes simultaneously widen comically and they duck down leaving Harry to face the music on his own.

Harry shifts in his seat as Louis and Zayn approach, he tries not to narrow his eyes at Zayn’s arm that he has just thrown over Louis’ shoulder or the fact Louis shrinks into its comfort like it’s shielding him, from who though, surely not from him, Harry thinks.

“Hi,” Louis greets unsurely. Eyes traveling from each one of their faces to the dirty dishes on the table then finally Ezra in Liam’s arms.

“Hey Louis.” All three occupants at the table greet at the same time. 

“And Zayn,” Liam adds to which Zayn nods in response.

An awkward silence follows the greeting.

Louis clears his throat and looks to his friends, Liam and Niall, who aren’t sure how they’re supposed to act now. Given the fact that they both just sat down and dined with the enemy and if they’re being honest it wasn’t all that bad. 

“What’s all this?” Louis asks.

Harry answers, well blurts out really. “I need to talk to you!” 

He flusters when he realises how loud that came out. “Uh, we need to talk.” He tries again at a normal volume. “In private please, it’s important.”

He looks around the place and realises there really is no private place they can talk. They could use Liam’s office but he has seen staff going in and out of there a handful of time in the hour and a half he has been there, so that’s a definite no.

“Mind taking a walk with me?” Harry asks when he sees no other option.

Reluctantly Louis agrees. “Uh, sure I guess.” 

Louis steps out from underneath Zayn’s arm and looks back over his shoulder at his friend and smiling reassuringly. Harry smiles tightly in gratitude and stands and looks to Liam holding a now sleeping Ezra.

“Oh right.” Liam says getting the message. He passes Ezra gently over to Niall who in turn passes him over to Harry.

“Could you set it to carriage mode?” Harry asks Louis, nodding to the pram.

Louis nods jerkily and gets to work on it, he frowns when he realises he doesn’t really know how to go about setting it from stroller mode to carriage. “How do you…”

“Here,” Harry says, offering Ezra to Louis. 

Louis hesitates, remembering his words at the hospital about not carrying Ezra and until Harry understands how both he and the children need each other. Zayn clears his throat behind Louis and nudges him with his elbow. Louis snaps out of it and takes Ezra from Harry, he watches on enviously as Harry easily switches modes like he has done a hundred times before, then steps back to allow Louis to lay Ezra down in the pram and tuck him in.

Which Louis is so, extremely grateful for, he has dreamed about getting the chance of tucking his twins in and saying goodnight to them. Although at the moment he has no idea of how soon that dream is going to come true.

****

They’ve been walking for a while with no particular destination in mind, neither one of them having said a word. Harry’s silence unnerving Louis, making him wonder minutely, obsessively, if what Harry wants to talk about is Alana’s recovery: has she gotten worse, relapsed maybe?

But that can’t be, just a few hours ago, Dr Daniel spoke of how well Alana has been doing, so she can’t have somehow relapsed in that short amount of time could she?

Harry sighs heavily, letting out the first audible sound between them since they left the restaurant. “I don’t know where to begin.”

Louis’ heart jumps in his chest anxiously. “It’s not about Alana is it?”

“What, no. This isn’t about that.” Harry reassures.

Louis breathes a sigh of relief thanking god while he’s at it. “Then what’s this important thing you need to talk to me about?”

Harry’s grip tightens on the handle of the pram. This is it, the moment of truth. “Uh, I found something out very recently and it’s going to change things.   
But before I tell you what it is I found out, I’d would like for you to tell me, no I—I’d like to give you the chance I never gave you, to tell me what exactly happened the day you ended up in the prison hospital, the day Alana and Ezra were born.”

A kick in the gut is what it feels like, a crippling kick in the gut. 

Louis had always imagined what it would be like, feel like, to just have Harry visit or even call him and say those words to him, ask him for his side of the story, he never imagined it would feel like this, a fucking kick in the gut.

Even after getting out of prison and starting his new life in New York, he still in the back of his mind prayed that Harry would ask, because, well, wouldn’t that count as a first step of many steps in the uphill battle towards something, towards…his children. 

“W-why…now?” He asks choppily, taking deep quiet breathes, the air in his lungs seeming to have left him.

“Please Louis, I need to know.” Harry begs.

Louis stops walking, and leans against a street lamp and wraps his arms around him to steady him, steady his legs which feel like they just might give out underneath him.

“Fuck,” Louis says under his breathe, looking at Harry with wet eyes. “Shit.’

Harry reaches out a hand wanting to squeeze Louis’ arm in some show of comfort, but he stops himself, not sure if his touch is welcomed, instead he places it back on to the handle and stands in front of Louis and waits for him to start telling his side patiently.

Louis takes in a lung full of shaky breath and looks out to the street at the passing cars and starts his story, not risking looking at Harry in case he breaks down. “It was a uh, normal days I guess, as far as prison goes. Got woken up at seven thirty like every other day, got told to go to the showers and take a quick ten minute/fifteen minute shower and get back to our cells to get changed before going down to the cafeteria for breakfast.

“They were serving oats that day, like they do on every oatmeal Thursday, if we’re lucky with a fruit or two. I was sitting with three other prisoners, minding my own business as I had learned to do to avoid unnecessary drama. Everything was just fine one minute and then.”

Ezra chooses that moment to let out a whine in his sleep, Louis’ eyes drop to his form and his eyes cloud over when he thinks how he and Alana could have died that day, never having seen the world or breathed it in.

“I don’t know what started the argument or even why it started. It all happened so fast. The two guys I was sitting with they went at each other, knocking the food of the table to the floor and just causing the other prisoners to get riled up, and then suddenly everyone is fighting around me, on me.

“There were just fists flying and feet kicking all around me, and I couldn’t find a way out of the chaos. Suddenly out of nowhere I feel this stabbing pain in my stomach and I fell to the floor.” Louis blindly reaches for his stomach and places a hand there with a haunted look like he is reliving the ordeal.

“I look up and my cellmate is just standing over me with a smirk on his face and I realised he kicked me. He wasn’t a fan of mine, he was one of the many that thought I was a freak. He lifted his foot and kicked me in my stomach again and this time the pain that followed was just unbearable, it took my breath away.   
“I was so focused on it that I didn’t even realise that I was bleeding and that the guards where on the scene and one of them was kneeling in front of me talking to me, saying words to me I couldn’t make out above the pain.

“The next thing I knew I was in the hospital wing, being cut open and in pain still. I was one breath away from passing out and the last thing I remember seeing is the prison doctor holding one of the twins in his hand and I slipped into a coma. And when I woke up, it was two weeks later…and the twins were gone and everything went to hell afterwards.” 

Louis finishes his story, the process of having to relive and pinpoint the exact moment his life fell into shambles taking the strength out of him so much so that Louis has his whole weight leaning against the street lamp, his legs trembling.

Louis startles when he feels Harry untangles his arms from around the street lamp and pulls him to his body for comfort as much as the pram between them allows. Slowly, with his head resting on Harry’s chest and Harry’s right hand resting on the nape of his neck, Louis relaxes into the embrace and allows Harry to comfort him.

“I’m sorry.” Harry says after a couple of minutes of silence. “I wish that I had fought harder to come and see you to get your side of the story, and not have listened to Nick when he advised me that it wouldn’t be a good idea.”

Louis looks up at Harry, still in his arms, surprised at his words and the sincerity behind them. “You believe me?”

Harry releases a heavy breath through his mouth and nods. “Remember when I said I knew you were falling in love with me by the look in your eyes?”

Louis stiffens at the cruel and painful memory. “Yes.” He answers softly.

“That’s how I know now that you’re telling the truth. You’ve always had expressive eyes.” Harry says, looking and getting lost into Louis’ said deep pools, unconscious of the hand that was resting on Louis’ neck moving to cup Louis’s cheek.

“I think Nick knew then what I know now in this moment that if I came to see you and listened to your version of what really happened that day, listened to the truth and see it in your eyes that I would’ve believed you. That’s why he was insistent on me not coming to see you after the twins were born. After your attorney contacted me and told me that you were awake.”

Louis gasps softly. “You wanted to come and see me?”

Harry nods. “As angry as I was at you, having thought and believed that you were careless enough to put our children in danger by starting a fight with your cellmate. I still wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt or at least a chance to explain why you would be so stupid as to start a fight in your condition.

“But I made the mistake of seeking my attorney’s counsel on the matter. I was just so overwhelmed still by it all, all the emotions of nearly losing the twins and suddenly being a new dad to these fragile tiny human beings that came to world to early and I blamed you for it. And Nick,” Harry laughs humourless. “Nick knew.”

Harry steps away from Louis and takes a deep breath to ebb away the flash of anger that’s gnawing at his insides at the realisation of what a fool he was and has been. 

“Nick knew that I was going through so much turmoil and he played on every one of my emotions. My fears my anxiety and the most dominate emotion, my anger. He played on it and convinced me not to come and see you, convinced me that fighting for sole custody was for the best, that the court would have no choice but to grant it once he presented the evidence that you were a danger to our children.

“But I can’t blame it all on him though, I was the idiot that believed him, that listened to him.  
I’m as much to blame for your suffering as he is and Louis I am so sorry.”

Louis stands there looking at Harry, hands limply at his side and slack mouthed. He’s so confused about what Harry is saying to him. “Harry, what’s going on?”

Harry wipes away the angry tears with his arm carelessly and looks Louis dead in the eye, because that is the least he owes him, the honour of looking him in the eye as he tells him the truth. 

“I found out just a week ago that Nick lied to me about your involvement in the fight. He was angry you see and he let slip and revealed what really happened on that day. And I’ve been sitting on this information for about a week now, trying to figure out where to from here, trying to foresee the changes this is going to bring.”

“Changes?” Louis says shakily, his stomach fluttering with tiny hope.

Harry nods. “Yes. I’m meeting with my new attorney tomorrow at my house, and I would love for you to be there, with your own attorney, because we have a lot to discuss.  
One of those things being…shared custody of the kids.”

Louis’ legs give out and he slides down the street lamp with a sob. “Oh my god.” Louis cries out, not believing his ears. “Please tell me this is not some kind of sick joke. Tell me, tell me you’re not just saying that.” Louis pleads, hand clutching his sweater over his heart that threatening to beat out of his chest. 

Harry shakes his head. “It’s not a joke, this is real this is happening.”

Louis gasps for breath hearing the words but not believing them, at least not yet. “I’m going to get my children back?”

Harry nods looking down at Louis’ wide eyes. “Yes, Lou. You’re going to get your kids back.”


	11. chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi,
> 
> it's about that time again, AN UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I have enjoyed your support and lovely comments. 
> 
> you know the drill, keep up with the comments. feel free to give your opinions and I will see you lovely lot next update.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

 

Louis surprisingly slept like the dead. He didn’t think he would, especially knowing what tomorrow brings, but he slept through the night.  
And now he stands anxiously in the kitchen with a cup of tea in his hands, stomach in knots, staring at the watch wondering how early is too early to go to Harry’s and get the show on the road.

“Lou?”

Louis jumps at the sound of Zayn’s voice interrupting the rhythm of the kitchen appliances he’s been lost in while staring at the clock on the wall. Louis looks to Zayn who is standing at the kitchen doorway with major bed hair and rumpled PJ’s.

“You okay?”

Louis nods and points to the clock that reads 08h20. “Just waiting.”

Zayn looks to the clock and back at Louis who has gone back to staring at it. “What time are you supposed to be at Harry’s?”

“He said around nine. I don’t know if he meant nine o clock on the dot, a little past nine, to nine, nine going to ten.” Louis sighs. “I don’t know what time I should get going.”

Zayn walks into the room and pulls out the chair next to Louis and basically joins Louis in watching time go by. “I think it would be a safe bet if you arrived either at nine or a little after.”

“Yeah?” Louis asks his friend.

“Yeah, both your attorney’s will be there right, isn’t their time literally money or something like that?” 

Louis nods getting his friend’s logic. “Yeah, you’re right.” 

He moves the mug in his hands to his lips and takes a sip of his now warm tea before grimacing, Zayn laughs at his friend who playfully glares at him. “What, one thing worse than cold tea is warm tea.” Louis says defensively getting up and disposing of the tea in the sink.

Zayn gets up and walks to the fridge in search of some food. “Have you eaten yet?”

Louis shakes his head vehemently. “I can’t stomach food right now, my stomach is in knots I feel like I going to throw up every five minutes.”

Zayn nods, grabbing the milk out the fridge for cereal, giving up the idea of making a big celebratory breakfast for what Zayn deems as good news, Louis getting his children back despite the fact that until the appropriate legal documents are signed it is not a done deal.

“I can’t go,” Louis exclaims suddenly, startling Zayn from his task of adding milk to his bowl of cereal.

“What?” 

“I can’t go to the meeting. I just remembered I set up an appointment with one of the last two therapists on the list today for ten o clock and I don’t know how long this meeting is going to take and…”

Zayn moves away from the breakfast bar and immediately to Louis placing both his hands on Louis’ shoulders and shaking him slightly to snap him out of his panicked rambling. “Louis, deep breathes.”

Louis does at his told, closing his eyes and taking deep breathes, in through his nose and out through his nose and repeat. 

“There you go,” Zayn encourages. “Just keeping breathing, yeah. It’s just nerves talking right now, you’re so close to getting what you’ve been dreaming about and right now you’re just getting cold feet.”

Louis sighs and leans forward and rests his head underneath Zayn’s chin and wraps his arms around Zayn’s waist. “What if this is all just too good to be true, what if I show up at his house and he has changed his mind?”

Zayn wraps his arms around his best friend and squeezes tightly. “You’re psyching yourself out Lou, don’t do that. Just…think positive thoughts and hope for the best. As for the therapist, it’s nothing a phone call and a rescheduling can’t fix.”

Louis groans, feeling silly for his little fit. “You’re right, positive thoughts.”

****

“…now what you both need to understand is that there are two forms of custody. Legal custody which entails that Louis will be involved in the decision making process of the twin’s lives, i.e. their schooling, health issues, religion, basically any decision that will affect the twin’s development from here on out until they are adults.” Louis’ attorney explains, looking both parents in the eye waiting for them to nod in confirmation that they understand. 

They do and so he continues.

“Then we have the second form of custody, the Physical custody. Where Louis will be allowed to spend time with the children and be able to take care of them, physical needs wise, but he will have little to no say at all to what he thinks should happen in the children’s lives.”

Louis swallows, considering both options, the give and take of them. Both sound equally good and just as equally bad. He would love to have some say in what he thinks is best for his children, but then again that would mean he wouldn’t really get to spend any physical time with his twins. 

All he’d get out of the Legal custody is a phone call from Harry or even a face-to face meeting with Harry at a coffee house somewhere far away from the children where Harry will say something like: “I’m thinking of enrolling Alana and Ezra into different posh boding schools or something so they can learn to be independent.”

And they would spend that phone call or meeting at a coffee house going back and forth because Louis will definitely not agree with that. “They’re twins for fuck sake.” Louis would argue. “They aren’t meant to be separated. If they were then they wouldn’t have been brought into this world together.”

And that issue would probably take days to resolve, but Louis would stand his ground, because they are his twins too, and the court says he has a right to be their voice until they’re old enough to understand and brave enough to speak for themselves.

But then again the Physical custody tastes even sweeter to him, and why wouldn’t it?  
How could he choose anything else other than to be given the chance to spend actual physical time with Alana and Ezra? To be able to hold them and nurture them. Play with them, read to them and sing them to sleep. Catch up and make up on time lost with them

And even though he knows he would hate having to watch them put on two different hypothetical school uniforms and go to their two different hypothetical posh boding schools, he would endure. He would learn to swallow that hate. Because being able to hold his kids and see them beats out being able to forbid Harry from putting them in separate schools.

Both options are bittersweet, it’s just a matter of distinguishing which is which. But Louis has always had more of a sweet tooth anyway. So he supposes Physical custody it is.

Louis looks to Harry to see if he can read on his face which option he will choose, because let’s be honest Harry holds all the cards here and he can choose to play whichever one he wants.

Louis is startled to find Harry’s eyes already on him, and something tells Louis they have been on him for a while now. Studying him the entire time, Louis, was lost in his head. Basically doing what Louis was about to do to him.   
Louis’ eyes drop down to the table and he chews the inside of his cheek waiting with bated breath to hear Harry’s decision.

“And what’s our third option?” Harry asks and Louis’ eyes shoot back up to his him.  
Third option? As in there is a mysterious door number three and can they open it and see what’s behind it?

“Your third option,” Harry’s attorney starts, causing Louis to shift his eyes off of Harry to him. “Is both of you will share physical and legal custody, meaning you’ll both have a say in the children’s lives and get to have a physical relationship with them. That of course will require a schedule that will allow the children to spend an equal amount of time with the both of you.”

“That is not our field of expertise, but we will happily refer you to a mutual contact of ours in family law, that will help you come up with a schedule arrangement to your liking should you choose to go with either the Physical custody arrangement or the joint Physical and Legal arrangement, either or both options will require a schedule.” Louis’ attorney adds on.

“And is it a must to follow the schedule to the T, for an example if on the schedule it says, Monday and Tuesday the twins are with me, but something comes up, an emergency I have to attend to, can I drop the children over to Louis’, obviously if he’s okay with it, and give him my time while I attend to this emergency however long it takes?” Harry asks.

“Yes you can, if Louis agrees to it. The schedule, yes is going to be court approved, but it is not set in stone. The schedule will just be guideline for you to help you cope and it can be as flexible as you both want it be, but, it’s advised that for the first few months or so, you stick to it, no compromises. 

“Both of you will need to learn and get accustomed to spending time with the children separately, not only you but the children as well. It’s going to be confusing at first for them, they won’t understand why they have two homes or why they have to spend a certain amount of time with daddy and another with papa, why can’t we spend time with the both of them at the same time.” Louis’ attorney answers.

Louis bites down on his lip to keep the choked sob in at the sudden reality of the situation. He looks to Harry and sees him swallowing rapidly and the hand on the table shaking, his thoughts on the same path Louis’ own are on.

Sensing the tension his words has caused, Louis’ attorney tries to remedy the situation as best as it can be remedied. “I’m not going to lie to you, this is going to be an emotional and dizzying roller coaster ride for everyone involved, but eventually, hopefully, once the ride has ended and you have to get off, you will find your footing…find your balance. You might stumble along the way and trip and fall, but you’ll find your way eventually.”

Neither Louis nor Harry says anything to that and both attorney’s exchange a look before nodding in agreement.

“Maybe it is best if we took a ten minute breather, to let you process the information we’ve given you so far?” 

Harry pushes back his chair as soon as the words are out and excuses himself from the room before taking long-legged strides up the stairs.

“I’ll take that as a yes then.” Harry’s attorney says, getting up. “I’m going to the kitchen to see if I can’t persuade someone to make me coffee, would any of you like anything?”

Louis shakes his head no politely.

“I’ll join you.” Louis’ attorney says, both attorney’s leave the room.

A couple of minutes pass of Louis asking himself what now, he goes upstairs in search for Harry in hopes that he has the answer.

He searches the whole of upstairs, calling out to Harry softly. He stops outside of the main bedroom door, which is ajar. He knocks lightly and no one answers. “I’m coming in.” he warns, then enters the room.

 

A wave of nostalgia hits him when he sees the same familiar grey walls and four poster bed.  
He walks over to the bed and runs his fingers gingerly against the pulled back lace drapes and remembering his first failed attempt at trying to seduce Harry right here on the bed, by putting on Harry’s white button down shirt barely buttoning it up to show off his naked body underneath the shirt.

He had lay down on the crisp white sheets on his stomach, legs up in the air swinging back and forth, back arched and his bum half covered by the shirt facing the door, on display, for when Harry walked in to be the first thing he saw.

He hadn’t known he was gay then. Sleeping with men, his marks, was just part and parcel of his occupation. He hadn’t given much thought into questioning his sexuality, I mean sure he enjoyed the sex much more than he thought he would enjoy sex with other men and on those rare occasions when his sexual partners weren’t being selfish pricks in bed he would get off on it, but he never once thought: “You know what, I might just be gay or at least bisexual.”

He thought the only reason he came was because of biological reason, stimulation. And the fact that he wasn’t in anyway attracted to his ex-husbands physically or sexually had Louis convinced that he was as straight as an arrow.

Until he met Harry.

Oh, Louis experienced a lot with Harry: True love however one sided it was. Enjoyable and multiple sex experiences. Heart break and realising his sexuality.  
All of that happened in this house, in this room…on that very bed. And as much as he would love to take it all back, he also knows deep down that he doesn’t want to.

The sound of someone blowing their nose startles Louis from his thoughts. He looks to the source of the sound, the bathroom. Sniffling follows the sound and Louis’ feet find themselves walking him to the slightly open door.

He peeps inside through the opening and finds Harry all long limbed and awkwardly pretzeled inside the bathtub, his eyes closed and head resting on his knee. Louis wonders how he even got himself in that position in the first place seeing that his limbs are too long for the confined space of the tub. 

“Harry?” Louis speaks his name quietly.

Harry’s eyes snap open and his head turns sharply in Louis’ direction. Wide wet red rimmed eyes stare owlishly at Louis and Louis stares back. Both not sure how to proceed from here.  
“Am I needed back downstairs?” Harry asks, his voice raw.

Louis shakes his head and steps tentatively into the bathroom. “No, I—I came looking for you.”

“Oh.” Harry says, wiping his nose with the crumpled up Kleenex in his hand.

Louis sits on the edge of the bath staring at the wall in front of him. Harry continues sniffling in the bath behind him, both not saying a word to each other.

“You know what song keeps playing in my head right now?” Harry asks eventually after some time passed.

Louis turns his body slightly to look at him and shakes his head in reply.

“Family portrait.”

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t think I know it.”

“No?” Harry asks and Louis confirms by shaking his head.

“It goes a little something like this.” Harry clears his throat and starts singing.

“Momma please stop cryin, I can’t stand the sound  
Your pain is painful and it’s tearing me down  
I hear glasses breaking as I sit up in my bed  
I told dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you said.

You fight about money, about me and my brother  
And this I come home to, this is my shelter  
It ain’t easy growing up in world war three   
Never knowing what love could be, you’ll see  
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family”

Louis cuts in with a frown in between his brows as the familiar tune and words piece together in his mind.

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?  
I promise I’ll be better, mommy I’ll do anything  
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?  
I promise I’ll be better, daddy please don’t leave.

Harry smiles sadly at Louis. “So you know it then.”

Louis nods unsurely. “I think I remember listening to it at some point in my teen years, but I’ve forgotten about it.”

Harry nods and goes to wipe his nose again. “The part that really just keeps playing on repeat in my head is when she says: “I don’t wanna have to split the holidays. I don’t want two addresses. I don’t want a step-brother anyway. And I don’t want my mom to have to change her last name.”

Harry chuckles humourlessly as he reaches a fresh Kleenex from the box to wipe away at his fresh tears. “It sort of fits doesn’t it? The song to this situation we find ourselves in?  
That is going to be Alana and Ezra’s lives once we have joint custody. Split holidays. Two addresses and not knowing which one to call home.”

Louis swallows hard against the lump in his throat. “Yeah…I guess it does.”

“Is this how you imagined it would be, having kids? Or did you imagine it like I did; happily married?”

Louis looks down at Harry, chewing on his bottom lip in deliberation before answering. “I never actually put that much thought in having children, least of all the ones I gave birth to. I couldn’t afford the luxury of imagining. Not when I knew how real and vicious the monsters underneath the beds and demons in the shadows and the things that go bump in the night are.  
I didn’t want my children to go through what I went through. So I didn’t imagine…I couldn’t inflict that kind of pain to my child, not even the one in my head.” 

 

****

Harry and Louis soon went back downstairs to proceed with the meeting with their attorneys.   
Harry agreed to have 50/50 custody with Louis a.k.a joint custody. Both parties ironed out their terms as their attorney’s took notes. Their attorney’s also gave them the referral they promised them to their family law contact, that will help them adjust to the changes that will inevitably come with co-parenting the children from two different households.

“…as soon as I get to the office, I’ll immediately get started on the documents you two need to sign to make the joint custody official. Once you two sign on the dotted line and the documents are sent to and approved by the court, you two will be co-parents.” Louis’ attorney says to the both of them.

Harry and Louis nod, and a smile breaks out on Louis’ face because this is it, he’s going to get his children back.

“Now on another matter we need to discuss.” Harry’s attorney says, looking to Harry for the okay before continuing on. “Mr Grimshaw will be receiving Harry’s letter of termination today, along with the news that Harry will be suing for malpractice.”

“You’re suing him?” Louis asks, all kinds of shocked.

Harry nods his head in confirmation. “I can’t let him get away with what he did. Who knows how many clients he’s done this to, will do this to…who knows how many people other than his clients have suffered the consequences of his actions.”  
You’re one of them. You suffered the consequences of his actions is left unsaid but is clearly implied

Louis shouldn’t be as surprised as he is by Harry suing Nick as he is. After all Louis himself has felt the weight of Harry’s moral compass that always points north.

Louis got sent to jail because Harry didn’t approve of Louis cheating people out of their money and went out of his way to make sure that not only Louis paid the money back, but also felt what it was like to have his heart played. It wasn’t a great feeling, Louis knows that now. So lesson learned.

And now he guesses it is Nick’s turn. Only difference being Harry isn’t going to beat him at his own game like he did Louis, no, Harry is going to beat Nick with the very thing he is supposed to represent, the law.

“What does this have to do with us?” Louis asks, gesturing between him and his attorney because he senses there is more to what he is being told.

“Well, seeing as Mr Grimshaw presented Harry with false evidence against you to convince him to sue for sole custody like Grimshaw wanted him to do in the beginning. We’re thinking that it is not farfetched to believe that Grimshaw may have also represented the same false evidence to the judge that was handling your appeal for early release.”

Louis frowns wondering why they’re bringing his rejected appeal up and what this has to do with Harry going after Nick.

“An appeal which I’ve heard from my sources who keep their ears to the ground, was going to be approved.” Harry’s attorney further elaborates.

“What does that mean?” Louis asks even though he knows what it means he just wants to hear the words being spoken.

“You were going to get an early release, you wouldn’t have had to stay in prison longer than you did.” His attorney is the one to clarify as he scribbles on a sticky note in a red pen the words: look into appeal rejection.

Harry’s attorney picks up where he left off. “You would have gotten an early release if it wasn’t for Grimshaw opposing your appeal and representing false evidence against you that you haven’t changed, haven’t reformed.”

Louis can’t believe his ears. Can’t believe that all of this, all that he went through could have been avoided had Nick Grimshaw not been a factor in his life.

“We’re telling you this because you are well within your rights to sue Nick Grimshaw for emotional distress.” 

Louis’ attorney speaks up addressing Harry’s attorney. “Emotional distress lawsuits are tricky. We would have to prove that Nick giving false information to Harry and the judge was intentional, if he gave false evidence, and that his end goal was to keep Louis locked up. Not only that, Louis, would have to prove that Nick’s actions physically harmed him in some way and that he is still suffering the effects of said harming, even then his chances of winning are slim”

Louis tenses up. No one notices. 

“We’re not saying he has to sue, we just want him to know that the option is there should he want to do anything about it. We’re not forcing him into anything.”

“W—what do you mean by prove that Nick’s actions physically harmed me?” Louis asks.

“He means proving that staying in prison was not beneficial for your health, that it caused you physical harm that manifested itself to emotional harm, and the only way to do that is through your prison medical records. The court would have to look into how many times you ended up in the hospital wing, through no fault of your own. What injuries landed you in the hospital wing? Things like that, they would have to know everything that happened to you in prison and they would have to present it in court as evidence.”

“No!” Louis exclaims startling everyone. “I don’t want…I can’t have…I-I can’t” Louis then stands up and leaves the room.

“Louis,” Harry calls out to him following him out of the room.

“I can’t do it, I’m sorry I can’t.” Louis apologises, reaching the front door and slipping out of it.

“Louis.” Harry takes hold of Louis’ arm and quickly drops it once he sees Louis stop in his stride and tense up at the contact. 

Harry walks around Louis and stops in front of him, facing Louis who I looking down at his feet shaking his head. “Louis.”

“Harry, I can’t. If I go through with the lawsuit and it goes to court, I’m going to be asked to relive everything I went through in prison in detail and…”

“Louis.” Harry interrupts, thinking to hell with it before taking both of Louis’ shoulders and shaking him a little to get him out of his head. It works. “You don’t have to do it, you don’t have to. I’ll go after Nick on my own and I’ll get justice, for both me and you, I promise.” 

 

****

Nick has been sitting in the boardroom for the past fifteen minutes being grilled about losing Mrs Lloyd as a potential client after she called that morning to decline their representation and deciding to go with their rival firm.

To make things worse all the firm’s partners are present for the meeting, including his fellow colleagues.

“So what you have nothing to say for yourself then?” Bates asks. Yes the very same Bates whose name is on the building and company letterhead.  
“What’s there to say, she wasn’t a sure thing and the woman seemed flighty. We’re lucky we don’t have to deal with her and our opposition does.” Nick says with an couldn’t be bothered attitude.

“Flighty or not, she was a client with a lot of money with friends with the same amount of money she could have brought in!” Bates spits out.

Nick balls his hand into a fist underneath the table trying to keep his cool. Steve, Nick’s colleague and friend he had invited to the high tea cowers in his chair in hopes that Bates forgets that he was supposed to help Nick in reeling Mrs Lloyd in. it would be awkward for him if he had to tell Bates why it is Mrs Lloyd decided not to use their firm.

“I understand,” Nick grits out. “But I still stand by what I said, she would have been more trouble than she’s worth, we’re better off.”

Bates shake his head and mutters something under his breath. “You better hope you don’t lose us anymore clients, or else you can kiss that partnership you’ve been so obviously thirsty for goodbye.”

Snickers break out around Nick. Everyone in the office know how desperate he is to make partner and how boastful and self-assured he is that making partner is a sure thing.  
At that moment a knock sound at the glass door and everyone turns to see who is ballsy enough to interrupt a meeting in progress.

“Come in.” Bates thunders out.

A young man walks in with a clipboard in hand and a large yellow envelope under his arm. “Nicholas Grimshaw?” He enquires.

“That’d be me.” Nick says from his seat.

The young man nods and walks to him, he then hands him the clipboard and a pen. “Could you sign there please?”

Nick looks down his nose at the cheap plastic pen, he snorts and takes out his own customised 18 carat gold Swiss pen from his suit pocket and proceeds to sign where he was told to sign. He hands the board back when he is done.

“Thank you.” The young man says with a smile. The smile soon turns into a smirk when he takes the envelope from under his arm and hands it to Nick. “You’ve been served.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It appears that I have been misinformed about how physical custody works. basically the entire explanation I gave in the previous chapter was me more or less describing visitation rights (unsupervised visiting rights no less).  
> I apologise for the misinformation and thank you to, justaguest, for the correction.  
> those of you who are interested in reading the correct information feel free to google it, or go to my comments and read, justaguest' explanation.
> 
> now for my favourite part: THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENTS, KEEP THEM COMING :) :) :)
> 
> ENJOY.

CHAPTER TWELVE

“Sir you need to leave, customers aren’t allowed back here!”

Harry looks up from his paper work to the closed office door, listening to the commotion going on behind it with a frown.

“Oh, I’m a customer now am I?! Get out of my way!” Nick’s voice bellows and echoes through the passage.

Harry sighs and drops the pen in his hand on the paperwork he was reading over. He’d suspected this would happen, Nick coming to confront him about the lawsuit, he’s just surprised that it took him two days to do it.

Harry moves out from behind his desk to the door. “It’s ok, Lex. He can come in.” Harry says to his waiter, who nods and walks down the passage back to the main floor.

“Yes Lex, it’s ok!” Nick mocks, shouting down the passage at the retreating waiter.

Harry gives him an unimpressed look before turning his back to him and walking back into the office and sitting behind his desk. Nick bangs the door shut once he steps inside and throws the legal documents on the desk carelessly. 

“You’re suing me!”

Harry neatly and patiently folds the scattered legal documents and holds them suspended in the air for Nick to take back. “Keep them I already have my own copy.’

Nick’s nose flares in anger and the look he gives Harry is a cross between disbelief, shock and a little hurt. “How could you do this to me? I understand firing me, but taking me to court for malpractice!”

Harry looks at Nick as he stands in front of him, red faced and knuckles white from his fierce grip he has on the visitor’s chair. Harry puts the papers back down on the desk and looks Nick in the eye and says. “You lied to me Nick. You my attorney gave me your client false information, how else did you see this ending once I found out?”

“Not like this that’s for sure.” Nick exclaims throwing his hands in the air. “I got served in front of my bosses Harry. Right after Bates warned me not to lose one more client or else I’m going to kiss the partnership goodbye!”

“Fuck, the partners don’t even know about the lawsuit yet, I’m screwed if it’s made public.” Nick says in a panicked tone as he begins to pace Harry’s office floor.

Harry taps his fingers on the desk, his canines gnawing at his bottom lip in restraint to keep himself from snapping at Nick to stop with the dramatics and ask for whatever it is he came there to ask for. Because in the two years he has been with Nick, he knows how he acts when he wants something, and with the show he is putting on for Harry right now, he definitely wants something.

“Harry you need to stop this madness.” Nick finally says, walking around the desk and turning Harry around his office chair to face him. Taking his hands in his hand. “We had a falling out like most couples do. We argued, I left and gave you the space you needed and now we’re supposed to talk things out, we’re not supposed to be going to court!

“Harry baby, this could ruin me, my reputation my career. Once word gets out that I’m being sued by my ex-client for malpractice, every case I’ve ever worked on will be looked into, some of them maybe even reopened and that’s just going to ruin me.”

“If you have nothing to hide than you have nothing to worry about.” Harry takes his hands out of Nick’s grasp, wheeling backwards a bit to put some space between them. “Unless you do.” He challenges.

Nick is at a loss for words for moment, then his jaw clinches. “Why are you really doing this? It’s not like you suffered from my lies, if anything you benefited from them. I got you your children minus the complementary and unnecessary added baggage of one Louis Tomlinson.”

Harry scoffs. “I’m very aware of how against my decision to share custody with Louis back then you were. You were very vocal about your disproval, you got moody whenever I told you I went to visit Louis to check on him, and to see how his condition was treating him.  
You kept trying to convince me to stick to my original decision to sue for sole custody.

“I should have seen it then, your behaviour, it should have released red flags in my head but it didn’t. I trusted you too much, you were my attorney of course I trusted you. I thought your intentions were good, but I should have known better, the moment you stopped being subtle and started openly flirting with me I should have known!” Harry didn’t realise that he had raised his voice as he spoke, or that he stood until he his face was only a few inches from Nick’s.

“Don’t act like the attraction wasn’t mutual. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you.” Nick says smugly.

“I did,” Harry acknowledges. “But I didn’t realise you were the type who went to lengths to get rid of their competition when they feel threatened. Even though Louis wasn’t in any way competition.”

Nick laughs mockingly, going as far as throwing his head back and wrapping his arms around his stomach at how hard he was fake laughing. “Now you’re just lying to yourself.”

“Excuse me?!” 

“That freak of nature was and will always be competition for anyone fighting for your affection!”  
Harry rolls his eyes and moves away from Nick. “You’re delusional, I don’t have feelings for Louis. I don’t have them now and I didn’t have them then.”

“Yes you did, you had feelings for him. Maybe you didn’t have them when you took him to court to pay for his crimes, but you certainly had them when you came back from seeing him when he asked you to come see him in prison.” Nick argues matter-of-factly. 

“I could see it on your face, something was different something had changed. The fight in you, the fight you have right now in you, this Harry” Nick makes a vague hand gesture. “This one taking me to court, he was gone! The indifference and disdain I could see in you whenever he was brought up was gone. And all it took was one visit.”

Harry doesn’t say anything, because he can’t think of a thing to say and it riles Nick up even more, the fact that he is not even going to try and deny it now that Nick has pointed it out. It riles him up because when he thinks about the feelings he thought Harry had for him, and how easily Harry can just sweep them under the rug like they’re not there and never existed, it drives him up the wall.

“What was it, what was the straw that broke you? Was it seeing his swollen belly and the reality of it all hitting you? Was it those baby blues and the crocodile tears that fell from them?” Nick steps closer to Harry stopping in front of him invading his personal space. 

“Or maybe I’m wrong, it wasn’t that one visit that did it. Maybe it was the many visits that followed, you two bonding about your children and the future.  
Tell me Harry was is it about Louis Tomlinson that makes him so god damn special.”

When Harry doesn’t say anything still, Nick takes that as his opportunity to plant one on him. He grabs Harry by the back of his neck and smashes (AN: that description sounds so painful: “smashes”) his lips with Harry’s, his other hand tangling itself in Harry’s hair and pulling at it, knowing it’s a sure turn on for Harry.

Nick smirks victoriously into the kiss when Harry’s hands slowly work their way up his arms as Nick continues with his one sided kiss. A gasp is soon draw out of him when Harry grabs his upper arms in a tight grip and pulls him away from him roughly.  
Harry looks Nick dead in the eye when he says what he says next. “We’re done. Don’t ever come here to the restaurant again, don’t ever come by the house either. The only time you and I will see one another will be when my new attorney is present. Until then stay away from me and definitely stay away from Louis.”

Harry releases his hold on Nick one finger after the other before walking around him and picking up the legal documents on his desk and shoves them on Nick’s chest who reflexively hold them to his body so that they don’t fall to the floor. 

“Get out.” Harry demands going back behind his desk and resuming with what he had been busy with before Nick showed up.

 

****

Louis feels like he has dropped a lung from running up the seven flights of stairs he had to climb to get to the doctor’s office. He would have used the elevator, but he figures why willingly walk into a steel trap where people have no sense of personal space or respect for it.

So yeah, he chose to use the stairs instead, despite the fact that he knows he slept through his alarm and has probably missed his appointment, and it would probably would have been faster to use the elevator than to take the stairs but hey, the poor guy should get an A for effort for even trying to get to his appointment even if there’s just two minutes left to it.

He stumbles into the seventh floor through the door leading to the stairs. He’s sweaty and panting and probably looks crazed judging by the weird look the receptionist is giving him.  
Louis straightens himself out as best as he can by running his fingers through his hair that he barely ran a comb though in his hurry and runs his hands down his shirt for extra measure.

He minces his way to the reception desk and smiles meekly at the receptionist who’s still looking at him oddly with her red and perfectly manicured fingers hovering above her keyboard.

“Hi um, Louis Tomlinson for Dr Collins.” He says, his voice pitchy and scratchy in some parts as he speaks whilst still trying to catch his breath.

The receptionist types in his name and look back up at Louis blankly. “Your appointment was supposed to start an hour ago. You missed it and Dr Collins has stepped out for lunch.”

Louis curses under his breath. “I know, I slept through my alarm, I swear I tried to get here as fast as I could.” Louis explains.

The receptionist hums and types into her keyboard before addressing Louis. “Would you like to reschedule for another day?”

Louis bites his lip as he bounces on the heels of his feet. “Isn’t there anyway I can see him today, it’s very important.”

“He is booked for the day.”

Louis sighs resigned. “When is he available tomorrow?” 

The receptionist looks down at the screen. “He is free between three and five pm.”

 

****

Louis walks out of the building dragging his feet, feeling defeated for having missed his appointment, this being the second time now, the first being three days ago when he had the meeting with Harry and their lawyers and he had to cancel and now because he overslept. He can’t help but beat himself down. How is he supposed to get better for his children, how is he supposed to fix himself when he can’t even make it to a damn appointment.

“Watch out!” 

Someone shouts out in warning and Louis looks up from his feet and freezes when he sees a man on his bicycle coming fast towards him at an alarming speed. The person hits the brakes, the tyres screeching to a halt two inches from Louis.

“Phew, that was close.” The cyclist says, smiling apologetically to Louis. “Sorry, the brakes are faulty, they always seem to kick in in the last minute. I’ve been meaning to fix them but I can’t seem to make the time.”

Louis nods mutely, microscopically to the odd man who is still mounted on the bicycle, an old fashion basket bicycle no less. The man slaps his forehead with his hand in a: “I’m such and idiot” manner, he then stretches out his hands to Louis to shake. 

“Sorry, I’m being rude, I’m Dr Collins.”

Louis’ eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, his eyes not quiet believing the man before him is a therapist. 

The man before him has dark cropped hair, which is about the only thing about him that is not dishevelled. As for the rest of him though…he is wearing a brown suit pants with matching jacket and underneath a collared shirt (untucked, of course), which comes off as a white shirt but if you look closely you see a hint of pink, and apparently the white pink shirt wasn’t enough of a fashion crime, but he matched and finishes of the entire ensemble with a hot pink tie, because apparently, why not.

The man in assessment narrows his eyes at Louis and assess him back, noting Louis’ equally dishevelled appearance, and the fact that his arms haven’t unwrapped around his stomach to offer his hand in greeting. He also notes how Louis’ shoulders hunch in on him and the fact that he’s has averted his eyes since he picked up on the fact that Dr Collin’s is more or less measuring him up.

“Huh, interesting.” Dr Collin’s mumbles to himself.

“Excuse me?” Louis asks.

Dr Collin’s finally dismounts from the bicycle and walks a few feet to his parking sport where his car is parked and lifts his bike and places it on the bike rack of his car and then proceeds to chain it to the spare wheel at the back of the car. Louis watching him do this from his spot he hasn’t moved from.

“It’s the only way I can fit a work out in.” Dr Collins explains, pointing to both forms of transportation. “I use the car to get to and from work, and the bicycle to ride around the block when I have a long enough opening between patients.” He explains further.

Louis once again nods mutely, microscopically at the man’s explanation.

“Not forgetting, I also use it to get lunch at the diner down the road.” Dr Collins takes a brown takeaway paper bag from the basket of the bicycle and smiles at Louis while waving the paper bag. “Usually I eat at the diner, but it was packed today so I had to settle for takeaway. No matter, I’m sure the food will still taste the same regardless of where I eat it.” 

Dr Collins then turns away from Louis proceeds to walk away from him, only when he’s about to cross the road to head to the park bench across the street does he look over his shoulder at Louis and waves him over. “Well come on then.”

Without waiting to see if Louis follows him, Dr Collins, crosses the street and after a moment of hesitation Louis does the same and sits a few feet away from the Dr on the park bench and the Collins takes note that his posture is closed off still, that hasn’t changed from when he was standing.

Instead of calling Louis out on it and wanting to get a better read on Louis than his lack of words is giving, Dr Collins sets the paper bag aside and copies Louis’ posture. The lessons he learned on how to move someone from a closed body language to an open one kicking in.

“So, I will be honest with you I feel a bit at a disadvantage. I’ve revealed about four things about myself to you and I don’t even know your name.” Collins says to Louis. 

Louis feels a little embarrassed at realising that, yes, he hasn’t properly introduced himself to the man he’s supposed to share his deepest and darkest secrets and feeling with, that’s if this impromptu consultation/session convinces Louis that out of all the other therapists on his list, this one is the one who stands out from the rest, this one is the one Louis feels comfortable enough to trust even just a little.

“My na…” Louis’ voice cracks, he clears his throat, cheeks flushed pink. “My name is Louis Tomlinson. I—we had an appointment today, but I missed it.”

Recognition flashes through Collins face and he smiles at Louis with genuine excitement. “Yes, you’re my eleven o clock. Right after my ten o clock and before my…” He taps the paper bag with index finger and winks playfully a Louis. “twelve o clock.”

It’s a poor attempt at a joke to help loosen Louis up and he knows it but it earns him a small smile from Louis at least so he counts it as a win.

“So what happened why couldn’t you make the appointment?”

“I overslept.” Louis says sheepishly, almost embarrassed, because he figures most of Dr Collin’s patients probably have had better excuses for missing appointments like: feeling suicidal or not feeling like facing the world. Something way better than sleeping through their alarm.

“That’s alright, it happens to the best of us, even to some of my patients.” Collins reassures.

Louis looks at him with a raised questioning brow. “Really?”

Collins nods. “More often than you think.” He then relaxes his shoulders from their tense hunched in posture and leans back on the bench.

“You’re not just saying that so I can stop feeling like an idiot?” Louis asks, unknowingly relaxing his shoulders as well, but not leaning back as yet.

“I’m telling you the truth.” Collins states and Louis accepts it.  
“Do you mind telling me what happened the other day, why did you have to cancel our first appointment?”

Louis looks across the road at the building housing Dr Collins office and he wonders which would be easier talking to him in there or out here. Should he even talk at all?  
So far during his short meetings with the other candidates on his shortlist; he hadn’t once shared a single word of his story, of why he needs a therapist who specialises in trauma.

No matter how many times they asked or insisted that it is absolutely necessary that he gives them something, throw them a bone so to speak, to work with.  
And it is because of their insistence that Louis chose not to settle for any of them and continue on with his search.

Louis is not really sure what he’s looking for exactly in a therapist, I mean they’re all the same at the end of the day aren’t they, they all serve the same purpose.  
Only problem, Louis wants someone who is not like the others, someone who stands out to him from the rest.

He wants someone who can get him out of his head, get him to talk freely without Louis even realising he is doing it. He wants someone…untraditional. And he supposes, hopes really, that Dr Collins is as close enough to that as he can get. What with his oddness, he should do just fine.

“I was r-raped when I was young by stepfather…then again just a couple of years ago in prison, multiple times by multiple men.”

There he’s done it, he’s ripped of the Band-Aid before he could second guess himself. He looks over to Dr Collins who reacts quickly to school his expression to a neutral one, not fast enough for Louis to miss the pity that was there.

Dr Collins clears his throat, his fingers twitching with the want of getting a pen between them and start taking notes, but he can’t, his notepads are in his office along with his recorder, but something tells him that Louis would not appreciate having him take notes while he’s opening up to him, if anything, he would probably clam up and give little to no useful information. 

“Have you spoken to anyone about this before? Sought out some sort of counselling?”

Louis nods, his eyes trained on his finger that is currently playing with the button on the sleeve of his shirt. “I went to a trauma centre in New York, it helped a little. I wasn’t struggling as much with all these overwhelming feelings and…other stuff there as I am here in London. I think maybe it’s because this is where it all started, my problems, this is where they’re rooted.”

Dr Collins nods, appreciating the fact that Louis is aware of where his problems are rooted, unlike most patients. “What are your problems, Louis? From your point of view.”

Louis chances Dr Collins a glance, then looks away remaining silent.

“There’s no such thing as a wrong or stupid answer in situations like these Louis.”

After a couple of minutes pass, Louis answers. “I’m broken, that’s my problem. I’m broken.”

****

“Zayn?” Louis calls out as he enters the house.

“I’m in the guest room.” Zayn calls out from upstairs.

Louis locks the door behind him and walks through the house headed for the guest room aka Zayn’s room. Louis wrinkles his nose in distaste when he gets to the top of the stairs and enters the passage leading to the rooms. “Zayn why does the passage smell like bleach?”

Louis enter Zayn’s room and freezes at the doorway. Zayn smiles at him sheepishly and waves a black covered rubber gloved hand at Louis, his other hand, also covered in a black rubber gloves holding an orange in place so it does not roll of the desk. But for Louis that wasn’t the most bazaar thing for Louis; the multi-coloured jars of ink and tattoo gun beside the orange amongst other things that all added up to one conclusion to Louis.

“You have a tattoo kit?”  
“It would seem, although this one is way cooler than the old one I had before I moved to New York.” Zayn says so causally like he’s talking about something Louis is in the know about, but Louis isn’t in the know, he’s so far from being in the know.

“I didn’t know you were a tattoo artist.” Louis says, trying not to sound too accusing or hurt; even though he is a little because, well, Louis tells Zayn everything, has told Zayn everything about himself and lo and behold Zayn has kept something from him. 

“I am…or was practicing to be one. I did an apprenticeship and everything, I even got my licence but things went to shit before I got to put it to good use.”

Louis moves from the doorway and walks to the bed, he sits on the edge of it and gives Zayn a look silently asking him to go on.

Zayn leans back on his chair, letting go of the orange hand hovering over it for a second to make sure it doesn’t roll over, it doesn’t. He shifts his attention to Louis and starts.

“You already know how it all began. What my mother did to me and my father leaving her. My father and I moving into a new house and my mother persistently showing up unannounced in hopes of getting me alone which resulted in me spending less time at home and more time hanging with the wrong sort of crowd.” Zayn pauses, looking to Louis, silently asking if he remembers, Louis nods and Zayn continues.

“Well, there was this girl in the group, Rebecca, she had a lot of tattoos and piercings and they fascinated me, the tattoos. She told me one day when she caught me staring at them that her boyfriend, Tony, was the one who tattooed her and that most of them were his own designs.

“I was insanely into art back then as I am now and I couldn’t imagine doing any kind of job that did not involve art, my father though didn’t think there was much money or financial stability in it and said it was a waste of time, and I shouldn’t expect him to waste his money on fees that involved anything in art.” Zayn smiles sadly.

“Anyway, when Rebecca told me that I could still do art and have a job without needing my father’s financial backing, I jumped at the chance. I asked her to introduce me to her boyfriend and she did. I asked him how he came to be a tattoo artist, he told me and I supposed I was obvious in my interest in becoming one and Tony noticed, but I was too young, sixteen going on seventeen and the legal age to get a licence is eighteen.

“Tony saw how bummed I was about that fact when he mentioned it, so he said he would take me under his wing and teach me the trade under one condition: I become his apprentice, and when I turned eighteen I could apply for the licence. I agreed, obviously.

I did the apprenticeship for four months then my dad told me that he got a job offer and we’re moving to London.” Zayn shrugs. “I wanted to stay and continue with my apprenticeship but what could I do? I couldn’t stay in Bradford not unless I wanted to go back living with my mother and there was absolutely no way in hell I would go back living with that woman, I would’ve rather lived on the streets and starve to death than go back living with her.

“I told Tony the news, told him I couldn’t continue the apprenticeship. Once again he could see how much upset I was about it, so he told me that he had friends in London who are tattoo artists and owned tattoo shops and he would make a call and ask that one of them allow me to continue my apprenticeship with them. They all agreed but I chose the one that was closest to where I would come to call my short lived second home.

“A few months after moving to London, dad met Mel, short for Melanie. They dated for a year or so, he asked her to move in then later asked her to marry him, she said yes to both and as soon as she moved in that’s when it began, the subtle flirting, and accidental touches and them more. I started staying at the tattoo parlour later than I usually did and went in earlier just so I could avoid being home.”

Zayn takes a breather, eyes casting themselves down in the occasional shame he feels when he blames himself for what his mother and father’s fiancé did. Blaming himself for—well being born the way he is, dark and mysterious and the trait he hates most about himself, good looking.

 

“It worked for a while, until it didn’t.” Zayn continues. “I turned eighteen, I got my licence and I only got to use it for a couple of months before dad walked in on me and Mel, and you know how the rest of the story goes.”

Louis nods at a loss for words, and truly feeling like crap for making Zayn retell his story when he knows it pains him. Louis clears his throat ad nods to the equipment on the table. “Why—what inspired all of this, why now?”

“You did,” Zayn says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re getting your life back together, and it got me thinking that I need to do the same. It’s just time, you know. I’m going to check if my licence needs renewing, then I’m going to start looking into getting a job. Finally get my shit together.”

Louis nods in understanding. “Speaking of getting your shit together, do you maybe think you also need therapy…like me I mean, because I don’t mind paying for it if you do?”

Zayn smiles at Louis. “I’m okay, Lou. You’ve already given me so much, your friendship and a roof over my head in New York and now here. You don’t need to do this one thing, I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re no such thing, you could never be a burden even if you wanted to. I know how things went down with your old man plays some part in you feeling like this, but Zayn, anyone who looks at you and sees a burden is an idiot and doesn’t deserve you. To me you are too much and at the same time never enough. You’re family, it’s as simple as that.”

“Well fuck,” Zayn chuckles, his eyes glistening tellingly.

Zayn stretches his arm out silently asking Louis to walk over. Louis obliges, he gets of the bed and walks over to. Zayn doesn’t waste time pulling Louis in by wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head against Louis’ stomach.

“I love you, you know. I don’t know if I’ve ever said it but you should know, I love you.”

Louis’ heart melts, knowing it doesn’t come easy for Zayn to admit his feelings, to or for anyone. “I love you too.”


	13. Chapter13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early Christmas present. xoxo

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Two months later.

“Louis is that you?” Zayn calls out from the kitchen, when Louis doesn’t answer he walks out to the living room to find the bicycle Louis took to his therapy session lying on its side on the floor near the door, and Louis sitting on the couch with his head cradled in his hands.

“Lou?”

“I thought you’d be at work.” Louis says, lifting his head from hands.

Zayn waves the sandwich in his hand in the air. “Lunch break. Plus the shop isn’t that busy, mostly people who are there to get piercings and fortunately for me, I don’t have to deal with that.”

“Mm.” Louis rests his head on the couch and throws his arm over his eyes.

Zayn frowns. “How was therapy?”

Louis sighs. “I’m starting to see a pattern. Every time Dr Collins wants me to talk about the really dark stuff, he asks me to bring my bicycle, makes us have our session while riding around in circles.”

“Do you know why?” Zayn joins Louis on the couch.

“I think it’s so that I don’t feel trapped in the office with him. I appreciate the gesture but it still sucks having to talk about it. ”

“Is it helping though?”

Louis raises an eyebrow. “The therapy or the pills?”

“Aren’t they sort of one component at the end of the day?”

Louis shrugs. “I suppose. And yes, it’s helping. The nightmares haven’t stopped mind you, but they are less frequent, so are the flashbacks.”

Zayn takes Louis’ hand and squeezes it. “That’s good, I’m happy for you.”

Louis smiles and leans over, resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

“So, on a scale of one to ten, how nervous are you about tonight?” Zayn asks, concerning the first dinner Louis, Harry and Ezra are supposed to have together as a family since the joint custody was finalised.

“Uh, I think I’ve passed ten and went straight to numb.” Louis jokes. “I don’t know what to expect.”

“So, like explain this whole arrangement to me, how is it going to work? Will you be having dinners with them or…”

“It’s not just dinner it could be any meal or activity…or day. The twins are at that age where they don’t remember faces or people they don’t see often. So we’re basically slowly warming Ezra up to me, warming him up to the idea of me being a constant in his life. And when both Harry and I feel like he’s ready for sleepovers, we’ll do that, you know, see how both he and I handle a situation where it’s just the two of us without Harry being there.

“And then eventually, hopefully, if things go according to plan, we can implement the schedule we drew up. Where the kids get to spend three days of the week with me and the three days with Harry and we’ll get to spend a whole day together as a family. ”

Zayn nods his understanding. “And what about Alana, doesn’t she also need to warm up to you?”

“Yeah, of course. Problem is she’s has been asleep the three times I’ve gone to the hospital to see her. I hate that she’s sick and we can’t do this with her, but the doctors are hopeful that everything is going to be fine and she will be released to us soon, and then I’ll get to give her as much attention as Ezra.” 

Zayn shrugs Louis’ head of his shoulder only to give him a one armed hug that the awkward angle allows. “I’m very happy for you Lou.”

“Thank you.”

 

****

Louis walks his way up Harry’s driveway leading to the house. He’d be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t nervous, but he is, his shaking hands proves that. He pulls nervously on the hem of his sweater, his head screaming it’s now or never.

His steps falter when he looks up from his feet to see Harry sitting on the front steps with his phones camera pointed at Ezra, whose bum is in the air facing Louis’ direction, as he tries to stand on his own two feet. Harry waves at Louis then places his index finger to his smiling lips, silently asking for Louis to not make a sound. He waves Louis over to join him on the steps.

Louis walks quietly around Ezra and sits down beside Harry to bear witness to his son’s first step as far as he knows. Ezra does not disappoint.  
He stands up right, wobbling a bit as he finds his balance. He smiles at Harry and Louis victoriously when he does not fall. And cue Louis’ tears.

Ezra raises his foot of the ground and takes one small step, wobbling but does not fall. He then takes another, putting one foot in front of the other like, Harry, taught him to do when he was encouraging his son to walk the many times he had attempted to but fell each time.

“Come on baby you can do it.” Louis whispers, his shaky voice breaking through the moment.

Ezra who had been concentrating on his feet looks up at him, their shared blue eyes connecting. Ezra, who hadn’t decided on a direction, only focusing on getting one foot in front of the other, takes a step towards a smiling Louis. Louis stretches his arms out, ready to catch Ezra should he fall…or hold him should Ezra choose to walk into them.

Ezra manages to take five steps all in all before tripping over his own feet, falling forward into Louis’ waiting arms. Louis scoops him up and stands up. He then proceeds to throw him in the air all the while cooing about how good Ezra did and proud he is of him.  
Ezra obviously loving being launched into the air just laughs.

It is only after he tires out of throwing Ezra in the air and settles back down on the step with Ezra in his arms does he realise that, Harry, had been recording the whole thing.

“Oh god.” Louis groans when he turn to look at Harry and finds the lens of the camera pointed right at him. “Have you been recording this whole time?”

“mmhm” Harry replies, grinning wolfishly.

Louis nods, cheeks painted pink. “Good to know.”

Harry chuckles and puts the phone away, making sure to save the video first. “Those were his first actual steps, just so you know. He’d attempted to walk a hand full of times because Alana had taken her first steps already, and had determinedly tried to learn to walk after. Ezra having witnessed his twin do this, also tried to replicate her.” Harry shares.

“But then Alana got sick, and he sort off gave up. Until now”

“Well, it was a lovely surprise.” Louis confesses softly.

“It was unplanned, unlike the next one I have for you which you’re going to love.”  
Louis’ eyebrows shoot up. “You have a surprise for me?”

“Yes!” Harry beams. “The nurse from the hospital called just fifteen minutes before you got here. Alana is awake.”

Louis gasps. “She is?”

“Yes, refuses to go to sleep apparently. I was thinking that maybe we could all go there and see her, surprise her, and then we can get dinner after.”

“Yes!” Louis says without hesitation. “Yes, let’s do that.”

“Ok then, let’s do it.”

 

****

Harry and Louis walk into Alana’s room, with Ezra on Louis’ hip, after their wash up. A smile taking over Louis’ face at the sight of Alana sitting up in her crib, wide awake and looking at them with wide blue eyes.

“Hey you,” Harry greets his baby girl, his smile as big as Louis’. “How’s my little angel doing today?”

Alana answers back with her undecipherable baby talk that could melt any heart, it certainly melts Louis’. Alana stretches her arms out asking Harry to carry her and he obliges gladly. Making sure not to disturb her NG tube or any other medical equipment attached or taped to his daughter.

“Missed you.” Harry mummers, holding Alana close, the room and all else in it falling away.

Watching the interaction from where he is standing, Louis, can just see the kind of parent Harry has been for the past two years and breathes a sigh of relief knowing that his children were/are in good hands.  
“I want to you meet someone.” 

Harry says to Alana, walking to where Louis is standing with Ezra still settled on his hip. Alana and Ezra immediately reach for each other and it’s so cute that Louis doesn’t mind at all that the introductions, rather reintroductions, are being overshadowed by this moment between his children, because this moment is priceless.

They settle both Ezra and Alana in the crib because the two clearly don’t give a shit about anyone but each other at the moment, so they settle them down and leave the two to their devices while they seat back and observe them.

“Sorry, that their twin bonding stepped on your bonding with Alana.” Harrys says.

Louis shrugs. “It’s okay. This is actually perfect, thank you, you know—for suggesting we come here.”

“You’re welcome.”

Eventually the children get bored with their conversation and start demanding the adult’s attention, as a child naturally does. Harry made sure out of the two kids he reached for Ezra, so Louis and Alana could get better acquainted. But Alana squashed that idea when she cried bloody murder, at being held by a stranger.

So the two parents swapped. Harry apologised numerous times for it and Louis assured him that it was no big deal; that it was okay. But what his words hid his face showed. He was hurt. Harry could see it, the guilt that settled in his stomach made sure he felt it.

On the bright side though, Louis supposes, is that he and Ezra are close and are getting closer the more he sees of him, which Louis is relieved about. He couldn’t take both his children not wanting him. Ezra is quiet, Louis noticed, rarely cries. He’s much more content with sitting and watching what is happening on TV if it’s on, or playing with his toys, crawling about and especially being held. Oh he loved being held, and Louis loves holding him, so really they’re a perfect pair.

 

****

“I’m sorry about Alana.” Harry apologises for what has to be the millionth time. 

“Harry, it’s fine.” Louis reassures him, pushing aside his half-finished pudding cup away. “Dr Miller did say that it wasn’t going to be easy.”

Harry sighs also recalling the words the family therapist they decided to hire or really have on call when things get too much for them to handle on their own. “Still, it can’t have been easy for you.”

Louis doesn’t answer. He leans back on the chair and lets his eyes roam around the fancy hospital cafeteria they find themselves having the family dinner they were supposed to have at Harry’s, just the two of them though. Ezra having already had his dinner (yogurt and chopped bananas) around the same time Alana had her dinner fed to her through her NG tube.

And both children immediately fell asleep soon after. Harry and Louis didn’t have the heart to separate the two, especially since it’s the first time in months that the two have fallen asleep in the same room since Alana had been admitted.

“So, how are things going, with the case I mean?” Louis asks once the silence between them gets too much for him.

Harry who has been taking his time eating his BLT sandwich, pops in the last bite in his mouth. He twiddles his thumbs as he slowly chews his food, cheeks flushing when Louis throws him an amused: “you still wait to finish chewing before speaking, some things never change,” look.

Harry reaches for his tea to wash down his sandwich, he then clears his throat. “We’re going to settle.”

“Oh?”  
“Yes, they have opened and are investigating all his cases and as I understand it, mine isn’t the first case he has mishandled. At the rate this is going, the case might drag on who knows how long in court, and I honestly don’t have the energy for that.” Harry explains.

“And so you’re settling.”

“Yep, my council has sent Nick the amount he feels I am owed, it’s going to make a dent to his bank account, but if Nick is smart, he’ll agree to it. Not like he has much of a choice you know, I’m small fish compared to what’s coming for him.”

“Small fish big bite.” Louis comments, speaking from experience and without filtering his words. He only realises the implication of his words when Harry’s eyes drop to the cup of tea in his hands.

Louis curses under his breathe. “Harry…”

“We should be heading home, it’s getting late.” Harry says, drinking the rest of the tea. “I’ll go get Ezra, I’ll meet you at the car.”

Harry stands up collecting their trash and heads for the bin. Louis hovers, not sure whether his apology would fall on deaf ears or not. He opens his mouth to try anyway but is interrupted.

“Louis?” 

Louis looks towards the source of the voice, his eyes landing on Dr Sharman a couple of feet away from him. Who for once is not in his usual scrubs, but in a pair of dark jeans and white T-shirt both clothing items clinging to his tall athletic form as he stands there…dripping?

“Dr Sharman,” Louis says in greeting, he then frowns. “You’re wet.”

Daniel laughs and shortens the distance between them, coming to stand toe to toe with Louis. “The one day I decided not to bother with my car or an umbrella for work, I get caught in the rain.” Daniel explains, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.  
“It’s raining?” Louis looks around the cafeteria and realises there are no windows to give away the weather outside.

“Yes, it started ten minutes ago or so.” Daniel smiles and fixes Louis with a look that has Louis blushing because of the obvious attraction visible there, attraction that is aimed right at Louis. “So how are you?”

“Uh, I’m good—and yourself?” Louis stutters.

“I’m well. You know I was hoping I would run into you.”

Louis’ eyebrows shoot up. “Oh?”

“Yeah, not like today specifically, because that would be weird, I just meant generally you know, I hoped I’d run into you.” Daniel explains stumbling through his and fumbling his words.

“And why is that?” Louis asks.

Daniel licks his lips nervously. “Well, it’s just that the last time we saw each other I gave you my numbers and um in case it wasn’t painfully obvious, I like you and I was sort of hoping you’d call so we could you know maybe grab coffee or tea if your prefer tea…or maybe go on a date.”

Louis’ mouth falls open, he spies Harry in the corner of his eye hovering by the bin, his eyebrows furrowed. “A date.”

“Yes.” A determined look settles on Daniel’s face. “Louis, I’d like to take you out on a date. And I know you probably have a million and one reason why you can’t, the most important one being Alana, but I’d like for you to give me a chance.”

“I…” Louis bites his bottom lip, thinking on it. “Can I think about it?”

“Sure, only if you promise to call me when you’ve decided.”

Louis nods. “I will.”

“But just to be safe.” Daniel reaches for his back pocket and takes out a pocket business card holder and takes out a business card from it. He then takes out a pen from god knows where and writes his personal number at the back, when he’s done he hands it to Louis.

“I’ll be expecting your call.” Daniel says, and Louis nods dumbly. 

Daniel smiles and walks backwards towards the direction of the elevators, he waves goodbye to Louis then turns on his heels. Louis shakes his head once his mind comes back to him, thinking to himself “that just happened”. He looks to where Harry was standing moments ago only to find the space vacant.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 

“It’s just…” Louis groan, frustrated. “It’s just, I don’t know what to do. Do I acknowledge that Dr Sharman is a good looking man and I’m attracted to him? Yes. And from the encounters I’ve had with him do I acknowledge that he is also a good person? Yes, I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t.”

Dr Collins who is sitting in his armchair, observes Louis as he goes from lying down on the couch facing the ceiling to sitting up fluffing the pillows out. “Then what’s the problem?” 

“The problem is that…I don’t know if I can trust my instincts about him, trust that he is actually a good guy.” Louis shakes his head and sighs. “I’ve been wrong before and I got burned because of it.”

“I’m assuming you’re talking about Harry.” Dr Collins deduces.

Louis lets out another sigh and nods. “I’m not saying Harry is a bad guy, I know he is not a bad guy. What he did to me was him making sure I got my just dessert for my past crimes and he couldn’t have predicted the outcome.

“It’s just, I was so wrong about him you know. I thought I knew who he was, I thought I had a read on him and never in a thousand years could I have guessed that he would…that he could…” Louis chews on his thumb nail, struggling to find the right words.

“That he could?”

“That he could be like me, the old me. That he could be deceitful.”

Dr Collins nods, taking the information in and making notes in his head. “And you fear that Dr Sharman might not be who he portrays himself to be. Or he could be a in your words a, good person, but he might have a side to him that he hides well.”

Louis nods.

Dr Collins leans forward on his chair, resting his elbows on his knees. “Louis, I’m not going to tell you how you should feel, or whether or not you should go on this date or not, that is your choice at the end of the day. 

“What I am going to tell you, is that you are well within your rights to feel the way you do, if I’d gone through what you went through, fear would become second nature for me and I would question everything and everyone. But here’s the thing about fear, it imprisons you and if you give it enough power it will control you. Don’t let it control you, Louis. Don’t let it control you.”

 

****

Louis walks into the coffee shop he and Dr Sharman…Daniel agreed to meet. He runs a nervous hand of his freshly cut hair (see: drag me down video hairstyle) absently, followed by him cursing himself and rushing to the bathroom to make sure he didn’t make a complete mess of his hair.

“I shouldn’t have agreed to this.” He says to himself. Looking nervously at his simple white t-shirt, blue jeans (folded to show off his ankles) and white vans. “I really shouldn’t have agreed to this.”

The bathroom door swings open and in walks, Daniel. Louis’ breathe catches as the two stare at each other via the mirror. It seems like Daniel had the same idea as Louis, getting a haircut wise, and my god is he a sight for sore eyes.

The head of unruly honey curly hair that had Louis thinking Dr Daniel looks like a sheep, a cute maybe sexy sheep, has now been cut short and tamed and has turned Dr Daniel into a freaking marble statue (see: teen wolf season 3 episode 13), that could rival Zayn.

“Wow.”

“Holy shit.”

Both Daniel and Louis say at the same time, followed by their nervous laughter.

“Hey,” Daniel says, closing the distance between them.

Louis turns around and smiles. “Hi.”

“Looks like we both got the same idea. Get here early and freak out in the bathroom.”

“I wasn’t freaking out.” Louis lies.

Daniel gives him a “really” look and Louis averts his eyes and corrects his statement. “I wasn’t freaking out much.”

Daniel chuckles and takes a step back, brazenly checking Louis out. “You look good.”

A laughter bubbles out of Louis. “You-you’re very direct aren’t you.”

Daniel shrugs. “No point in wasting time beating around the bush when you can easily just go through It.” he graces Louis with a toothy smile. “Speaking of not wasting time, ready to get this show on the road?”

Louis nods with enthuse as they walk out of the bathroom into the shop. “I asked my friend Liam if he’s eaten here before and he said they have great food here, he suggested I try the honey oats muffins, but I’m not really a health nut like he is, I told him as much and so he made a second suggestion which was the Bacon-and-Leek quiche.” 

Louis rambles and Daniel bites back the smiles threatening to break though at Louis’ clear nervousness, glad that he is not the only one of them who is well nervous. 

“Mm, that sounds lovely. I’ll be sure to take you here and we can try both dishes on our second date.”

Louis looks at Daniel with raised eyebrows, completely ignoring the part about a second date, never mind the fact that his stomach fluttered at the prospect of it despite the fact that he wasn’t really aware that this was even a first date, he’d thought it was just grabbing breakfast with a friend that has made it obvious that he is interested in him.

“We’re not staying?”

Daniel shakes his head then directs his attention on the employee behind the counter. “Morning, I’ll have a cappuccino to go please.” He turns to a stumped Louis and asks. “What would you like?”

“Uh…tea please, Yorkshire.”

“Also to go.” Daniel adds, turning again to Louis to explain why they aren’t staying. “Can you believe we have a street food market here in London, which I’ve always been aware of but I’ve never once visited?”

“We have a street food market in London?” Louis deadpans and Daniel laughs.

“Yes, we do. I was hoping that we could check it out and try out all the different dishes they have to offer and just make a day of it.”

Their beverages and sachets of sugar and milk plus the little plastic spoons are placed in front of them and Daniel pays for both without question, not forgetting to thank the server. 

“A day of it, so this isn’t just a breakfast…date, you’re want cram in lunch and dinner too?” Louis asks, looking at his feet as they walk out.

“Well—yes, believe it or not getting a date with you is not as easy as you think. And I figured if this whole day goes to hell and you never want to go out with me again, I might as well squeeze in three dates with you in one day.” Daniel explains nervously.

Louis smiles to himself, his eyes still glued to the ground. “That’s a very risky move and bold assumption, you don’t even know if this date will make it past breakfast.”

“As the saying goes, in for a penny in for a pound.” Daniel gently places his finger underneath Louis’ chin and lifts his head so Louis is looking at him, he smiles at him when their eyes meet. “I hope you don’t mind.” 

Louis recalls Dr Collins words about him not allow his fear to control him. Determined Louis shakes his head and manages a shy and unsure smile. “I don’t mind.”

 

****

“I don’t believe it.”

Daniel throws his head back and laughs. “It’s not that hard to believe.”

“29? But you look like a teenager though.” Louis states perplexed.

“Hey, I do not.” Daniel protests.

“Do too.”

“Fine, in that case.” Daniel hold his hand out for Louis to shake. “Hi, I’m kettle, it’s nice to meet you pot.”

“Pssh,” Louis comments with a roll of his eyes, taking Daniel’s hand and shaking it. “Nice to meet you too.”

Daniel claps his hands. “Ok, enough about me, I feel like all we’ve talked about the whole day was me.”

Louis shifts uncomfortably knowing that he’s gone out of his way to make sure that he never stayed the topic of conversation for too long. “That’s because somebody wouldn’t stop talking about themselves.”

“Right, it’s all on me.” Daniel remarks sarcastically.

“What do you want to know?” Louis asks, deciding to humour Daniel. “Although I can’t promise not to bore you to death.”

Daniel scoffs. “You’re not boring, honestly even before I met you I thought you were…something special.” 

Louis tilts his head to the side. “Before you met me?”

Picking up on Louis’ apprehensive tone, Daniel rushes to put his mind at ease. “No, no, that came out wrong. What I meant was, when we were looking for a suitable donor for Alana and we were about to give up hope that we would ever find one, Harry told us about you.”

Louis swallows, preparing himself for the question he is about to ask and the answer that is to follow. “What did he say?”

“He—he explained your um, for want of a better word, situation. That you are able to fall pregnant.”

“You said “us” before, who is us?”

“The entire hospital staff not just the paediatric floor.”

Louis inhales sharply. “Oh.”

“It was for the better, doctors and nurses gossip. So even if he had just told only our floor, it would have gotten out.” Daniel says.

“I’m kind of surprised it hasn’t already if being honest. I’ve been expecting reporters and I don’t know groups of protesters standing on my front yard and calling me a freak.”

Daniel smiles at Louis sympathetically. “You’re not a freak Louis, you’re special. There are a lot of same sex couples out there whom I’m sure wish they were as lucky as you and Harry. That wish they could make a baby, especially if they turn out as precious as Alana and Ezra.”

Louis smiles at the mention of his babies, the only thing he feels he has done right in everything he has done. “They are precious aren’t they?”

Daniel laughs. “Very.”

A lull settles between them, then out of nowhere…

“NDA’s.”

“What?” Louis asks, confused.

“NDA’s, that’s how word hasn’t gotten out. Harry made the whole hospital sign NDA’s, from the Doctors to the nurses, cleaning staff and cafeteria staff etc.”

Louis’ mouth falls open with shock. “He what?”  
“He made us sign NDA’s, airtight NDA’s. That’s how I knew you were special, he took his time going from floor to floor stressing the sensitivity of situation and importance of discretion; and more or less gave a thinly veiled threat of coming after us with everything he has if we so much as breathed a word of it to the wind.” 

Louis stares dumbfounded, having never considered the idea. “I had no idea.” Louis says, mostly to himself.

Daniel shrugs. “He probably didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.” 

Daniel looks to the dwindling food trucks along with the traffic of people he and Louis had been patiently waiting to thin out. He jumps of the picnic table he and Louis are occupying and claps his hands excitedly. “Ice-cream time! You said you wanted cookie dough right?”

“Yes, please.” Louis replies’ with a smile not quiet reaching his eyes, his thoughts now preoccupied with what Daniel has just told him.

Later that night as Daniel walks Louis to his front door, nervous energy crackling around them. Louis unconsciously chewing his nails, the not knowing what is going to happen when they reach his door and say goodnight occupying his mind. 

Is Daniel going to kiss him goodnight? Is Louis even ready for to allow him to invade his space like that? What happens when he goes in for the kiss and Louis has a knee jerk reaction to push him away, how is he going to explain his reaction, does he even have too?

“I had a good time.” Daniel says, pulling Louis from his thoughts.

Louis looks around only to realise that 1) they have stopped 2) they are standing at his door  
3) Daniel is looking at him expectedly waiting for his reply.

“Me too.” Louis croaks out.

Daniel nods, he regards Louis’ door like he is waiting for it to open and officially call an end to their date before he can even summon up the courage to…what he’s not sure. He chuckles to himself with a shake of his head.

“I’ll be honest with you Louis, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do during this part of the date, it’s been a while you know.” Daniel confesses.

Louis smiles nervously. “Neither do I.”

Daniel takes a deep breath and looks at Louis closely for his reaction, with the same intensity that Louis has come to associate with Daniel. “I know I’d like to see you again though and try out that quiche you were talking about earlier on.”

Louis nods. “That sounds nice.”

Daniel smiles, he takes a step towards Louis, throwing caution to the wind. He leans in and kisses Louis softly on the lips, counting to five before pulling back. A laugh escapes his lips when he sees Louis with his eyes screwed shut and lips still puckered. Louis cracks an eye open and they both dissolve into laughter.

“We’re ridiculous.” Louis says

Daniel chuckles to himself before leaning in and kissing the corner of Louis’ lips. “Goodnight Louis,”

 

****

“Niall!!!” Louis shouts in exasperation as the rest of the table i.e. Zayn, Liam and Niall laugh at his expense.

“It was cute, that little awkward dance you and Dr Daniel Sharman did.”  
“Oh god.” Louis covers his face with his hands to hide his red cheeks. “I can’t believe you did that, I can’t believe you tailed us on our date.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t notice. And just so we’re clear it wasn’t the whole date all three of them squeezed into one day, at some point I did leave to run an errand and I came back just in time to make sure he got you home safe and that he was a complete gentleman. I was looking out for you." 

Louis sighs into his hands and uncovers his face, he turns to Zayn with a pout. “Don’t let these two idiots influence you please. For the sake of my sanity and our friendship don’t let them influence you.”

“For you, I’ll try.” Zayn says.

Louis beams and throws his arms around Zayn’s neck. “That’s why you’re my favourite.”

Niall and Liam “pssh” and roll their eyes at the two best friends sitting across from them.  
Louis’ smile is wiped off his face when his eyes land on Sophia walking.

Louis removes his arms from around Zayn and jerks his head in Sophia’s direction. “Sophia’s here.”

Zayn looks at Louis with a “What’s wrong?” quirk to his eyebrow, picking up on Louis’ strained voice. Louis mouth’s “later” to him, he then proceeds to drop his eyes to the table and unconsciously edges closer to Zayn seeking comfort.

“Love, what are you doing here?” Liam asks, kissing Sophia on the cheek lovingly.

“I came to check if everything was okay. You left the house so abruptly this morning I thought maybe there was some kind of emergency here or something.” 

Liam smiles sheepishly at his wife and nods his head to the table his friends are occupying. “No emergency, just breakfast with the lads.”  
It is then that Sophia acknowledges the three occupants at the table, her eyes shifting from Niall to Zayn and widening in surprise when they land on Louis. “Oh, hello.” She greets with a painted on smile.

“Hey, Soph.” Niall greets cheeringly, waving his pancake speared fork.

“Sophia.” Louis mumbles his greeting. 

Sophia looks at Zayn and cocks her head to the side. “New face, hi.” She offers her hand. “I’m Sophia, Liam’s wife and you are?”

Zayn not knowing who she is, and not liking how Louis has shrunk in on himself just from her presence waves briefly. “Zayn.”

The beat of silence that follows is awkward as Sophia retracts her hands and everyone pretty much just stand/sit looking at one another not saying anything.

“So Louis, I wasn’t aware you were still in London. Liam hasn’t mentioned you in such a long time that I presumed you’d gone back to the big apple.” Sophia says, giving Liam a look.

“Sorry to disappoint.” Louis replies, pushing around the last couple of bites of his food on the plate.

Another beat of silence.

“So, breakfast with the boys, huh?” Sophia comments.

“Mm, we all wanted to hear the juicy yet awkward details of how Louis’ first date in some two years went.” Niall supplies with a full mouth.

“Oh really, and who’s the lucky guy?” Sophia directs the question at Louis

Louis bites his lip and glances away. “No one special.”  
Niall snorts. “No one special! Don’t let, Dr Dan, hear you say that.”

Louis glares at Niall hoping he can read the: “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!,” written on his face; even Lima throws Niall a look.

“A doctor, huh?” Sophia says, tone accusing and Louis keeps his face blank even though his face is itching to wince. Fortunately Liam jump in.

“Soph, we still have those chocolate croissants you love so much, want me to get you some.

“Mm, I’d love some.” She hooks her arm through Liam’s and lets him lead her to the kitchen, completely missing the apologetic look Liam throws over his shoulder at Louis.

“What was that about?” Zayn asks as soon as Liam and Sophia are out of ear shot.

Louis takes a deep breath, puffin his cheeks up with air before exhaling it out. “She doesn’t like me every much.”

“I got that, why though?” Zayn asks, frowning.

“Because of what I used to do, who I used to be. She’s doesn’t believe that I’ve changed.”

“And that has what to do with her?”

“Exactly!” Niall exclaims. “She just has a stick up her ass. Honestly there are way worse criminals out there than Louis. If she had to make the comparison between Louis and say rapists, murderers and abusers; Lou is a grain of sand compared to the endless beach of criminals.”

Louis is touched by Niall’s passionate words, he’s about to voice his gratitude when his cell rings. 

“Harry?” Louis answers.

“Lou…” Harry breaks of into a coughing fit.

“Harry, a-are you okay?” Louis asks, the concern seeping into his voice causing Zayn and Niall exchange questioning looks.

“Could you come over, please? I need you to come and fetch Ezra, I don’t want to get him sick.” Harry breaks off to another fit, the kind that makes you move the phone from your face in fear that you might catch whatever the person at the end of the line has. 

“Jesus, are you okay?” Louis asks.

“Louis please.”

“I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you.”

Louis hangs up and looks up to find Niall and Zayn looking at him expectedly. “Could you drive me to Harry’s? He’s sick and he needs me to fetch Ezra.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll bring the car around.” Niall agrees without question.

“Do you need me to come with?” Zayn asks.

Louis shakes his head. “You have work remember. I think Niall and I will manage.”

Zayn nods. “Well, call me if you need anything.

****

Louis and Niall arrive at the Styles estate to find Harry red nosed, clammy and pale. In a, Bridget Jones, bundle on the living room couch and instead of a tub of ice-cream in his hands a bowl of chicken soup sits in its place. 

“You look like shit.” Niall states, wrinkling his nose when Harry raises the middle finger in thanks and a painful dry cough soon following after the gesture.

“Yeah, self-proclaimed germaphobe over here, so I’m gonna be anywhere but here.” Niall says, backing away cautiously, like he’s afraid that if he makes any sudden movement he will spontaneously catch what Harry has. “Lou, I’ll wait for you in the car.” And with that Niall speed walks out of the house.

“Niall Horan, everyone.” Louis says sarcastically, moving to join Harry on the couch.

Harry laughs and then follows it up with a groan. “You probably shouldn’t make me laugh, my body gets all achy when I laugh...or breathe, basically if I so much as move.”

“Aww,” Louis coos. “I forgot how pouty you get when you’re sick.”

“I don’t get pouty!” Harry exclaims, even though—yep there it is there’s the pout.

Louis laughs at his point being proven causing Harry to huff into his soup. A curl gets loose from the bun that is one sneeze away from becoming undone and falls into his face.  
Louis, remembering how that always seemed to happen whenever Harry had his hair in a bun, automatically reaches out like he used to and tugs on the loose strand before tucking it behind Harry’s ear.

Both men freeze. Louis from catching himself and realizing what he’s just done like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And Harry from memories flashing by from moments in their “relationship”, when Louis would do what he just did and Harry would get a flutters in his stomach. 

Back then Harry had figured the flutters were actually his stomach churning in disgust at how good a conman Louis was, how convincingly he could play the part. But now his stomach has just given the same flutters, and well fuck, those might just be and possibly always have been butterflies.

Louis breaks the staring contest his gesture had caused and stands abruptly, showing his hands in his jacket pockets to keep them from putting him in anymore awkward situations.

“So, where’s Ezra?”

When Harry doesn’t answer, Louis, lifts his eyes from the ground to Harry’s face. He is taken aback by the intensity in Harry’s eyes that is focused entirely on him; his stare has always been intense especially when he is being attentive, this one is just more on the…vulnerable side.

Louis swallows. “Harry?”

Harry blinks owlishly into focus. He looks down into his bowl of soup forehead puckering, he leans over and places the soup on the coffee table and snuggles back into the couch wrapping himself up in the blanket. “We had a little accident during breakfast. Muriel is giving him a bath, they should be done soon. You can go up if you want.”

“No it’s fine, I can wait.”

“So, first sleep over with Ezra, nervous?” Harry asks, immediately coughing up a storm afterwards. Louis hands him the glass of water on the coffee table, sitting back down on the couch. 

“Thank you.” Harry croaks, taking greedy gulps.

“Who exactly is going to take care of you after Ezra and I leave?” Louis asks, concerned.

Harry shrugs, looking exhausted from his coughing fit. “I’ll be fine, I’m used to taking care of myself.” He shrugs again. “Remember I was the only Styles to carry on my family’s name before Ezra and Alana.”

Louis smiles sadly at the deprecating tone in Harry’s words. “Well, I’ve been thinking about asking my mom to come down for a visit, you know to finally meet her grandchildren.”

Harry visibly grimaces at the mention of Jay, if Harry had a list of people who are probably not his biggest fans she would at the top of it, followed by Louis’ army of siblings no doubt.

“That sounds great.”

“Mm, I might ask her to come this week. While she’s here I could also ask her to make you her, Get Better soon remedy, it works instantly.”

Harry bites his bottom lip and shakes his head. “I don’t think that that’s a good idea. Besides she wouldn’t want to see me anyway.”

“Probably not.” Louis agrees.

Harry lapses into another coughing fit, face scrunched up in pain only a dry cough can bring. Louis reaches for the glass to give to Harry but realises it’s empty, he quickly gets up and goes to the kitchen to refill it, grabbing a jug and filling it with water and takes it back with him. He hands the glass to Harry and places the jug on the table.

Harry looks exhausted, like each coughing fit just drains his energy reserves. Louis worries about how Harry is going to take good enough care of himself alone, when it’s clear that whatever it is he has, cold or flu, is putting him through the wringer.

He gnaws at his lip as he watches the sick patient attempt to sit up and place the glass back on the table, but seems like too much so he settles it clumsily on the floor by the foot of the couch and sags back onto the arm of the couch, eyes closed and chest rising up and down to quickly for Louis’ liking.

“I think…” Louis starts and then stops himself. Harry startles at the sound of his voice, cracking a heavy eye open.

“Huh?” Harry asks weakly, his eye closing and body and mind succumbing to sleep.  
Louis makes up his mind, he quietly stands up and makes his way out of the house to Niall’s car. Niall jumps when Louis knocks on his window, he rolls it down and looks at Louis questionably.  
“I think I’m gonna stay, it look s like whatever he has is worse than what I thought, I can’t leave him like this.” Louis says.

Niall looks surprised at the change of plans. “Are you sure?”

Louis nods. “Yeah, I’m gonna stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry it took so long to update. heart breaking news about Louis' mother, I hope and pray that the family stays strong and only positive things come their way this new year.
> 
> so, guys the twin' birthday is coming up and I'd like you guys to throw ideas my way, how should they spend their birthday because yes, Alana will be coming home for it, and yeah how should they spend Christmas?
> 
> what would you like to see happen in the following chapter, I'll gift the ideas I like as a Christmas present to you guys.
> 
> Happy Holidays and as always I love and appreciate your comments and support.


	15. chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy. mwah. we're almost to the finish line.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Louis is laughing the hardest he has ever laughed in a long time. He is filled with joy. The kind of joy that is bubbling up in his stomach and climbing up his throat and coming out in the form of uncontrolled contagious laughter. This is the happiest he has felt in a while.

“What?” Louis asks, catching his mother staring at him from her place on the picnic blanket.

Jay smiles and shakes her head. “Nothing, I just haven’t seen you like this in a very long time.”

“Like what?” he asks distractedly, his attention having shifted to Ezra and the two sets of twins his mother brought with her from Doncaster.

“Like you, the old you.” Jay praises.

Louis smiles hopefully. “Things are starting to look up that’s all.”

“I’m happy for you, really I am. I hope it lasts.”

“Me too.” Louis confesses quietly. Ezra falls flat on his bum in his attempt to stand up like the other children. “Hey, Daisy sit behind Ezra please, make sure to catch his fall.” Louis instructs, watching on anxiously.

Jay laughs at Louis’ tense posture, remembering her own anxieties of being a first time parent. “Relax Boo, he’ll fine.”

Louis sighs. “I should have listened to Harry and brought the baby walk with.”

Jay’s brows disappear into her hairline. “Oh, and when did you see Harry? I thought this week was your week.”

“Technically it is.” Louis says, fidgeting uncomfortably under his mother’s gaze. “But we haven’t implemented the agreement yet.”

Jay looks at Louis with bewilderment and he rushes to defend his and Harry’s decision.

“It’s only for a short while, until the twins get used to having me around, until they’ve gotten to know me.”

Jay scoffs. “They wouldn’t need to get to know you if he hadn’t taken them from you.”

Louis sighs, getting where his mother is coming from but seriously not needing the stress right now. “Mum, please. I—this may not seem like a good idea but it’s working for us okay. Ezra and I have quickly bonded and this whole week I’ve been staying at Harry’s we’ve gotten closer, and I have no doubt that the same will happen with Alana once she’s out of the hospital and she sees more of me. And besides it’s not like Harry and just made this decision on a whim you know. 

“He threw the idea out there and asked for my opinion and we discussed it, obviously I had reservations and that’s why we consulted both our mediator and family therapist and they both agreed that if that’s what we think is best; we can try it out on a trial basis. And if it doesn’t work out the way we want or there’s conflict then we’re implementing the agreement.”

Jay shakes her head in silent but glaringly obvious disagreement. “I don’t like this, the agreement, the schedule is there for a reason. It sets boundaries, draws clear lines that you know you shouldn’t cross.”  
Louis huffs exasperatedly, shooting Jay a dirty look. “What are you trying to imply. What line do you think I’m going to cross?”

“Louis. You’ve been staying at his place for the past week, nursing him back to health…”

“Don’t! Don’t say it like that. Don’t say it like I’ve been serving him hand and foot; jumping to his side at every cough sneeze and ache mum. He’s been sleeping most of the time, the only thing I’ve had to do is make sure he takes his medication, stays hydrated and eats at least something to keep up his strength. I haven’t been giving him sponge baths or holding his hand.”

A few heads have turned in their direction during Louis’ rant and the children have gone quiet. Louis shuts his eyes and takes deep, DEEP, calming breathes to compose himself, once he feels calmer he looks to Jay who’s shoulder and jaw or set stubbornly and he instantly knows the subject hasn’t been dropped.

“I just don’t want him to hurt you again.” She says.

Louis shakes his head. “the only hurt, Harry Styles, has inflicted on me is breaking my heart which I justifiably deserved and stealing two years I could have spent with my children because he was played and misinformed. And honestly mum he has done nothing but try to right his wrongs.”

“Oh, he’s righting his wrongs is he?” Jay snipes.

“Yes! He could have easily just kept quiet about what Nick did. He could have easily just kept me from my kids, but he didn’t. Instead he is walking around guilt riddled and trying, which is more than I expected of him to do.”

“This is how it starts, you defending him then next thing you know he is back in your life and you have forgiven him.”

“What is so wrong with that, if it means he and I have a chance of raising the twins together peacefully? What is so wrong with just letting go of the past and starting over on a new slate?”

Jay pinches the bridge of her nose. “How, how can you forgive him after he hurt you the way he did?”

“The same way I forgave you after you hurt me the way you did!”

Jay inhales sharply like she has been slapped across the face. Louis refuses to look at her, knowing the hurt he will see there, but he refuses to take back what he said, his mother has no right to act holier than thou like she also hasn’t hurt Louis in the past. Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

****

“Niall what did you do?!” Louis exclaims.

“Louis!!!” 

Both Niall and a very drunk Harry cheer, which is concerning because Harry should not be drinking alcohol with his medication but Louis will deal with that later his main priority now is the pair of scissors in Niall’s right hand and the ponytail of dark hair in his left. Not forgetting the hair on Harry’s head that is currently a ponytail shorter than he left it this morning.

He should have known better than to leave Harry in Niall’s care.

“Niall what did you do?” Louis asks walking further into the bathroom, his nose picking up on the strong smell of whiskey in the air.

“What? He said he planned on getting a haircut I just helped him out.” Niall defends, swinging Harry’s ponytail.

Harry laughs, watching his hair being swung around, Louis groans and hits Niall upside the head, hard. “Ow, what the fuck Lou?!” Niall exclaims.

“What the hell where you thinking giving him alcohol knowing he is on medication, Niall, not forgetting HE’S SICK!” Louis throws his hands in the air.

Niall rubs the back of his head with a pout. “I didn’t give him alcohol, I gave him Irish coffee.”

“And the difference is?” Louis deadpans.

Niall shrugs. “It works wonders for me when I’m sick.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Niall, you practically have alcohol for blood. I’m pretty sure if scientifically possible, alcohol could bring you back from the dead.”

Niall doesn’t argue, it is science after all, accurate or not. 

“Help me get him to bed.” Louis says, already having swung Harry’s arm over his shoulder and wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist to lift him. They drag him to bed with Harry cheerily singing I whip my hair, of all things in that moment and occasionally giggling and hiccupping.

Harry whines as soon as his back hits the mattress. “No, I don’t wanna go to bed.”

Louis sighs, struggling to remove the bedcovers from underneath Harry’s body. “You’re sick Harry, you need to sleep if you want to get better.”

“Then stay,” Harry slurs. “The bed’s too big, too lonely for just me.”

Louis lets out a startled squeak as Harry pulls him on top of his body and wrapping his arms tightly around him. “I miss having you in my bed, I miss you holding you.” Harry sighs tiredly. “I just miss you.”

Louis blushes up a storm, as he tries to wiggle himself out of Harry’s arms while Niall laughs behind him. “How much did you give him to drink?” 

“I don’t know, maybe a mug or two…and a half.” Niall says, stifling his laughter.

Louis manages to wiggle his way out of Harry’s grasp, much to Harry’s dismay. “I’m never trusting you with my kids if alcohol is going to be your go to solution for everything.”

“Hey, I was trying to loosen him up a little bit. You yourself have got to admit that he’s been a bit stiff lately not at all like the old Harry, and when I say the old Harry I mean the one you were swindling and I investigated, basically the guy you fell in love with.” Niall defends.

“Niall, his daughter is sick, have you ever thought maybe he’s “stiff” because he’s knotted up with worry.”

“Well then maybe you should give him a massage, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind it since he misses having you in his bed and all.” Niall winks exaggeratedly.

Niall runs out of the room laughing, narrowly missing being hit by the water bottle Louis throws at him. And if you must know, NO, Louis is so not blushing at Niall’s implication, no not at all.

 

****

Surprisingly Harry wakes up feeling a lot better thanks to the alcohol knocking him out cold the whole night through, unlike when he would wake up every so often whilst medicated coughing in the middle of the night. Not surprising, is the strangled scream he let out once he discovered the ponytail in the bathroom.

There may have been a moment of hysteria followed by tears and eventually acceptance, and back to tears.

“All done?” Louis asks Harry’s personal hairstylist (which he called in the middle of his hysteria).

“Yes, he’ll be down in a minute.” 

Louis’ eyes look to the stairs nervously. “And how does he look?”

“Good, better actually. He doesn’t believe it so just stroke his ego when you see him it will do wonders.” The stylist advices readjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder. “Anyway, I better be on my way I have an appointment to get to.”

“It was nice to meet you.” Louis says, the stylist nods in agreement and waves goodbye.

It takes more than a minute for Harry to come down. In that time Louis has paced the floor. Checked his messages and gotten a text from Niall asking if it’s safe yet to come out of hiding even though it hasn’t been the full 24 hours he said he’d be hiding out, and Louis’ still wouldn’t put it past Harry to still go after Niall even though he has calmed down.

He finally ended up relaxing with a magazine and cup of tea in one the mansion’s many outside sitting/entertaining areas; this one smaller than the others and in its own seclusion, with two couches (yes couches outside, I will never understand it) coffee table and OUTDOOR FIREPLACE!!!

Louis is reading an article about another desperate celebrity pulling a stunt to stay relevant when Harry finally emerges. Louis jaw does not drop, it does not.

…except it totally does. And he totally chokes on his tea.

Harry Styles with wild curly hair is hot. Hairy Styles with long hair either down or in a bun is hotter. Harry Styles with short cropped hair, with that jaw (overall bone structure) and those eyes is…OH MY GOD!!!

“You don’t mind if I join you do you?” Harry asks standing in front of Louis with a tray staked with the leaning tower of pancakes, with freaking banana slices in between every pancake dribbled with syrup, a side of bacon and a pot of tea.

Louis opens and closes his suddenly dry mouth a couple of times before any words form. “Uh, it’s your place, you can do whatever you want.”

Harry nods and goes to carefully lower his food on the table, his bottom lip caught in between his teeth as he concentrates not to drop anything. He grabs the pillows off the opposite couch from the one Louis is sitting on and throws them on the ground in front of the table and immediately dropping down on them immediately digging into his meal. All the while aware of Louis’ gawking.

“I’m famished, it feels like I haven’t eaten for years.” Harry says conversationally, cutting into his pancakes.

“Um, yes—the doctor said once you start getting better your appetite will come back to you in full force.”

“No, shit.” Harry says with a full mouth.

Louis eyes drop to the magazine in his lap, tearing the corner of it in want of having something to do other openly staring at Harry freaking Styles.

“There’s pancakes in the microwave for when you’re hungry, I wasn’t sure if you’d want some, I saw the bowl of cereal in the sink and figured you might be good for a while.” Harry smiles closed mouth, lips glistening with syrup. And Louis is staring again

When Louis doesn’t say anything and just stares, Harry self-consciously runs his fingers on the longer hairs at the crown of his head. “Is it that bad that it makes you stare?”

Louis blushes at being caught. “What, no! You look great, I mean it looks great. It’s just so different, I never would have pictured you like this it-it suits you.”

Harry smiles. “Thank you, Lou. Not just for the compliment, but for everything, thank you.”

Louis smiles toothily. “You’re welcome.”

They smile at each other for a moment before Harry’s stomach growls reminding him of his fierce hunger, he goes back to his food with a flush on his cheeks.

“May I?” Louis points to the pot of tea and Harry nods.

“It won’t be like the way you prefer it though.”

Louis shrugs and fills his mug. “I know, I’m too comfortable to go inside and make my own.”

Harry nods and shoves a strip of bacon in his mouth to hide the pleased smile at Louis’ words: he is comfortable around him. Louis relaxes back on the couch blowing into his tea. This is probably the most relaxed they have been with each other since they met. 

Louis’ phone vibrates on the table and Louis eyes widen when he sees who it is, Daniel. Crap, Louis forgot about him. Literally the guy hasn’t crossed his mind since his stay with Harry.

“Hey stranger,” Daniel greet cheerily.

“H-hi, how are you?”

“I’m actually very busy right now, but I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.”

“You have?” Louis asks, eyes shifting to Harry.

“Yes, we’re supposed to have a second date remember, I’m free tomorrow if you’re up for it.”

Louis can hear the expectancy in his voice. “Tomorrow? Um, I’m not really sure, can I get back to you on that?”  
“Oh,” Daniel says with, disappointed. “Yes of course, can’t wait to hear from you.”

“Bye.” Louis hangs up.

Louis stares at the phone thoughtfully biting his lip as he tries to figure out how to go about bringing up the topic he’s been meaning to bring up but hasn’t found the words or courage to, fearing the answer and the changes it might bring.

“Is everything okay?” 

Louis startles at Harry’s voice pulling him from his thoughts. “Mm?”

“Is everything this okay?” He asks again, pointedly looking at Louis’ cell like it’s the cause of the frown on Louis’ face.

“Um yeah, everything is fine.” he lies.

Harry nods. “Do you have plans today?”

Louis raises a questioning eyebrow. “I figured I would still be taking care of you, so I didn’t bother with making plans.”

Harry beams. “Great.”

“Why is that great?”

“Ezra is growing out of his clothes and I had planned on taking him and going shopping for new clothes before I got sick, I’m feeling better now and I figured I might as well go.” Harry bites his lip nervously. “Ifyouwantedyoucancomewith.”

The frown lines that had formed on Louis’ forehead from deciphering Harry’s rushed offer for him to tag along with him and Ezra disappears and gives way to crinkles by Louis eyes as he smiles. His heart melting at getting to shop for his babies and spoil them, finally.

“I would love to.”

****

“Aren’t these just the cutest?” Louis giggles, shoving the two pairs of white Converse shoes he has in each hand in Harry’s face. One pair his size the other Ezra’s size.

Harry laughs because Louis has already bought matching jean jackets, shirts and pants and he has a feeling the shoes will also be added to the list. “The absolute cutest.”

Louis smiles and proceeds to put the shoes in the trolley like Harry predicted. “Oh my god look!” Louis rushes to get the last pair tiny pink pair of converse shoes. “For Alana.”

“I’m assuming those are also going into the trolley?” Louis levels Harry with a “duh” look before depositing the shoes into the trolley. 

“Now, let’s go visit the toy section.”

****

“Thank that’s was delicious.” Louis complements.

“You’re very welcome,” the waitress says, stacking their dirty dishes on her tray. “What would you like for dessert?”

“I would love…” Harry starts only to have Louis cut him off.

“He will have a hot chocolate please, and I’ll have your chocolate cake.” 

“Coming right up.” The waitress leaves and Louis is left with a pouting Harry.

“I wanted chocolate ice-cream.”

Louis scoffs. “I know you did but that’s not what you’re getting.” Harry opens his mouth to protest and Louis raises his hand to shut him up. “What, you don’t think I’ve noticed that our little shopping spree has taken it out of you? You’re pale as a sheet. And don’t even think for a second I haven’t noticed you masking your coughing by clearing your throat.”

Harry fish mouths for a couple of seconds then sighs in defeat, slouching in his chair. “Maybe the shopping spree was a little premature, I should have probably given myself a day or two of rest.”

“You think.” Louis remarks sarcastically.

“But I don’t regret it, I had a great time.” Harry says with a smile.

“Me too.” Louis smiles back. “Maybe next time we’ll actually be able to bring Ezra with, that is if he doesn’t fall asleep on us on the way out of the house like he did today.”

They both burst out laughing at the memory. 

“Maybe next time, if we’re lucky, Alana will also be able to join us as well.” Louis says quietly after their laughter quietens down.

Harry blinks rapidly, the corners of his eyes prickling. “Yeah maybe.”

The waitress returns to the table with their desserts and cheque and leaves as soon as they thank her.

“That looks good.” Harry comments, watching Louis slice a piece of cake with his fork and proceeding to eat it his eyes closing as a moan escapes him.

“Tastes even better.” Louis comments. “You want a taste?” He asks, holding up his fork which is balancing a generous amount of cake.

“You don’t mind?” Harry inquires, his mouth already salivating. 

Louis shakes his head and moves the fork closer to Harry’s lips. “Go on, have at it.”

Not needing to be told twice, Harry wraps his lips wrapped around the fork and his eyes much like Louis’ close the moment the taste of the cake hits his tongue. “Fuck,” he says all husky. He opens his eyes slowly. Louis is looking at him eye wide, his cheeks flushed and mouth slack. And they just sit there.

Looking at each other.

“Well isn’t this a sight to see.” 

Louis tenses almost immediately, face gone pale and fear settling in his eyes. Harry tense as well, only it is anger that settles into his eyes. He turns his head slowly to the source of the voice. 

“David.” Harry greets lowly with barely concealed anger.

“Young Harry.” David greets back with his usual air of arrogance. “Long time no see.”

Harry’s eyes flash. “Not long enough.” 

David pulls up a chair and sits, completely ignoring Louis. “Now now Harry, don’t be like that. I was hoping we could catch up and possibly talk business. I hear you’re looking for a partner to run your restaurants.”

“I have absolutely nothing to discuss with you, I want nothing to do with you, and I thought the restraining order I have against you proved that, a restraining order that still stands by the way.”

“Come on now Harry that is no way to talk to an old friend and old business associate. Let bygones be bygones.” David persists and Harry has had just about enough.

Harry clenches his jaw, he takes his wallet out and throws money on the table to cover his and Louis’ meal. He stands up and grabs a stupefied Louis’ arm and pulls him up from his chair. “We’re leaving.”

“Harry.” David calls out, making a grab at Louis who is trailing behind Harry and Louis recoils with a gasp. 

“Don’t!” Harry warns, moving Louis behind him to shield him and Louis lets him.

David chuckles. “Protective there aren’t you Styles. I was surprised to hear that he was back in London and had somehow found his way back into your good books. What did he do to earn your forgiveness, huh?”

David shifts his eyes from Harry to Louis as he stands protected behind Harry. Louis takes a step back even though Harry is standing between himself and David. 

“What did you have to do, did you go on your knees and beg for forgiveness? You’ve always been good on your knees. Or did you have to put out, are you still as good as you used to be at that or did all those times you’ve been ripped open and stitched back up and ripped open and stitched back up by the little friend we sent in there to keep you company completely break you?”

David does not see the punch coming, neither does Harry never mind the fact that he’s the one to deliver the blow. Gasps sound throughout the restaurant as David stumbles back from the force of the punch and falls against the table.  
Harry grabs David by the lapels of his suit punching him twice then getting threateningly close to David’s face.

“Don’t forget David, I have something on you. I have something on all of you. And if you ever come anywhere near Louis and me again or don’t keep up your end of the bargain, I will ruin you. “He promises. 

Harry let’s go and steps back slowly, eyes fixed on David with a murderous look in them. The restaurant suspended in silence as everyone waits in bated breath to see what is going to happen next.  
David only offers a nervous swallow, a terrified look in his eyes which satisfies Harry enough to turn his back on him and focus his attention on a shaken Louis.

“Are you oaky?” he asks and Louis nods numbly. “Good, let’s go.”

And with that he takes Louis’ hand and leads him out of the restaurant. 

 

****

So Louis lied he is not okay. As soon as they got home Louis ran to his room and threw up. Harry wanted to go after him but he figured he probably wanted be alone at the moment and he can’t blame him. By the time Louis does resurface it is dark outside and Harry has already had his dinner.

Shy knock comes from the door. Harry who had been lying in bed staring into the darkness of the room switches on the bedside lamp and sits halfway up leaning back on his elbows to keep him upright. “Come in.”

The door opens slowly. Louis walks in quietly closing the door behind him. He walks to the foot of the bed, his head hanging low.

“Hi,” Louis greets quietly his head still hung low as he plays with the belt of his bath robe. His skin flushed and hair wet from the shower. Showers, Harry counted six showers that Louis took.

“Hi.” Harry responds to Louis’ greeting in an equally quiet tone, he’s not sure why they are speaking in hushed tones. “Are you okay?”

Louis nods. “I just wanted to say thank you for today. For taking me shopping with you and defending me.

“Don’t mention it; it was the right thing to do. He had no right throwing what happened to you in your face like that, in public no less. If I had known that he would show up I wouldn’t have…”

Louis cuts him off. “You didn’t know it’s okay.”

Harry sighs sitting up fully his back leaning against the headboard and running his fingers through his newly short hair. “Still, I just wish that I had done more.”

Louis shakes his head vehemently. “You did more than enough. More than what I expected.” 

Louis looks at Harry through his lashes and Harry’s breathe catches because wow Louis is beautiful. “How’s your hand?” 

Harry looks down at his bruised knuckles and stretches his fingers out, wincing when a dull shot of pain shoots up his arm. “I think I’ll live, I iced it and the swelling has gone down. Now it’s just more bruised than anything really.” 

Louis walks around the end of the bed, stopping at Harry’s bedside. “Can I?” he points to Harry’s bruised hand and Harry nods.

Louis takes it in his hand and tentatively brushes the tips of his fingers at the discoloured area. He swallows nervously, his eyes shifting to Harry’s face then down to his bare chest. Tension settles itself in the air between them.

“Louis?” harry whispers.

“I want to try something.” Louis says. 

When Harry doesn’t object, Louis drops his hand and takes a step back. He reaches for the belts of his robe and pulls at them his robe falling open, Louis shrugs it off his shoulders and lets it drop to the floor to pool at his feet. 

Harry fists at the sheets, restraining himself because there in front of him stands a naked Louis and he doesn’t know what to do with that, doesn’t know what is happening.  
Louis climbs on the bed and straddles a frozen Harry. He takes Harry’s hands and places them on his hips, he looks to Harry to see what he’s going to do and Harry is just looking back at him with a caught off guard look on his face.

“I need prove that he was wrong. I need to prove that he didn’t break me. I need to prove him wrong.” Louis explains.

“Louis, you don’t have to…”

Louis leans down and kisses Harry into silence, whimpering when Harry’s hands on his hips grip him tight. It’s a desperate kiss that they share and something inside Harry is screaming: “YOU NEED TO STOP THIS NOW, STOP IT NOW HE’S NOT THINKING STRAIGHT STOP THIS.”

But then his hands travel up Louis’ back, his soft skin driving Harry crazy. He groans his arms wrapping themselves around Louis and pressing him closer. The action startles a gasp out of Louis. His mind flashes to all those times he and Harry had sex on this very bed and his heart speeds up remembering how passionate and giving Harry is in bed.

He melts into Harry, breaking the kiss and trailing his lips down Harry’s jaw to his neck, his hands also traveling south; down Harry’s chest. He wants to see if he is still able to push Harry without needing to be spread out under him.

Harry hands greedily reacquaint themselves with Louis’ thighs and fuck Harry stomach twists pleasurably at how good they feel. How familiar. His hands travel the familiar path to Louis’ ass and just when he is about to reach his destination he feels Louis tense up and like a bucket of cold ice water, his sense come back to him.

He is suddenly aware that Louis’ hands are trembling where they’ve stopped on his stomach, it’s not an obvious tremble but it is there none the less, and he just cannot do this.

“Stop.” He says hoarsely, leaning away from Louis’ lips that detach themselves from his pulse with a smack. “We can’t do this.”

Louis looks at him with those blue eyes of his, confusion and hurt flashing through them and buried underneath those, fear. “You don’t want me.” Louis states, insecurity evident in his voice. It breaks Harry’s heart.

“I do. I do so much but we can’t do this, not like this.”

Louis gets off Harry like it burns him to be that close. He grabs his robe off the floor, his face pink with embarrassment.

“Louis.” Harry says carefully, while he tries to untangle his legs from the bed sheets.

“Don’t, please don’t.” 

With that Louis runs out of the room.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy thank you for reading my doves. and thank you for your patience.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Louis and Harry haven’t seen each other since that night. Louis ran out of the house, gown, bare feet, and all. Harry, tried getting a hold of him but, Louis, just plain out refused to see him and the only contact he has made is sending, Zayn, to Harry’s to get his stuff; seeing as Harry was feeling better, clearly, Louis ,wasn’t needed to stay there anymore.

Harry’s spirit sunk when he opened the door and found an uncomfortable looking, Zayn, on the other side telling him he was there to get Lou’s stuff. His spirit sunk even further when Zayn informed him on his way out that: “Um, Louis also asked me to tell you that he would feel more comfortable if you guys started following the custody agreement. Just so there aren’t any more lines crossed.”  
So yeah, it been roughly three weeks and unfortunately for Louis, he can’t avoid Harry forever. 

“Zayn, what am I going to do?” Louis whines, dragging his feet behind Zayn, who is whistling along to the Christmas carols playing through the store radio and not paying him much attention.

“Zayn!” Louis whines again shoving Zayn’s shoulder to get his attention.

“You knew that this was bound to happen Lou, it’s not like you could avoid him forever you have children together.”

“I know, it’s just—I was hoping it would take a little while longer before he and I came face to face.” Louis says defeated. 

“something’s’ are just better gotten over and done with than waiting for later, this being one of those things.” Zayn says trying to comfort Louis.

Louis loops his arm through Zayns and they turn to the next aisle continuing their shopping.

“I threw myself at him, what was I thinking?”

Zayn shrugs. “You ran into your sick sadist ex, who sent in an equally sick and sadistic animal in prison to hurt you in the worst way possible. In that moment you were vulnerable and probably scared and you needed to feel protected and safe and, Harry, was obviously the closest thing to that because he was there and he stood up for you and shielded you. Plus given the past you two share, the good parts not the bad, the idea of you turning to Harry in your moment of vulnerability is not as outlandish as you think.”

“Do you and Dr Collins have secret meetings where you swap notes about me, because he more or less said the same thing?” Louis deadpans.

Zayn smiles victoriously. “Guess I’m smarter than I give myself credit for.”

Louis huffs. “Yay you, it still doesn’t help me with my problem. It’s late November Zayn, do you know what that means?”

“Yeah, me doubling up on blankets when I sleep because it is freezing.” Louis goes to punch Zayn’s arm bit misses when Zayn leans over to take two tins of Pringles of the shelf. 

“No Zayn, what it means is that the twin’s birthday is coming up soon and it’s only a week apart from mine. It also means that Christmas is coming and somehow coincidently both these occasions, Christmas and the twin’s birthday fall in the weeks I’m supposed to have them.”

Zayn frowns. “Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that my mum has been hinting I spend Christmas with the family and I should obviously bring Ezra with, but that would mean that Harry won’t get to spend Christmas with the twins like he is used to, I supposed he could visit Alana in hospital, but it’s just won’t be the same.”

“I still don’t see what the problem is, you get to spend Christmas with your family and he gets to spend Christmas with his.”

Louis sighs almost sadly. “He doesn’t have a family. His dad died of cancer and mother passed away soon after. He doesn’t have siblings or distant family so he’s alone. I mean he used to be alone before the twins but now one is sick and will possibly spend the holidays in the hospital and the other is spending his birthday and Christmas week with me.”

Zayn is quiet for a moment then says. “Then maybe Harry and I can form a: “don’t have anyone to spend Christmas with.” club and we’ll just spend it together.”

Aaaaaand Louis feels like an ass. He has been so caught up with his problems that he failed to notice that he was excluding Zayn from his plans, which was not his intentions. Of course he wants to celebrate Christmas with Zayn like he has done for the past two years, those were the best Christmases he has had in his life and mind you one of said Christmases was spent while they were still residents of the trauma centre.  
While their fellow residents got family visits, warm hugs and smiles filled with love and presents, Louis and Zayn, just had each other. Compared to the hugs and the gifts it wasn’t anything special but the two had each other and that was better than nothing at all. 

FLASH BACK

Zayn sits by the window curled in on himself, his arms wrapped around his legs and head resting on his knees while he stares outside, more specifically at the front gate of the centre where families and some of the residents are coming in and going out. He sighs sadly to himself when another round of cheerful laughter comes from somewhere in the common room.

“Not a fan of the “festive” season?” Louis asks, sitting down on the bench alongside Zayn, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, mirroring Zayn.

“There’s nothing to be festive for is there?” Zayn broods.

Louis bites his lips and stares at the happy families around them. “No, I guess not.”

They sit in silence, Louis watching the families and Zayn looking outside the window.

“I keep hoping he’ll show up.” Zayn confesses quietly.

Louis tears his eyes away from the families and looks at Zayn. “What?”

“My father. I keep hoping he’ll show up you know, to check up on me and make sure I’m doing okay. I’ve been here a year and a half now and still nothing.” Zayn lifts a shaky finger and points to the pavement outside the gate, Louis, looks to the spot. “That’s where he left me, on the side of the road. That’s where he told me he wanted me out of his life. And I keep hoping he’ll show up.”

“Have you u-um, tried calling him?”

Zayn swallows. “He changed his number after a couple of times I called him when I first got here.”

Louis blows out his cheeks at a loss. They sit in silence for a few minutes until Zayn’s curiosity piques. “What about you? Where are your family and friends, you haven’t had any visitors since you’ve been here?”

“That’s by choice, uh, after what happened to me happened I wasn’t ready to face people. I couldn’t be around people, least of all people I care for and love, so I left. Only, Liam and Niall, those are my two best friends know where I am. That I’m here getting help.”

Zayn frowns. “Why doesn’t your mother know?”

“We didn’t really have a close relationship to begin with, and only during the trial and when I got sent to prison did we start repairing our relationship.” Louis shrugs. “Plus my mom feels guilty for what happened to me…what she let happen. I know somewhere in the back of her mind she is probably thinking about how if only she had noticed what was happening to me, if only she hadn’t walked away when she walked in on her boyfriend raping me then maybe things would be different, maybe I would be different.

Maybe I wouldn’t have chosen the path I chose. I wouldn’t have led the life I led. And I wouldn’t have been sent to prison only to be passed around and had like a…joint or cigarette, having the other prisoners playing puff and pass with me.”

Louis smiles even though it is painfully obvious that it is fake as Kim K’s ass, but he’s trying to be strong that’s what counts. “So yeah, I call my friends very now and then to let them know that I’m okay because they’re my people.”

“You’re lucky you have people.” Zayn says enviously.

“You have people too Zayn. You have me.”

Zayn looks at Louis, all Bambi eyed. Louis smile warmly.

“We should go out.” Louis says. “Yeah, we should go out and see, New York, that’s how we’re going to spend our Christmas, out in the city that never sleeps, with snow falling down on us and hot chocolate to keep us warm.” He nods his head determinedly and stands up holding his hand out to Zayn to take. 

“We’re going out, come on let’s go bundle up.” 

“I can’t afford to go out, whatever little money I have left in my bank account pays for this place. My father only paid for one year and now I have to pay for this year and that alone took a good chunk of my money and I don’t know how long I’m going to be here for, so I can’t go out.” Zayn shrugs. “I need every cent I have so I can’t afford to go out not even to buy hot chocolate.”

Louis’ heart breaks a little. “That’s okay, it’s on me.”

“You really don’t have to…”

“I want to, you’re one of my people now and I’m yours.”

END OF FLASHBACK

 

“Zayn.” Louis grabs Zayn’s arm and pulls him into a hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise what I was doing. Of course you’re included in my Christmas plans.”

Zayn sighs. “You really don’t have to…”

Louis pulls back from the hug and look Zayn in the eyes and echoes his words from when he was in the centre. “I want to, you’re one of my people now and I’m yours.”

*****

Louis is bouncing his leg nervously on the hospital floor. He was called in fifteen minutes ago and asked to come in, it was said that it is important. Now he’s sitting outside of Alana’s room, scrubbed in, and nervous as hell.

“Louis.” Dr Daniel beams at him while walking…well really skipping down the hall to him in his navy blue scrubs that complement his eyes and halo of his honey curls that are growing back out.

“Hey you,” Louis says in greeting and Daniel picks him up and spins him around startling a laugh out of Louis. “You’re in a good mood.”

“Of course I am, but I’m in an even better mood now that you’re here.” And with that he plants one on Louis, not caring if anyone sees.

Louis flushed when they part from the kiss. “What was that for?”

“Just.” Dr Daniel shrugs. “What are you doing tonight?”

Louis shrugs. “I don’t have any plans, unless you wanna do something tonight?”

“I was thinking we could go out and celebrate.”

Louis raises a questioning brow. “Celebrate what?”

“It’s a surprise, you’ll find out soon enough.” 

Daniel kisses him again before Louis can question him, and Louis well he just goes with it. Things have been good between him and Daniel, they’ve been going on dates and getting to know each other, and all that can be said about it is so far so good, Louis can’t complain. 

Daniel and Louis break the kiss when someone clears their throat to grab their attention. Dr Kingsley, head of Paediatrics a.k.a Daniel’s superior was standing there with matching navy blue scrubs and white coat looking at them with a raised eyebrow; and standing alongside him, Harry.

“Dr Sharman.” Dr Kingsley addresses firmly, reprimanding. 

Daniel clears his throat and steps out of his and Louis’ embrace. “Dr Kingsley.” He greets sheepishly. “Mr Styles.”

Harry nods his greeting with a lacklustre smile, his eyes shifting to Louis briefly before meeting the floor.

“Mr Tomlinson thank you for coming, I apologise for summoning you here without giving you a reason.”

Louis shakes his head. “It’s okay, I was planning on coming in today anyway.” Louis bites his lip nervously. “is everything okay, why are we here?”

Dr Kingsley tilts his head towards Alana’s room. “Let’s go find out. After you.”

When Harry and Louis enter Alana’s room it takes them a moment to realise that she no longer has the NG tube taped to her nose and that she is looking a lot better than the previous visits.

“Wait, where’s her tube?” Harry is the one to point out.

Both doctors smiles at this question and finally give the awaiting parents the good news. 

“She doesn’t need it.” Dr Kingsley says. “Not anymore.”

“What does that mean?” It’s Louis that asks this time.

Dr Kingsley is about to answer But, Daniel, beats him to it. “It means she’s getting better. It means you get to take her home.” He informs excitedly, mainly addressing Louis.

A pregnant pause passes, Harry and Louis, not quiet believing their ears.

“We get to take her home.” Harry says breathlessly, his eyes landing on a peacefully sleeping Alana.

“Yes, you’ll be able to take her home by week end.” Dr Kingsley informs. “We’re going to treat her as an outpatient. She’ll have regular appointments she will have to come in for; her immune system is still recovering meaning for the next year or two she will be tired and won’t get to do much other than sleep. Also she will be susceptible to infection, bacterial infection being the main concern, so she will have to avoid certain activities and she will be placed on a strict low bacteria diet. 

“We’ll have the nurse assigned to your case print out all of the information you need to know for you. But what is important and what you always need to remember is that she needs to be in a sterile environment I cannot stress that enough. Everything needs to be clean around her.”

Louis puffs his cheeks, feeling overwhelmed. “We might as well go ahead and put her in a bubble then.” He jokes.

Dr Kingsley smiles warmly. “That would be an ideal solution, but at the end of the day she’s a child going through something frightening and lonely and she will need as much human contact as possible to let her know that she’s not alone. That being said, make sure to always wash your hands before handling her. Always”

“So, clean house. Clean hands.” Harry comments, 

“That will be your new motto, yes.”

Harry nods, biting the cushion that is his bottom lip. His eyes dart over to Louis who catches his eye and they both divert their eyes elsewhere.

“So, do you want me to send over my cleaning crew to keep both our houses clean or do you prefer to use your own.” Harry asks Louis.

“Oh, um… yours is fine, I don’t mi…”  
“I’m sorry, houses?” Dr Kingsley comments with concern. “As in two separate homes?”

“Yes, they don’t live together.” Dr Daniel informs.

“Is that going to be a problem?” Harry asks noting Dr Kingsley’s frown.

“Not really, but ideally it would be wise for, Alana, to stay in either one of your houses without having to move around too much. It’s like I said she’s at high risk of contracting an infection, so her going from house to house and getting exposed to the outside where there’s dust and germs in the air increases that risk.”

“Oh,” Both Harry and Louis say.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t, it is your decision in the end and I supposed she can always wear a mask while she’s outside, but my medical advice is you both need to decide whose house she will be staying for the duration of her recovery.”

Both Dr Daniel and Kingsley’s beepers go off and the doctors look down at the devices simultaneously.

“Duty calls.” Dr Kingsley mumbles to himself. “Think about what I said please, the nurse at the front will give you all the information you will need to prepare for Alana’s recovery.”

Both Louis and Harry mumble their thank you’.

“I’ll see you at the end of the week when you take, Alana, home.” Dr Kingsley nods and looks to Daniel. “Dr Sharman?”

“I’m right behind you.”

Dr Kingsley leaves the room and Daniel pulls Louis to the side so they can have some semblance of privacy. Louis still smiles uncomfortably though because one thing he knows about, Daniel, is that he is crazy affectionate and PDA does not bother him at all. Which any other day would be fine, but there’s the small issue of, Harry, being on the other side of the room standing over Alana’s bed, and not forgetting the big assed elephant in the room.

“So, what do you say, tonight, celebratory dinner?” Daniel stares at Louis hopefully whilst biting his bottom lip nervously.

“Oh, um…”

“Unless you would rather celebrate the good news with your friends and family first, which is fine we can always have dinner tomorrow.”

Louis shakes his head. “No. no, dinner tonight is fine.” Daniel beams. “besides knowing Liam, he’ll want to cook an extravagant meal to celebrate and if I asked to celebrate tonight then he’ll complain that it is too short notice.”

Daniel beams. “Great, so I’ll see you tonight? Pick you up?”

Louis nods and Daniel leans down and kisses him.

Their kiss is interrupted once again by the door slamming shut in Harry’s departure. Daniel raises an eyebrow. “I hope we didn’t make him uncomfortable.”

Louis chuckles humourlessly, his eyes drifting to the door in want to go after, Harry. Daniel’s beeper goes off once again and he sighs heavily, steeping away from, Louis, reluctantly.

“I really need to get going.” Daniel starts walking backwards towards the door. “emergency.” He explains.

Louis smiles. “Go save lives Dr Sharman.”

Daniel gives him a boyish smile. “See you tonight.”

Daniel leaves, his beeper going off again. Louis spares a glance to, Alana, before deciding to go after Harry. He finds him at the front desk, or rather reception area of Pedes, tapping his foot impatiently as the nurse he doesn’t recognise prints out what, Louis, is assuming is the “after care” information packages Dr Kingsley was referring to.

Louis clears his throat and the only response he gets from Harry is his shoulders tensing up even further than they already are. 

“How much longer is this going to take?” Harry asks the nurse, tone short. 

Louis looks to the nurse who by the looks of it is looking a little overwhelmed and frazzled.  
Louis feels sorry for her.

“I’m sorry Mr Styles, the printer has been giving us problems the whole week.” The nurse explains.

Harry huffs. “Dr Kingsley said the packages would already be ready all I had to do is pick them up.” Harry narrows his eyes. “From the nurse assigned to our case.”

The nurse swallows nervously. “Nurse Betty (AN: yes I went there) was just called to an emergency, and she didn’t say anything about packages.”

Harry scoffs. “Well then…”

Louis cuts him off. “Lay off Harry.”

Harry, of course, ignores him and goes back to tapping his foot impatiently. Louis rolls his eyes. “Really, you’re ignoring me.”

Harry continues to do just that and Louis sighs. The nurse starts separating the printed pages in two stakes, one for Louis and one for Harry. 

“Harry we need to talk.” Louis says, biting the bullet.

Harry snorts and looks over his shoulder at Louis. “Oh really, about what exactly?” He asks pointedly.  
Louis looks down to the ground knowing Harry is referring to “that night” and his attitude is probably because Louis has been ignoring him since. “Alana obviously.”

Harry is about to say something when the printer suddenly starts beeping, and the nurse curses under her breathe when she sees the words “out of paper” flashing on the printers screen. She looks over at them sheepishly before rushing off to presumably get paper.

“This is ridiculous.” Harry says, reaching over and grabbing his stapled info package then proceeding to storm to the elevators.

Louis rushes after him, his own package in his hand. “Harry please, we really need to talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about!” Harry snaps. “Alana is going to stay with me, it’s the most obvious choice. My house is home to her, it’s familiar and that’s what she needs right now.”

“Really, that’s it, choice made? We’re not even going to discuss it.” Louis says incredulously. 

“If you have a problem with it Louis, then I’ll call the mediator and we’ll discuss it then.”

Harry jabs at the elevator call button repeatedly. He sighs, frustrated. “I’ll take the stairs.”

It is only when another nurse has put in paper into the printer; and Harry and Louis have gone, that the final pages of their packages is printed out.

****

Daniel and Louis are halfway through their date, both laughing at something one or the other said, drinks and conversation flowing. It’s nice. But Louis is a little restless and can’t stop looking to the door every now and then.

“Do you have to be somewhere?” Daniel finally asks, after catching Louis eyeing the door again.

Louis startles. “Um, no I don’t.”

Daniel quirks an eyebrow. “Then why do you keep looking at the door?”

“It’s…” Louis squirms uncomfortably in his seat. 

“Yeah?”

Louis sighs heavily. “I keep expecting Harry to walk through the door.”

“Oook, I’ll try not to take offence to that?” Daniel says, aiming for a teasing tone but it falls short.

“No, no, no no,” he waves his hands frantically, almost knocking his wine glass over. “It’s his restaurant, we’re in Harry’s restaurant that’s why I keep expecting him to walk in, even though it’s not possible because it is his week with, Ezra, tonight. Problem is we had a tiff earlier on and I’m on edge because of it and I really would rather not run into him.”

Daniel doesn’t say anything just takes a sip of his drink, but Louis can tell from the look on his face that there is something on his mind. “What is it?”

“What’s the deal between you two?” Daniel asks bluntly.

“The deal?”

“Yeah Like—what’s your story?”

Louis swallows nervously. Looking down at his plate of half eaten food. “I don’t understand.’

“There’s tension between the two of you. It’s intense, it’s palpable. And I guess I’m just wondering about the story behind it, is it because of a bad break-up or…” Daniel trails off.

“Or?”

Daniel sighs. He runs his hand down his face, nervous eyes shifting to Louis. “Or if there’s still some feelings there.” 

“Oh,” Louis exclaims.

Daniel groans, covering his face with his hands out of embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be asking, I really shouldn’t. The thing is, I’ve been wondering about this for a while now and things between you and I have been going great, plus I really really like you, Louis.” He rambles. “And I should be content with that, but I’m just always going to wonder if the tension I can feel between you and Harry is because of a break-up or because there are feelings there still.”

Louis is at a loss for words. How does he even begin giving Daniel answers when he is not even sure himself? This is all just a disaster.

“I um.” Louis shakes his head. “I don’t know what to say to that, I don’t know where to even begin”

“At the risk of sounding like a cliché. How about the beginning?”

“The beginning. Right.” Louis swallows. “Well…”

“THIS ISN’T HOW YOU TREAT CUSTOMERS!!!”

Louis head whips around so fast at the sound of a clearly drunken, Nick, that if he had moved any faster his head would have flown off. Pretty much every head in the restaurant turns like meerkats, looking on at the scene that is playing out.

“Rights of admission reserved sir. You need to leave.” Security says to, Nick.

“Rights of admi—do you know who I am?” Nick shout incredulously.

“Yes sir we do, and we’ve been instructed to show you the door, should you ever show your face because you are no longer welcome.”  
Nick scoffs. “Where’s Harry, I need to talk to him, he’ll sort this mess out!” Nick tries to move past security to go to the offices. “Harry!”

Security blocks him, of course. “Sir, if you do not leave right this second I will have no choice but to physically remove you from the premises.” Security threatens, tone inching on fed up.

Nick huffs, glaring the security down. “Fine! I’ll leave but mark my words; I’ll have your job for this.”

Nick makes to leave but he catches Louis’ eye in his peripheral. Louis swears under his breathe, ducking down hoping Nick will just continue on his way, although the sinking feeling in his stomach is telling him otherwise.

“You have got to be kidding me, what is that thing doing here?!”

Louis winces with every step Nick takes towards their table. The security steps right behind his. Daniel looks at Louis with a horrified look on his face.

“Oh god I think he is coming this way.” Daniel’s eyes widen. “Oh crap, he’s definitely coming this way.”

“We should go,” Louis says, panicked. “Yeah let’s go.”

Louis takes his wallet out and throws money on the table, covering both he and Daniel’s meal, ignoring Daniel’s protesting that he’s the one who invited Louis to dinner he should pay for the meal.

“You’ll get it next time.” Louis says, grabbing Daniel’s hand and going in the opposite direction as far away from Nick as possible. Power walking between tables to get to the exit. Nick’s not having it.

“Hey, Tomlinson!” Nick bellows. “I see you you know.”

“Louis, what’s going on, who’s that man?” Daniel asks, trying to keep up with Louis as they walk out the door.

“He’s uh…it’s complicated.” Louis stops, looking around. “Where did you park your car again?”

“It’s…”

Louis cuts Daniel off with a shake of his head. “Never mind we’ll just grab a taxi.”

Louis starts dragging Daniel up the block but Daniel digs his feet in stopping him from going on further. Louis looks over his shoulder at, Daniel, with a panicked look in his eyes. 

“Louis, talk to me, what the hell is going on, who is that man?”

“Yes, Louis.” Nick sneers. “Who is that man? Although I think the better question is who the hell is this poor son of a bitch and what is he doing with a piece of shit like you?”

Daniel glares at Nick. “Excuse me?” Daniel stands in front of Louis protectively. “You want to repeat that?”

Nick look over Daniel’s shoulder at Louis then back at Daniel, taking note off his stance, out of nowhere he throws his head back and starts laughing obnoxiously.

“Oh this is classic, this is just classic. I’ve gotta hand it to you, Tomlinson, you’re good, you are really good.” He doubles over, slapping his knee as he continues laughing.

Daniel look at him like he’s grown a second head. “What is wrong with you?”

“Daniel, let’s just go, please.” Louis begs, grasping Daniel’s forearm

“Daniel is it, haven’t I seen your face before?”

Daniel looks puzzled. “Um, I don’t know, I guess—maybe in passing or if you’ve been in the hospital…”

Nick snaps his fingers. “You’re one of the doctors. Wow, Tomlinson, moved on to doctors have you, no more businessman for you.” He sneers. “Figured doctors are less likely to send your gold digging arse back to jail.”

Nick is pinned to wall before he knows it, with Daniel staring him down. “Don’t you ever, ever talk him like that again.” Daniel’s says, tone dark and threatening.

“I’m just stating the truth. He’s a gold digging whore, a con-artist. Harry, was one of his victims, so were his four husbands.” He nods in Louis’ direction. “Ask him if you don’t believe me. Ask Harry or better yet, Google him: Louis Tomlinson con-artist.”

“Y—you’re lying.” Daniel protests half-heartedly.

“Am I? You’ve got to admit his silence is speaking volumes right now.” 

Daniel takes a step back from Nick, letting go of his shirt he had him by and turning to look at Louis with questioning eyes; his heart breaking a little when he sees the shame and humiliation written on Louis’ face. “He’s lying right, tell me he is lying.”

“Daniel,” Louis chokes out.

“You’re victim number six in case you were wondering. Only difference between you and his other victims is he’s using his dying child to reel you in.”

Nick looks to Louis with a gleam of deviltry in his eyes, and smirks. “Tit for tat.”

And with that Nick walks away leaving destruction in his wake. 

Louis doesn’t see a way to fix this, not with the way Daniel is looking at him; like all of those people in the court room some two three years ago during this trial. All of them judging him. All of them disgusted by him.  
Louis smiles sadly, wetly, sheepishly at Daniel and then shrugs. “I told you I wasn’t a good person”

Daniel shakes his head in disbelief. “That’s all you’re going to say for yourself? You’re not even going to try to…talk your way out of it, you’re not even going to try and explain yourself?”

“To what end? You’re already looking at me differently.”

“So it’s true then you’re…you…” he can’t seem to finish his sentence without choking on his words.

Louis bites his lip, shoulders slumping in defeat. “You can’t even say it.” Louis chuckles humourlessly. “Yes, it’s true, I used to be a con-artist but I’m not anymore. I’ve changed.”

Daniel laughs and it’s cold. Mocking. Louis hates it.

“I have, I’ve changed. I got sent to prison — I paid for my crimes, “Louis chokes out. “Trust me, I’ve paid for them and I lost my children in the process, but I’ve changed, I swear.”

Louis reaches out to Daniel but he recoils from his touch, taking a step back with a shake of his head. “Don’t! I can’t even…” the blank look he gives Louis, is enough to let Louis know, to let anyone who is watching the scene unfolding know that they are over. 

With a shake of his head he walks away, leaving Louis standing on the side of the road, alone, defeated.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready two chapters coming right up. enjoy my darlings.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Louis wakes up in the comfort of Zayn’s arms as he has done for the past week since the epic break-up. He feels pathetic, because he’s reduced to lying in bed, not in the mood to face the world, and wallowing.

And god, he’d hoped he would be in a better mood today. It is after all D- day.

Alana is coming home and Harry is picking her up. He’s probably already done it, and Louis is supposed to go over to Harry’s to meet up with them at midday.

He obviously would have loved to be there to pick her up but, Harry, insisted he could do it alone. Louis wasn’t in the mood to fight so he just gave in. Plus, there a bright side to not having to go to the hospital; he won’t have to run into, Daniel.

By the time Zayn wakes up, Louis, has showered already and is nursing his second cup of tea while staring blankly at the TV screen.

“Hey,” Zayn croaks in greeting and proceeds to drop himself on the sofa almost making, Louis, spill his tea. “Sorry.”

Louis shakes his head and smiles down at Zayn who decided to use Louis’ lap as a pillow. “Morning.”

“Feeling better today?” Zayn inquires and Louis shrugs noncommittally in reply.

After a while.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

Zayn sighs and sits up. “Are you going to tell, Harry, about you and Daniel?”

Louis frowns. “I don’t see how that is any of his business.”

“Personally, it isn’t. But, Daniel, is Alana’s doctor and you and Harry are going to have to take her in for her check-ups; what then? Do you honestly think, Harry, is not going to notice that something is different between you and Daniel?” Zayn reasons. “Do you think he’s not going to notice the sudden cold reception? You think he’s not going to be concerned?”

He makes sense. Louis, knows Zayn is making a lot of sense right now, but he refuses to heed his warning at this point in time.  
Zayn can tell that from the stubborn set in Louis’ jaw that he’s not going to cave, that he is taking whatever he is saying with a pinch of salt, and it frustrates him so much. He loves Louis don’t get him wrong, but god sometimes he can be frustrating.

“Do you want what’s best for your daughter?”

He stepped over the line there a little he knows he did, and the cold glare, Louis, fixes him with for stepping over that metaphorical line feels like a jagged icicle in his heart. 

“Stupid question I know you do,” Zayn tries to remedy. “it’s just—don’t you think it’s best that you and Harry work on talking more, work on communicating more, because no offence but you two are shit at it. And I know I’m not a parent, so I have no right to give advice but…Lou, if you two are going to be co-parents to two children…one of them whom is sick, then you need to learn to talk more, for the sake of the twins.”

 

****  
Louis can see the obvious change having, Alana, home has over, Harry. And it’s only been minutes since he arrived at the house. He was greeted at the door by, Muriel, the twins’ sitter, along with a number of boxes sitting at the front door, some of which contained Harry’s clothes.

“Mr Tomlinson, it’s nice to see you again.”

“You too, Muriel.” Louis greets back distractedly, his eyes on the boxes. “these are Harry’s things.” He states, walking over to the boxes and looking through them.

“They were my things and now I’m giving them to, Muriel, to give to her two teen boys.”

Louis spins around on his heels and is met with a...smiling Harry? A glowing Harry. A happy Harry.

“They’re going through their growth spurt; they’re growing out of their clothes faster than I can buy them.” Muriel explains.

“And these?” Louis says going through a box labelled toiletries, filled with bars of soap, body foam, shampoos, etc.

“I’m getting rid of all my toiletries, replacing them with anti-bacterial ones.” Louis lifts a bottle of lotion up with a raised brow and Harry shrugs. “I’m not leaving anything to chance.”

Harry claps his hands and throws an arm over Muriel’s shoulder, leading her to the staircase. “I think, Nick, left some of his suits, you can have them. The boys can wear them at school dance, or job interviews.”

“But aren’t Mr Grimshaws’s suits custom made designer suits?”  
Harry smirks. “Even better, and if the boys don’t like them you get to sell them.” Harry looks over his shoulder at Louis. “the twins are upstairs in the nursery, they’re sleeping but you can go in. Don’t forget to wash your hands though.”

Harry and Muriel disappear from sight before, Louis, can reply. Louis takes a step toward the stairs but something catches the corner of his eye. He walks towards the open box on the floor next to the sofa, inside, the thing that caught his attention, a lavender sweater.

He recalls wearing it for the first time and, Harry, calling him cute, even though Louis thought the sweater swallowed him up and made him look rumpled. He also recalls Harry making a passing comment about how: “…if you look cute now, I can’t wait to see you in a Christmas sweater.

Obviously things went to shit before that day could ever come to see the light of day.

Louis looks to see if anyone is looking, when he is sure the coast is clear, and not knowing why, he takes of his heavy coat, jumper and puts on the lavender sweater, then continues to cover it up with the jumper.

 

****

So it seems, Harry, has gone all out. Not only has he replaced all his products with anti-bacterial ones; he has also somehow managed to install “touch-free” soap dispensers in all the bathrooms in the house, including the kitchen/s, along with “hand- free” paper towel dispensers, all in a space of the week. The only thing Louis has managed to do is make sure he has pocket hand wipes and hand sanitizer on his person at ready.

Did I mention there are hand wipes and hand sanitizers in all of the rooms? And I do mean all.

Louis closes the door to the nursery, having just put both Alana and Ezra to sleep after feeding them.

Oh, he feels light on his feet, his spirits lifted and heart soaring. He thinks back on the day he’s had with his twins. Mind you Alana was a little fussy, as most sick children are, but getting to spend time with her and Ezra all at once, feeding them and rocking them to sleep was worth all the banshee like screeching and tears.

Louis looks at the time and realises it is well past eight pm and he hasn’t had anything to eat since breakfast. Hardly noticed his hunger or the time until now.  
Louis makes his way downstairs with the intent of finding, Harry, and letting him know he’s leaving, but, Jesus, the smell of whatever, Harry, is making has, Louis, salivating.

He lets his nose lead him to the kitchen almost like he’s in a trace, he doesn’t realise he has made to the kitchen until, Harry, turns around with a bottle of wine in hands and nearly drops it when he sees Louis standing there not having expected him to be there.

“Jesus! Fuck you scared me.” Harry exclaims.

“Sorry.” Louis prepares himself to tell Harry he is on his way, and really enquire about what Harry is cooking when his stomach growls incredibly loud. “Oh god.” He says instead, mortified.

Harry laughs, as in eyes tearing up, full belly laughs and, Louis, doesn’t know what to do with that. 

“It’s not that funny.” He grumbles. Cheeks still coloured with embarrassment, and the only courtesy, Harry, gifts him is to squeeze his mouth shut and laugh silently. 

Louis rolls his eyes. “I just put the twins to sleep, so I’m going to head home now.”

“Oh,” Harry comments, eyes shifting uncertainly to the two long stemmed glasses and empty plates. “you’re…that’s…” he shrugs. “it’s just I cooked enough for two and I thought, you might want to join me.”

Only then does, Louis, notice the extra plate and glasses set out.

“It’s just—you hardly left the twins’ side and I’m pretty sure you didn’t have lunch…” Harry trails off awkwardly.

“Oh…uh.” 

“You don’t have to say yes, obviously.”

“What did you make?”

“Chicken parmesan.” Harry declares. He takes the two glasses and wine and hands them to, Louis.

“You can take these to the living room so long, we’ll eat in there.” Harry instructs and Louis nods.

He heads to the main living room, leaving, Harry, to dish up for them. He is greeted with a dimly lit room, fireplace roaring with fire that feels up the room with welcoming heat. To anyone outside looking in this whole set up would look like, Harry, was romancing him and well Louis wouldn’t blame them; but he knows that this is just typical Harry.

Harry told Louis once that he found the fire soothing, the sight of it, and the heat. And Louis joked that, Harry, might have an arsonist complex he might not know about, he even played Harry, Hozier’s, Arsonist lullaby, and everything.

“There are left overs if you want seconds.” Harry informs, Louis. He sets the food down on the table and proceeds to throw the pillow on the ground and sitting down on it.

Louis’ mouth waters instantly at the sight and smell of the food. He moans, rather loudly, in pleasure at the first bite; dammit he’s forgotten what good a cook, Harry, is.  
And, OH MY GOD! Did he really just make that sound?

He can feel Harry’s eyes on him along with the deep blush creeping up his neck, ears and cheeks. He opens his eyes slowly and they connect with Harry’s eyes, those fucking eyes. Louis’ stomach burns with need, a feeling he never thought he would ever experience again, not after everything but somehow, Harry, seems to bring it out of him. And it doesn’t help when a scene from that night he threw himself at Harry flashes past his mind’s eye.

He chokes on his food, Harry, hands him his wine. Louis takes it gratefully and gulps it down.

“Thank you.” He croaks out.

“You alright?”

Louis nods. “food went down the wrong pipe.”

“Mmm.”

There’re a bit of an awkward silence then Harry clears his throat and looks away. They eat in silence, Louis, trying to keep his noises of appreciation to himself as he shovels food in his mouth.

“So the twins’ birthday is next week.” Harry says.

“I know.” 

“Sooo, you got any plans, anything special planned for your first birthday with the twins?”

Louis beams. “Just getting to spend their birthday with them is more special.”

Harry’s smile dims a little from a twinge of guilt. “Well, you’ll be happy to know that I will be out of your hair for most of the day.”

“Oh?”

“I have a few things to wrap up before the insanity that is the festive season, plus I finally have a shortlist of possible candidates to step in for me.”

“Wait, you were actually serious about stepping down and letting someone run the restaurants?” Louis asks, not able to hide his surprise.

Harry chews his food thoughtfully before answering. “It has been a long time coming.”

“What about your father? Aren’t you no longer worried about him turning over in his grave at the thought of an outsider running the family business, your legacy?”

“My father will get over it, besides, I’m hiring someone to take on the work load I can no longer burden myself with, workload that took up most of my time. I’m not selling the restaurants. There’ll still be a legacy, for the twins.”

“And what if like you they don’t want it?” Louis broaches.

Harry is quiet for a moment and then—“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

****

 

“Seriously mum, it’s okay. They’re too young to remember and you guys can come over next year and celebrate the twin’s birthday with us.”

Louis steps out of the twin’s nursery, having just sang them both to sleep for their afternoon nap and gently closing the door, baby monitor in hand. He makes his way to the guest bedroom and proceeds to throw himself on the bed, exhaustion settling into his bones.

 

Jay sighs on the other end of the line. “I know, I just would have loved to celebrate your first birthday with the twins with you; not to mention them celebrating your birthday with you for the first time and don’t even get me started on your first Christmas and New Year.”

Louis laughs, moving about to make himself comfortable. “I know I’m so excited, I never thought I would ever get the chance to do this. I never thought in a million years I’d get to see them again and hold them.” He sniffs. “Crap.”

Jay coos. “Are you crying?”

“Yeah.” Louis laughs wetly. “Mum, I really thought they were lost to me forever.”

“Oh, Boo, see now you’re making me cry.” Jay says, blowing her nose into the receiver.

“Ew, mum.” They both laugh.

“Go on tell me how’s your little precious flower doing?” 

“So far, so good. She’s a little fussy mind you and demands most of our attention over, Ezra, but yeah—” Louis shrugs. 

“I thought the doctors said it was likely she would sleep through most of the day for the next year or so.”

“She does, but when she’s awake she’s just a hand full, I mean she’s sick or recovering or whatever, so it’s to be expected.” Louis runs a hand down his face. “the only one who can seem to settle her is, Harry.”

There’s a beat of silence, an awkward one at that.

“Hello?”

“And how’s things between you two? He’s not making things difficult for you is he?”

“No, he’s…he’s been great actually, very accommodating which is a surprise considering how we’d left things.” Louis lets slip.

“How you left things?” Jay asks curiously.

“Um, it’s nothing, forget I said anything.” 

“Louis.”

“It’s nothing, I promise.” He flicks his wrist, looking at the time, figuring he has some time to catch some shut eye. “Um mum listen, I’m knackered and I have a couple of hours before the twins wake up, so I’m going to use it to catch up on some sleep, so.”

Jay sighs. “Fine, I know a dismissal when I see one. Take care of yourself okay, and those precious children.”

“I will.” Louis says, yawning towards the end. “Bye mum.”

“Bye, Love.”

****

Louis wakes with a start and groggy from sleep. He lays there for a moment, mind still foggy as he tries to comprehend the feeling that he’s supposed to be doing or checking on something. 

It’s only when he lifts his wrist to check the time that reads 18:27 that he realises that, HOLY SHIT, he slept longer than he intended to and, FUCK, the twins.

He jumps out of bed and runs to the nursery, nearly tripping over his own socked feet, the room is empty when he gets there, and yep he’s panicking.  
He gets down on his knees to look under the cribs, thinking maybe the twins maybe somehow found a way to climb out, they are after all getting big, but nope no twins there.

He stands up fisting his hair in frustration and panic. He looks to the door realising it was open when he ran in unlike when he left it earlier on.  
So he makes his way down the stairs in a hurry not being cautious at all about the steps his taking, so it doesn’t come as a surprise really when he trips and fall down the last few steps, twisting his ankle.

“AHHHH!!!” he cries out, bringing his leg up to his chest and cradling his injured foot.

“Louis?” Harry calls out, coming from the living room entrance, he gasps when he sees, Louis, in pain on the floor in a fetal position. “Louis!” 

He runs over to him. “What happened?”

“I—I was running and I—fell down the stairs.” Louis’ faces pinches in pain. “I think I sprained my ankle.”

Harry looks down at his socked ankle. “I need to check if it’s swollen, is that ok?”

Louis bites down on his bottom lip as he nods his head hesitantly. Harry reaches down, making sure to be gentle with taking off, Louis’ sock. “Sorry,” he mutters when, Louis, whimpers. He winces when he sees the foot. “Yeah, it’s swelling. You should ice that.”

And with that being said, Harry, promptly lifts, Louis, of the ground startling him. “What are you doing?”

Harry doesn’t say anything he just carries him to the couch and gently puts him down on the corner chaise. He proceeds to grab a pillow and lifts, Louis’ foot and places the pillow under it. “I’ll get some ice.”

As soon as, Harry, is out of the room, a high pitched cry startles, Louis. His head whips in the direction the noise came from and is met with the sight of Ezra’s eyes looking at him through the railing of play pen, and oh my god his heart absolutely melts at the sight of what his little angel is wearing.

He carefully gets up, standing on one foot, he hops his way over to the play pan—and yes there it is, heart melting.

Ezra is wearing a, Eeyore, onsie, mittens and all to keep his little hands warm and alongside him a sleepy, Alana, is wearing a, Piglet, onsie and they both just look adorable.

“Aww, look at you two,” Louis coos. “You’re so precious.”

“Aren’t they though.” Harry comments directly behind him, scaring him. Louis, practically jumps out of his bones, he loses his balance falling back onto Harry’s hard (cough yummy cough) chest. Harry wraps his arms around him to keep him steady.

“You shouldn’t be standing.” Harry scolds him, whispering the words into his ear. 

Louis inhales sharply, shivers running down his spine. Harry tenses behind him and the next thing Louis knows, Harry, moves away from him like just coming into contact with him burns. Louis almost loses his balances again, but steadies himself just in time.

“Sorry,” Harry says with a unreadable look on his face. “I shouldn’t have done that—I shouldn’t have invaded your space like that.”

And well, is that a kick in the gut that Louis feels? Harry’s words shouldn’t be able to make him feel that way, but they do. And once again the elephant is back in the room and Louis will admit this much, he did not miss it.  
Louis hops his way to the couch were, Harry, is already sitting and waiting. Louis resumes his previous position. 

“I dug out one of my ankle braces for you.” Harry places said item on Louis’ lap. “You should put it on after you’re done icing your foot, it will help.”

Louis nods his reply, flinching when Harry carefully places an ice-pack on his foot. “The twins and I already ate.” He nods his head in the general direction of the table. “That’s yours.” 

Louis looks at the Nandos takeaway bag that wasn’t there before and then back at Harry who has moved to the other end (further end) of the couch, closer to the kids. “Thanks.” Louis says and Harry nods.

There’s a beat of awkward silence that hasn’t been there since Alana came home a couple weeks ago. Louis bites down on his lip, cursing himself for reacting to Harry being that close to him the way he did. It’s so stupid.

“What?”

“What, what?” Louis asks and Harry frowns.

“You just said it’s so stupid and I just asked what is.”

“Oh.” Louis blushes, he hadn’t realised he’d voiced his thoughts out loud. “I was just thinking that, this whole thing between us is stupid that’s all.”

“What thing?” Harry asks with forced nonchalance that Louis already knows he knows what he is referring to.

“This tension, this…thing.”

“I still don’t know what you mean.” Harry says stubbornly and Louis huffs, frustrated.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” Louis raises his voice and Harry glares at him. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have thrown myself at you like that, not for the reasons I did. And I shouldn’t have run off and avoided you after like you were the one in the wrong.”

Harry keeps quiet. Louis continues.

“You have every right to be angry with me. You have every right to treat me like crap.” Louis laughs dryly. “You and I, we have a history that’s so very complicated and most of it is based on lies from both our ends, lies and hurt…hate.” Louis sigh. “There’s just some lines you and I can never cross ever again.”

He looks at, Harry, who’s gaze is fixed on twins and his shoulders tense. He sighs again not knowing if his words are being heard or not. “You and I can try for friendship, I mean we’re co-parenting the least we can do is be friends right?” he says hopefully.

Harry turns to look at him with an impassive expression, his eyes assessing him and the words he breathes out leave Louis a little shaken.

“I hear you Louis, I really do. But you and I could never be friends.” Harry states with certainty.

“Oh…well I…” Harry cuts him off.

“We can try for civil but not friendship. Let’s face it our relationship has always either been hateful or passionate and sometimes a little bit of both. And it is just as exhilarating as it is exhausting and it would be nice to just find middle ground and set up camp, a middle ground to balance it all out but we do not have that.” He sighs. “It’s hate and passion, and the scale can only fall one way or the other,”


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

 

“Yes, of course, you guys are invited. I would love for you guys to celebrate my birthday with me and Zayn.” Louis says to Liam, switching his phone from one ear to the other. “Although be warned if you’re planning on bringing plus ones, it won’t be a party or anything big like that, just dinner, couple beers, maybe movies and games.”

Louis laughs at something said on the other end of the line. “Ok, I’ll see you guys tonight, love you, bye.” Louis hangs up and pockets his cell.

He observes the chaotic paediatric floor and is curious to know what has got everyone so frantic. “Things are a little crazy today aren’t they?”

Harry who is sitting on the chair besides Louis makes a noise of acknowledgement. “It’s flu season. It gets chaotic like this every year around this time.”

Harry explains, readjusting Alana’s oxygen mask that was given to her by a nurse, to prevent her from breathing in the contaminated air from all the coughing and sneezing around them.  
Harry sighs heavily. “She hates this thing,” Harry comments, noting the way Alana keeps trying to take the mask off. “I wish they’d hurry up already, so they can take this thing of and I can take her home.”

“Yeah.” Louis agrees.

After a beat. “So, what are the chances of Dr Daniel Sharman, tending to our daughter first if you shoot him a text?”

Louis tenses up. “Oh, I um.” He fumbles with his words as he shifts uncomfortable in his chair. 

Harry laughs. “I was joking relax.”

“Ha ha.” Louis fake laughs earning a funny look from Harry.

Louis averts his eyes as he begins to tap his foot nervously on the ground. He’d almost forgotten that this would be the first time he and Daniel see each other since the break-up some two/three weeks ago. The twins and the Harry drama have been a nice distraction, keeping his mind preoccupied and not allowing him to think about Daniel. But alas, all good things must come to an end.

“So, it’s Christmas eve.” Harry comments. 

“Mhmm.”

“Your birthday.”

“Yep, I’m getting closer to that big three zero.”

An awkwardness falls on them. Louis continues tapping his foot nervously, occasionally looking around whenever he sees blue scrubs approaching or rounding the corner.  
Harry is mostly half-assing playing Tetris on his phone, wanting to inquire about Louis’ plans but not certain if he is allowed to ask or if he wants to know, because obviously he won’t be a part of those plans and that may or may not sting a little. Oh well.  
Their turn finally comes and they are attended to by Dr Kingsley. “It’s okay, little princess I’m almost done.” Dr Kingsley says trying to comfort a walling Alana as he removes the needle from her arm and putting a plaster in its place. “There you go my darling, all done.”

“I hate this,” Harry comments as he holds Alana close to his chest and rubs her back to sooth her crying.

Dr Kingsley smiles sympathetically at Harry. “Most parents do,” he says, scribbling down Alana’s name on a label then sticking it to the vile of her blood sample and then placing the vile in a zip lock bag. “Unfortunately it is a necessary evil.”

“What are you going to do with that?” Louis asks about the blood.

“I’m sending it down to the lab, we’re going to run tests to see if there are any signs of rejection or any other concerns. Also most importantly to make sure that the transplant was a success that she is getting better.”

Louis nods, breathing a sigh of relief. He turns his head and look at Alana snuggled up to Harry’s chest, letting out little sniffles as her crying dies down. He reaches over and strokes her cheek.” I pray that she is.”

“She will be, our little girl is a fighter. “Harry smiles at him, all teeth and dimples. “She’s a Styles and a Tomlinson. She’s a Tomlinson-Styles, she’ll get through this.”

Louis gives, Harry, a smiles that shows his appreciation at his reassurance. “Thank you.” He whispers.

The door swings open at that moment and Daniel walks in. tension immediately fills the room when the good doctor and Louis meet eyes.  
Louis swallows nervously his mouth gone dry, he can feel Harry’s eyes alternating between him and Daniel but he doesn’t dare make any sudden movements, afraid of what will happen if he does.

“Ah Dr Sharman, you come as if you’re sent.” Dr Kingsley says breaking the silence.  
Louis finally looks away, his eyes landing on his lap. Dr Sharman smiles in greeting, walking the rest of the way in and closing the door behind him. “Dr Kingsley. Mr Styles...” he clears his throat. “Mr Tomlinson.”

Harry’s eyebrows fly up at the formality. He’s sitting there wondering what happened to the usual: “hi Lou.” And the smile that accompanied it. Harry looks to Louis with a confused questioning expression but Louis doesn’t meet his eyes or acknowledge the silent question.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, I’m going to need you to take on some of my patients for today. The chief has requested a meeting with all the heads of departments after lunch.” Dr Kingsley shakes his head disapprovingly. “He seems to have forgotten that this is a crazy time for all of us and I don’t know how long the meeting will be. You know how he likes to drone on and on; likes the sound of his own voice that one.”

Daniel laughs. “Sure, I’ll cover you.” 

Dr Kingsley smiles. “Thank you, I’ll owe you one.”

“Don’t mention it.” Daniel looks at the two visitor’s blank expression back on, Harry with a raised eyebrow and, Louis, well avoiding looking at anything other than his lap. “Did you need me to start now— with them?”

“No, no, I just wrapped things up with them,” Dr Kingsley rips out a page from his prescription pad and hands it to Louis. “There you go, you can pick those up at the pharmacy on your way home.”

“Thank you,” Louis mumbles already shooting out of his chair and out the door.

Harry stares after him. ”ok then. Weird.” 

 

****  
‘So, are you going to tell me what that was?” Harry finally brings up the subject after trying to restrain himself for the past ten minutes since they left the hospital.

Louis looks at him via the rear view mirror briefly then focuses back on the road. “I don’t know what you mean” he lies, taking a left turn.

Harry scoffs. “I’m talking about you and Dr Dan acting weird. I’m talking about you running out of there like your ass was fire without so much as a kiss or hello to your lover boy and him not seeming to care. What did you two have a lovers tiff or something?”

Louis chews on his bottom lip, giving a non-committal shrug in reply. “Still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Harry gives him a pointed look. “Fine if that’s how you want to play it. But you should know that after you ran out of there and Dr Sharman promptly followed in your wake, I was informed that your boyfriend asked to be taken off Alana’s care.”

“What?!” Louis brakes harshly.

“What the hell, Louis!” Harry reprimands, immediately checking on, Alana, making sure she’s alright when she starts whining.

Louis gasps. “Oh god is she alright?” Harry glares at him through the mirror. “Is she?” he asks urgently.

“Yes,” Harry rolls his eyes. “Less talking more driving. Keep your eyes on the road before you get us killed.” Harry snaps.

Louis swallows past the lump in his throat, blinking repeatedly to ebb away the tears threatening to spill. They drive the rest of the way in silence.

“You’re back.” Muriel says in greeting. “And how did it go?”

“Nothing eventful to report I’m afraid” Harry says, handing, Alana, to Muriel. “Could you change her out of these clothes please, I’m going to go and fix her something to eat.”

Muriel nods. “Of course Mr Styles.”

“And where’s little man?”

“Living room, watching cartoons.”

“Ok, thank you.”

Muriel goes upstairs and Harry heads to the living room, he greets Ezra with a kiss on the cheek and fingers tickling his sides making him break out in cute giggles. Harry chuckles. “Hello my sweet boy. Papa and daddy missed you, so did your sisi.” 

“Pa,” Ezra says earning a huge smile from Harry. “Pa” has become Ezra’s new favourite word to say over and over again.

“Yes, pa missed you.” Harry kisses him again then heads to the kitchen to make Alana something.

Louis is already in the kitchen cutting up some fruits and mashing them when harry gets there. His posture small and hunched in on itself like a reprimanded child. Harry sighs as he shrugs of his coat and scarf. “Did you…”

“Yes! I washed my damned hands before I touched the food.” Louis snap.

“…want some tea?” Harry finishes.

Louis’ cheeks colour in embarrassment as he curls further into a ball. He nods at the offer that clearly meant to be some form of an olive branch that he misinterpreted for criticism. Harry puts the kettle on before walking over to the sink and washing his hands.

It’s tense between them, which let’s face it at this point it’s the norm. But this time around it is more suffocating and feels wrong and itchy (more so than usual).

“Louis.”

Louis’ shoulders tense up at the mention of his name and Harry sighs for what feels like the millionth time today. “Look at me please.”

Louis refuses with a shake of his head. Harry walks over and stands behind him. “Look at me.”’

Louis turns huffily, arms crossed and eyes fixed on Harry’s chest. Harry bites back a smile at the child like behaviour, he instead places a gentle finger under Louis’ chin and tilts his head up so that Louis is looking at him with those blue pools. (AN: Corny as shit I know, but I just couldn’t help myself.)

“I’m sorry,” Harry starts. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you or said what I said.

“No you shouldn’t have.” Louis pouts.

“I agree.”

“You’re a dick.”

“I know.” Harry smiles. “A very, very, very sorry dick.”

Louis laughs. He and Harry stand there looking at each other, smiling.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Muriel says breaking the moment. Louis and Harry quickly tear their gaze. Harry takes a couple steps back and leans back against the counter across from Louis.

“Did you need something?” Harry asks nonchalantly.

“Just this,” Muriel says, taking Alan’s food. “I’ll leave you alone now.” She says with amused tone, promptly exiting the kitchen, leaving a red faced Louis and Harry behind.

The kettle whistles, giving, Harry and Louis, a much needed distraction. Harry goes about making them tea whilst Louis hovers behind him, deciding whether he should or shouldn’t tell Harry. With a heavy sigh he decides it is better if he did.

“We broke up, Daniel and I we broke up.”

Harry walks over to him with both their teas in hand and a frown on his face. “When?”

Louis takes the offered tea. “That day we got news that we can take Alana home. We were out having dinner at, Polec, and Nick showed up and gladly aired my dirty laundry to Daniel. He told him every bad thing about me and I guess, Daniel, couldn’t look past it so he broke up with me.”

“Nick Grimshaw.” Rolls his eyes. “Of course.” He shakes his head. “Are you okay though?”

Louis nods, drinking his tea. “I’ll be fine. It is what it is.”

“Yes, it is.” Harry places his mug down. “I’ll be right back. I have something for you, wait here.”

Before Louis can question him, Harry, jogs out of the room. Louis frowns, wondering what this something could be. Harry walks back holding a tiny paper bag which he hands to Louis.

“Happy birthday.”

Louis looks inside the paper bag, his brows rising to his hairline. He turns the paper bag upside down and the keys inside fall onto his waiting hand. “You got me keys?”

Harry smiles nervously. “To the house yes and the remote for the gate.”

Louis stands gapping at, Harry, who clears his throat awkwardly and ducks his head. “I just thought, uh…this will make it easier for you to come and go. You don’t have to call ahead anymore or um need to ring the bell the house for me to open the gate for you.” he rambles.

“You can just…you know…” he shrugs, taking his tea and walking backwards whilst facing a surprised Louis. “Yeah, I’m gonna leave now, so.” He turns on his heels and runs out the room.

****

“Happy birthday dear, Louis, Happy birthday to you.” Liam, Niall and Zayn sing at the top of their lungs and so out of tune it has Louis in stiches.

“Oh god please stop you’re hurting my ears.” Louis says once he’s done blowing the candles.  
He earns a slap upside the head from Liam and a scoff from both Niall and Zayn. Louis laughs.

“Seriously though, thank you you guys,” 

“You’re welcome, Lou.’ Liam says cutting the cake for them.

“So what happened to all your plus ones?” Louis asks curiously.

“You’re my plus one.” Zayn simply says. “I don’t know about these two.”

Niall snorts. “I didn’t have one.”

“I didn’t invite, Sofia.” Liam shrugs. All three of them give him a look and he sighs.. “I didn’t want to. We’ve been arguing a lot lately and I needed a break. Plus she wouldn’t have come anyway, she still doesn’t like Louis.”

“Thanks Li.” Louis deadpans.

Liam shrugs handing him his cake. “It’s the truth, no point sugar-coating it.”

“What about, Harry?” Niall asks.  
“What about him?”

“Didn’t you invite him?”

Louis shakes his head. “Didn’t think he’d want to come, plus you know he has to stay with the twins.”

“I’m sure if you’d asked he would have come.” Zayn comments under his breathe.

“Zayn.”

“What, he gave you keys to his house.”

“He did what?” both Liam and Niall exclaim.

Louis sighs. “He gave me keys to his house, it’s no big deal.”

Niall scoffs. “Ah, yes it is. The man you were going to con and who sent your ass to prison and has every reason not to trust you gave you keys to his house.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “I’m waiting for you to make a point.”

“That is my point, he trusts you now and you seem to trust him as well seeing as you spend so much time at his place.”

Louis laughs incredulously. “Of course I spend time at his place, my very sick daughter and her twin live there and she doesn’t exactly have the luxury of traveling back and forth between mine and Harry’s place, so yeah I spend a lot of time there.”

“I think what, Niall, is trying to say is and we’re all kind of concerned by it, you seem to be spending a lot of time there in close proximity with Harry, both of you looking after your children and bonding—it just seems inevitable that old feelings might resurface.” Liam trails off, looking to Zayn and Niall for assistance.

“I thought you guys were starting to warm up to him.” Louis says.

Zayn sighs, he pushes away his barely eaten cake, and he turns his chair so he can face Louis dead on. “Lou, I don’t doubt that Harry is a great guy, because from the few times we’ve interacted he seems like an okay guy, but he still hurt you and caused you pain. And you’re too good a person to go through that again.”

Zayn reaches out his hand and takes Louis in his. “We’d like you to be careful, please, that’s all we really want to say, be careful.”

Louis swallows. “Who’s this we?”

“Us,” Liam answers. “Plus you know your mom called and asked us to have a chat with you, she’s worried. Apparently your sisters also feel the same way.”

“Right,” Louis comments absently. “I’m gonna---I’m gonna get some milk to wash this down with, you guys want some?” 

He doesn’t wait for their reply before he is shooting out his chair and heading to the kitchen.

“Think we upset him?” Niall asks, the two shrug.

“Maybe.”

 

****

Christmas turns out to be everything, Louis, hoped his first Christmas with the twins would be. Perfection. He got to spend the day with his babies, Harry and Zayn (That might have been a tiny bit awkward).

He got to stuff himself full on Harry’s Christmas roast and Zayn’s pudding and he got to enjoy a marathon of Christmas classics with his babies cuddled up to him.  
His absolute favourite part of the whole day, tucking the twins in and reading them a Christmas story: Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, never mind the fact that they watched the movie earlier on.

“I forgot you like to do the voices when you read bedtime stories.” Harry whispers, closing the door to the nursery.

“It’s not bedtime stories without voices.” Louis sing- songs (AN: that’s how you say it right.)

Harry walks Louis to the guest bedroom and they hover outside the door facing each other. “Thank you Harry, for a memorable Christmas, and for extending an invitation to Zayn.”

Harry shake his head. “It’s no biggie, it was the right thing to do.” He chews on his lip thoughtfully for a moment. “I saw how happy you and the twins were today and it made me realise that I should have done this years ago. I’m sorry it took our daughter getting sick and some months for me to reach out.”

“Louis shakes his head. “It’s okay. I’m grateful that you even reached out at all.”

Harry smiles and looks down at his feet. “You know it’s still kind of early, and I was going to go downstairs and make myself a cup of hot chocolate.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, you can join me if you want.” Harry looks at him hopefully.

Louis smiles. “I supposed I…”

The guestroom door opens behind, Louis, and Zayn steps out. A frown settles on Harry’s face. He looks down the hallway to Zayn’s assigned rom then back at Zayn who is tugging at Louis’ hand.

“Are you coming to bed, I’m kinda impatiently awaiting my cuddles here.” Zayn says and Louis laughs.

“I spoil you too much and yes Zayn I’m coming.”

Zayn rolls his eyes fondly and remains standing there instead of going back inside like Harry expected he would. Louis knowing exactly what Zayn is doing thanks to the conversation the night before turns to Harry with an apologetic smile. “I guess I’m headed to bed.”

Harry’s eyes dart between the two, he then nods reluctantly. “Right. Goodnight, Lou.” He turns around and starts towards the master bedroom. 

“Goodnight, Harry.”Zayn calls out.

Harry looks over his shoulder and waves. “Goodnight, Zayn.

 

*****

 

“Louis wake up! Wake up!”

Louis startles awake to see a frantic and frightened looking Harry standing over him. “Harry? What’s…?”

“Get up, get dressed. Something’s wrong with Alana, I’m taking her to the hospital.” Harry leaves the room at the sound of his daughter crying.

Louis’ heart drops and an ice cold feeling rushes down his spine. He runs to the nursery and finds Harry muttering under his breath as he swaddles Alana in a blanket. “What do you mean, what’s wrong with her?”

Louis gets his answer when he gets close enough to see Alana struggling to breathe, her body shaking. “Oh god what’s happening?”

“Go get dressed, Louis, we need to go.” Harry says sharply. “Wake Zayn up tell him he needs to stay behind and look after Ezra.”

Louis remains there frozen in place a feeling of dread coming over him. Harry turns to him with big wet scared eyes. “Now, Louis!”

****

Louis is reminded how much he hates hospitals. The smell and white walls. Doctors and nurses walking around but all of them completely useless.  
He wrings his hands nervously, he looks to his side at Harry who is sitting completely still, barely breathing, staring blankly at the wall ahead.

“Harry?”

He doesn’t move or respond.

Louis reaches out and takes Harry’s hand in his. Harry jumps, his gaze shifting down to their joined hands. Louis squeezes his hand reassuringly. 

“She’ll be fine, she’s a fighter. She’s a Tomlinson-Styles remember?”

Harry takes a deep breath, nodding his head in agreement. “Yes, she’s—she’s a fighter. A Tomlinson-Styles.”

 

****

Alana Avery Willow Tomlinson-Styles passes away three days later. Cause of death pneumonia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is dedicated to my grandfather who recently passed away of pneumonia, may he rest in peace. Lost but never forgotten.
> 
> Never said it enough, I love you.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hi,
> 
> a thousand apologies for the long wait, really I am so sorry. my laptop screen needs to be replaced and so until then i will have no choice but to continue sharing my sisters laptop with her, which is not easy just FYI.  
> Plus i have a job now that sucks the soul out of me and takes up most of my time now. 
> 
> But on the bright side i did it, i have posted a chapter and just to apologise for the long wait, Chapter Nineteen, is going to be extra loooooooooong, yay.
> 
> i hope it was worth the wait.
> 
> have a blessed new year and see you next year guys.
> 
> NB: I would also like to add that...SHIT, MAYBE I MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER 19

It’s a beautiful funeral and service as far as funerals go. Harry spared no expense for his little angel. He made sure everything was perfect, from the church to the flowers, casket and eulogy. And Louis is grateful to him.

He has been nothing but a crying utter mess since, Dr Kingsley, broke the news, he could barely function let alone help plan the funeral. So Harry had to do it on his own and he included, Louis, as much as he possibly could and by that I mean he sat at the foot of the bed talking to, Louis, about flower arrangements, programme colours and what not, all the while, Louis, held onto Ezra not taking in a word that was being said, so basically all the planning and organising fell on Harry.

Harry who has been very mechanical for the past few days leading up to the funeral and hasn’t spoken much unless spoken to. He hasn’t cried either.

“I am so sorry for your loss.” 

Harry gives a half assed smile and shakes the hand of the man before him. “Thank you, it’s—thank you.”

The business associate turns to look at Louis. “You too, I am really sorry.”

Louis nods and shakes the guests’ hand, one of Harry’s many business associates that have come to pay their respects.

“I invited, Harry, to stay at my country French chateau, so he can grieve there in peace without all the…” The guest makes wild hand gestures towards the window, where outside there is a gang of reporters bothering guests and taking pictures, showing no respect or sympathy for the loss that has befallen the Styles household. “the invitation extends to you as well.”

Louis sighs, wanting more than anything to tell said reporters to fuck right off and give them peace, but he knows all of the ranting will fall on deaf ears. Even worse, it will be put in the papers and Louis can see the headlines already: “MYSTERY MAN TELLS OFF REPORTERS.” Or “MYSTERY MAN ASKS MEDIA TO GIVE FAMILY TIME TO GRIEF.” Or “WHO IS RAVING MAN AND HOW IS HE CONNECTED TO THE LOSS.”

Or worse the media could figure out who he is; the infamous Louis Tomlinson, who was brought to justice by, Harry Styles. He can see the questions being asked already: WHY DID HE ATTENED THE FUNERAL? AREN’T HE AND HARRY STYLES ENEMIES. 

And so on and so forth, and soon people are going to start digging into his past all over again and realise that, Louis, is the freak that gave birth to twins. Oh god he can’t go through another media circus, not when it comes to his twins.

“You don’t have to stay.” Harry whisper in his ear startling him. 

Louis tears his eyes from the paparazzi and comes to realise that the guest they were talking to has moved along. 

“What did you say?”

Harry gestures vaguely to the room full of suits. “I said you don’t have to stay for this. The fake niceties. I know most of the guests are here to kiss my ass and only a hand full are genuinely here to offer their condolences.” 

Harry sighs heavily, shoulders sagging like they are carrying the weight of the world. “I guess what I’m trying to say is you don’t have to stay for all the bullshit, I can handle it on my own.”

Louis stands there looking at, Harry, whose eyes look so vacant it sends a cold chill down Louis’ spine. He looks utterly detached from everything going on around him. If Louis was a stranger on the outside looking in he would think, Alana’s death wasn’t affecting Harry at all.  
But he is not a stranger. He knows Harry and he knows that he is in as much pain as he is.

The frown that had settled on Louis’ face deepens, he shifts his eyes from, Harry, to the guests around them, his eyes mainly focusing on all the people that are there for him i.e. his mother, Zayn, Liam, Niall and two of Louis’ sisters Lottie and Fizzy. Then his eyes shift to the only person who is there for, Harry. Muriel.

Louis feels bile rise up his throat because he is very aware that he hasn’t been the most functional human being these past few days and he has had to lean on Harry and count on him to do everything which in turn has resulted in, Harry, taking the role of the strong one between the two of them by default. 

Louis is not sure he has seen, Harry cry, not even once since the news broke. 

That is why that morning, Louis, promised himself that he would stand on his own two feet to lessen the burden on Harry’s shoulders. He has stuck to Harry’s side for most of the day, much to his mother’s obvious disapproval.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you, I really don’t mind?” Louis asks.

Louis swears he sees a ghost of a grateful smile on Harry’s lips. “I’m sure. Go to the kitchen and make yourself a cuppa or something. I’m going to give the guests another half hour of pretence then I’m going to ask them to leave.”

Louis bites his bottom lip, not sure he should leave Harry even though he is giving him an out that he so desperately wants.  
The decision is made for him when Harry nudges him with his elbow and nods his head in the direction of the kitchen.

“Go,” Harry whispers.

Louis nods, giving Harry’s arm a squeeze before heading to the kitchen.

Louis puts the kettle on, places both hands on the counter top in front of him, leaning forward  
Heavily, and feeling like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Louis startles when he feels arms circling his waist and a body pressing itself to his back. He relaxes when the comforting smell of Zayn’s cologne hits his nose.  
“Hi,” Zayn whispers, hooking his chin on Louis’ shoulder.

“Hi back.” Louis whispers back.

“How’re you holding up?” 

Louis shrugs as Zayn starts swaying them back and forth. “Can’t really say, just you know…” he shrugs again.

“I get that.” Zayn says, releasing Louis from his hold once the water’s boiled and watches him as he makes himself a cup.

“You want one?” Louis asks.

“Sure.” Louis starts making his.

“How’s Harry doing?”

Louis sighs and sets both their teas in front of them. He picks his tea up and blows on it before taking a much needed sip. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve just been so wrapped up dealing with my own grief that I haven’t stopped and paid attention to him.”

“He seems very…stoic.”

Louis laughs humourlessly. “That’s one way to put It.” he laughs again. “Mum has been giving him the side eye the whole day. I’m not sure if it’s because he is so closed off or if it’s because...” Louis stops himself before he can continue.

“If it is because?” Zayn asks.

“If it’s because she maybe feels the same way I did when I heard the news.”

“Which is?” Zayn presses on.

“I blamed him for it. Alana dying. For a split second I thought if only he had called for me a lot sooner all of this could have been avoided.”

Zayn inhales sharply. “Did you—did you tell him this, is that why he’s like this?”

Louis swallows the gulp he had taken, nearly chocking on it. “god no, I only thought it. But a part of me thinks he knows what I was thinking. A part of me thinks he blames himself. 

Zayn hums thoughtfully. “That’s heavy.”

Louis nods. “I know.”

“There you are.” Jay interrupts, disturbing the peaceful silence that had settled between the two best friends “how are you holding up?”

“Uh, honestly I don’t know how to answer that.” Louis says reciprocating the hug his mother gives him.

“Of course not.” Jay pulls away and cups Louis face in both her hands. “There aren’t enough words in the world to describe the loss of a child. You know…”

Louis looks to Zayn for help, because he can feel the conversation his mother has been wanting to have with him since she arrived from Donny two days ago coming.  
Zayn nods, catching Louis’ drift. He clears his throat to get Jay’s attention.

“H-how are—how are you doing, Jay?” 

Jay huffs. “I’m as fine as can be expected considering the circumstances.” She gives Louis a pointed look. “I’m also a little bit annoyed with the whole...” she gestures wildly with her hands. “Circus act out there.”

Louis sighs. “Mom, please.”

“No, Louis! This is ridiculous. We don’t know any of those so called “friends of the family” out there. They aren’t here to offer their condolences, they’re here to be seen and kiss up to, Harry, and he’s allowing it. It is a funeral for god sake, it is not supposed to be so glammed up and extravagant.”

“Mom, Harry, is a well-known business man and he’s in the public eye. He knows whatever little or big thing that happens to him will be plastered all over the media before he can bat an eye. He expected this, for people to turn up with their fake sympathy and condolences because he understands it comes with the influence he has.

“He has no control over it. He knew something like this would happen that’s why he made sure that the funeral, the burial and memorial service were only reserved for family and friends and you can’t tell me that was over the top and extravagant.” Louis raises a challenging eyebrow.

Jay only shakes her head because, no, she can’t say the funeral, burial etc. were anything but simple and elegant. Deserving of a princess.

It is only the post-funeral service that everything is to quote Jay: “glammed up and extravagant”. Because, Harry, knows that people talk even when it is an inappropriate topic such as the post-funeral service of one’s daughter.

“Mom, I know you don’t like him…but, could you please just,” Louis throws his hands in the air. “I don’t know. Just don’t. He’s hurting too, he doesn’t need you to make him feel guilty on top of that.”

Jay shakes her head. “He deserves to feel guilty. He took away two years you could have spent getting to know your daughter before her time came. Not only that, it took him months of her being sick before he even bothered to call you and ask for help. Maybe if he hadn’t been so self-righteous and selfish he would have called sooner and there wouldn’t have had to be a funeral today. He might as well have been the one who one who killed her!”

“Mom!” Louis chokes out, glaring at Jay, getting ready to reprimand her but the words die on his tongue when he catches movement behind her, he gasps. “Harry.”  
Zayn looks up away from the spot on the counter he had been staring at intently and his eyes widens when he sees, Harry, standing at the kitchen doorway behind Louis’ mother. Jay’s eye bulge out, she whips around and comes face to face with Harry.

It is uncomfortably silent in the room. No one breathes.

Louis is gnawing at his bottom lip as his eyes shift between Harry and his mother. Harry eyes move to Louis and the first hint of emotion since Alana’s death flickers across his eyes to fast for Louis to catch.

The silence stretches and Louis watches Harry who seems to be going through some kind of turmoil in his mind. And Louis wants to say something, god, how he wants to say something to remedy the situation, but his tongue sits heavy in his mouth and all he can do is watch.

Harry seems to come to some kind of conclusion or decision because he nods to himself. Then without saying a word he turns on his heels and leaves.

“Harry” Louis calls out to him, his voice coming back to him. He gets on his feet ready to give chase but, Zayn, stops him with a hand on his elbow and a shake of his head.

“Leave him, give him some space, yeah?”

Louis glares at his mother who has the decency to look ashamed. “See what you did.”

 

******

Three weeks later

Louis didn’t realise how lonely grief felt. He didn’t realise how wrong he was to think that being surrounded by his family and friends would somehow chase the loneliness away. 

After the thing that happened at the after funeral service with Jay saying what she said and Harry having heard her; Louis tried to talk to Harry after giving him five minutes or so to cool off or whatever he needed to do but Harry kept avoiding him. Whenever Louis would walk over and try to talk to him, Harry, would walk over to the other side if the room.

Louis gave up trying after it became clear to him that, Harry just wasn’t going to bite. At the end of the day, he took, Ezra, home with him, hoping he would apologise for his mother when, Harry, came to pick Ezra up but he never showed. It has been three weeks and he still hasn’t shown.

“Louis?” Zayn calls out softly from the other side of the bedroom door. A knock follows the call. “Lou?”

Louis cracks an eye open his eye shifting to the door then to, Ezra, who is sleeping next to him.

“Louis?”

“Come in, Zayn.” Louis croaks.

Zayn enters the room with take away in hand. “Hey,” he whispers once he has taken notice that, Ezra is asleep.

“Hi,” Louis greets back, wincing when his voice cracks. “Sorry,” he says reaching for the water bottle by the bedroom table and taking a huge gulp.

“I brought you guys’ dinner from Liam’s. The wrap is for you and the nuggets are for the little man.”

Louis smiles gratefully, digging in. “Thanks, z.”

The two best friends sit in silence while Louis eats and Zayn watches over him with a worried eye.

“What?” Louis asks after a beat of pretending he is not aware of Zayn scrutiny.

Zayn blushes, realising he has been caught. “Sorry.”

“What is it?”

“Louis, I’m worried.”

“mmm, I gathered as much from the staring.”

“Have you…have you spoken to Dr Collins lately?”

Louis sighs. “Yes.”

“And?”

“And nothing, Zayn! I’m obviously still mourning.” Louis snaps.

Zayn recoils from Louis’ tone, casting his eyes down from Louis’. Louis sighs again putting what is left of his wrap aside an taking Zayn’s hand in his, stroking the back of it gently. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“This is exactly what I mean, you’ve been short with everyone and when it’s not that you’ve been crying and when it’s not that you’re just quiet. I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know how to talk to you…I don’t know how to be there for you.” Zayn’s voice is thick with tears, it throws, Louis, off.

“Zayn.” Louis whispers quiet his voice also on the verge of thickening up with tears,

Zayn shakes his head squeezing Louis’ hand. “Remember how at the centre I told you I hadn’t shared my story with anyone until you came?”

Louis nods, blinking rapidly in a futile attempt to stop his tears. 

“Did I ever tell you why I hadn’t told anyone?”

Louis sniffs. “No.”

“I’ve always felt detached from everyone because what happened to me. I always asked myself what the point of forging attachments to people was if they are just going to end up hurting you, so” Zayn shrugs. “I just never bothered trying.

That is until I wake up one morning at the centre and I am being introduced to my new roommate and when he looked at him I saw myself reflected back to me and this weird thing happened…I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to see if he wears the same scars as I do. I wanted to know if he is broken in the same places as I am.”

“Louis…” Zayn frames Louis’ face with his hands their glistening eyes looking into each other. “You’re my soul mate.” Zayn laughs wetly. “And I am in love you. I love you more than anything in this world.”

Louis’ hands circle Zayn’s wrists and he smiles at his best friend. “I love you too.”

“Just not as much as, Harry.”

Louis looks down at the blatant truth. “I’m sorry.”

“He’s the love of your life.”

Louis chuckles wetly. “I shouldn’t love him, I know I shouldn’t love him. He and I have never been anything destructive together but I do, I love him. I’m in love with him and I am so sorry.”

“Louis look at me.” Zayn pleads.

Louis looks up at Zayn through his lashes. “It’s okay.” Zayn promises before he leans in and kisses Louis.

To Louis’ credit he recovers from the shock of, Zayn, kissing him quickly and kisses him back because—well why the hell not. In a world where Louis had never met, Harry, or had met Zayn before Harry, he can see himself having a future with his best friend, his soul mate. 

Yes, Louis agrees that, Zayn, is his soul mate, there is no doubt about that, but Harry though; Harry is the love of Louis’ life.

Zayn breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against Louis’. “You should go to him, Lou. He is the only one right now who understands what you’re going through and you need him and I have feeling he needs you.

“I’m not so sure about…”

“He needs you.”

It takes, Louis, a week and a half before he caves and goes to see Harry.

 

THE END

 

 

 

I’M FUCKING WITH YOU.

****

 

“I usually try to be home in December, especially around Christmas to be with Ezra and A…”

Harry drifts off not able to say Alana’s name let alone think it without feeling a painful stab in his chest like someone is driving a blunt rusted knife through his heart and is slowly twisting the blade before slicing down the middle and leaving behind two mangled halves.

“Um,” he stutters, his voice shaking. “So I can be with the children even though December is our busiest time of the year given the festive season and all. So what I try to do is get all the important business sorted out by the end of November and that includes making sure that I’ve not just doubled but tripled the order of stock for all eighty restaurants and I make sure that we have back up stock just in case. 

I make sure that all the bills have been paid and that the generators have been serviced and most importantly I make sure that all my employees are happy, you know why?”  
Harry asks looking at the new appointed manager of his franchise that will be taking on most of the responsibilities especially the traveling bit.

“Because it’s the employees that make the business that keep it running and not the customers. They are the business.” James says earning a small smile from the restaurateur as forced as it is. 

“Exactly, they are the business as long as you understand that then I don’t see you having too much trouble running Polec.”

James laughs. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves there.” He pats Harry on the shoulder. “I’ve only ever run a hand full of restaurants and the only one that was a franchise has twenty restaurants, all of them in the same continent not spread out around the world.” 

“Yes, it was only a hand full but they all had one thing in common at the core of them, family. And that’s why you stood out from all the other applicants who ran franchises like mine. They understood the logistics of it all, the mind. You understood the heart and that’s why you’re going to fit in perfectly here.”

“Wow,” James says, awe struck. “I don’t really know how to respond to that other than…I thought it was my charm that got me the job.” James jokes.

Harry chuckles. “That did factor in, but only just a little.”

“Damn, just a little?”

“I’m afraid so.”

James claps his hands together and rubs them. “I’ve got a lot of reading up and studying to do.” He gestures to the paper work on the table. “Better get t it.” 

Harry takes that as his cue and gets up to leave. “I’ll leave you to it, but don’t work yourself too hard though. I’ll be with you every step of the way until I am sure you can handle yourself, I promise.”

“Like a father teaching his child how to ride a bicycle.” As soon as the words are out of James’ mouth the atmosphere around the room tenses. “Shit.” James curses under his breath and internally beats himself up for not running the words through his head before blurting them out like that making him look like an insensitive prick.

“Shit, Harry, I’m so sorry.”

Harry shakes his head, swallowing rapidly. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’m going to…” he points his thumb behind him. “head to the main floor and check on things.” With a nod of his head and a turn of his heels he walks out closing the door behind effectively ending the conversation.

Standing outside in the passage, Harry takes deep breathes, his hand flying to his chest rubbing the spot there in an attempt to ease the painful ache there. “It’s okay, you’re fine.” 

He moves with shaky legs to his office across from James’ and once he is inside he drops on his chair heavily. He turns his head to his desk and is met with pictures of himself and the twins and the three new additions to the lot are pictures of Louis with the twins on Louis’ birthday and Christmas day and the last one is of the four of them.

He takes the picture of Louis and the twins taken on the morning of Louis’ birthday: Louis’ lying in bed on his back with both the twins on his chest, Alana, resting her head on his chest staring straight at the camera with piercing blue eyes and an adorable smile on her face. Ezra on the other hand isn’t looking at the camera, he’s reaching his arm out to Louis trying to get his glasses and Louis has is head thrown back laughing.

Thinking of Jay’s words he looks at the picture through blurry eyes. “I’m so sorry.” He sobs. “I’m so sorry.”

****

 

At 09:12, twenty or so minutes before closing time, Harry, leaves the restaurant and drives to Louis’ house as he has done for the past three weeks. He parks across the street from the house and turns the keys cutting the engine off and just sits.

He sits in the car trying to talk himself into actually getting out of the car this time and walk up to the house and knock on the door but like previous times before every time he reaches for the door handle, Jay’s words start echoing in his head and guilt soon floods his system making him seize: 

“…Maybe if he hadn’t been so self-righteous and selfish he would have called sooner and there wouldn’t have had to be a funeral today. He might as well have been the one who one who killed her!”

His hand moves away from the handle as if it were burned and lands on his chest over his heart where the painful ache in his chest has returned. “Fuck,” he gasps out. “S-shit.”

He leans back on the car seat head thrown back resting on the—well head rest and takes deep long breathes as he continues to rub his hand over the ache. It takes a few moments for the ache to dull, like the hand that was squeezing his heart loosened its grip.

He takes one last look at the house and a final deep breath before leaning over turning the key and driving away. He does not see Zayn’s silhouette behind the living room curtain watching his tail lights disappear.

****

Zayn moves away from the curtain with a shake of his head once the tail lights of Harry’s car have disappeared from sight.  
He moves over to the couch and joins a sleepy looking Ezra who is sipping on his warm milk and honey from his Sippy cup.

“Both your dads are stubborn you know that.”

“Da-yi” Ezra says and Zayn laughs at how absolutely adorable he is.

“Yes, your da-yis they’re both so stubborn.” He picks Ezra up and puts him on his lap, allowing Ezra to lean back on his chest. “Papa, that’s Louis, is convinced that, Daddy, that’s…well you know who he is, doesn’t need him that he doesn’t want to see him after what grandma said but he’s wrong, do you want to know how I know that he is wrong?”

Ezra nods his head like he is following the conversation but judging from how heavy his eyelids rest, Zayn, highly doubts it. “Your dad has been coming here for the past two weeks since I’ve noticed his car across the street, maybe even longer for all I know. He’s been coming here and sitting in his car across the street and…well I don’t know what it is he does in there but I think he wants to come in and he is just scared to because he doesn’t think he is welcome.”

Zayn goes quiet. “That’s sad isn’t it, don’t you think that’s sad little man?”

“Sad,” Ezra says.

“Yeah.”

At the sound of the floor board creaking behind him, Zayn, looks over his shoulder and is met with a disbelieving looking, Louis. “He’s been coming here?”

Zayn fish mouths, words failing him in that moment.

“He’s been coming here all this time and you didn’t tell me?” continues on, tone verging on accusatory.

“I-I tried telling you but I don’t think he wanted us to know he was out there.” Zayn explains. “I mean, that’s why I told you last week to go to him because I don’t think he’s going to be the one to make the first move.”

Louis moves to the window Zayn was spying on Harry from just a moment ago. He draws back the curtain and looks outside.

“He left,” Zayn tells him. “Just now.”

Louis looks at Zayn over his shoulder. “why didn’t you tell me that he’s been coming around?”

Zayn looks down at Ezra who is looking more alert now at the sound of Louis’ stressed voice. “I only noticed his car a week before I told you to go see him. He drives up here and just sits in the car, he never gets out he just sits. That’s why I told you to go to him because I think he is scared of reaching out, especially after what your mother said.”

Louis grimaces. “she shouldn’t have said that.”

Zayn nods in agreement. “She shouldn’t have but she did. Harry wasn’t meant to hear but he did and now here we are.”

Louis looks out the window again with anguish on his face as he worryingly bites on his bottom lip. 

“Go to him already, Lou. You know you want to.”

“It’s…I don’t think…” Louis stutters.

“Don’t think about it just go.”

And he does. 

 

*****

Harry doesn’t know what it is about being underwater that shuts the world out, makes him feel at peace. It probably has something to do with him being an Aquarius he guesses or maybe in his previous life times, yes life times, he was a creature of the sea. Like a dolphin, those are cool right? 

Or maybe he was something mystical like a merman or majestic like a whale. Or dangerous like a shark; his subconscious screams at him.

No! no no no no, STOP IT!

Harry tries to go back to shutting his mind of and just concentrate on the songs on his playlist that are slightly muted or distorted by the bath…water

Wait a minute.

Harry frown; there’s no music playing. Why isn’t there music playing?  
He opens his eyes and his heart skips a beat and jumps right to his throat (figuratively speaking of course) when he sees someone standing over him.

He shoots up breaking the surface of the water with a gasp, his eyes owlishly wide with panic. Relief washes over him for a second when he realises that the person is a wet and shivering Louis but then the relief goes away because oh shit it’s Louis.

“Louis,” he breathes out.

“Harry,” Louis says with a shaky voice from his intense shivering.

“What are you do…” Harry cuts himself off the frown on his face being replaced with confusion. “Why are you soaked?”

Harry’s eyes travel the length of Louis’ body that is covered in a wet oversized shirt and plaid PJ bottoms and socks. “And where’re your shoes?”

Louis looks down at himself with a sheepish smile a wet strand of hair (I dub it the Zayn Malik strand) falling over his eyes, which just does things to Harry’s insides.

“I uh—I was in such a hurry to leave the house that I grabbed my keys and wallet and ran out. It was only when I was in the taxi that I realised that this is probably the coldest night in history and I forgot to put on my shoes or grab a coat. Oh half way here it started raining cats and dogs, so”

He throws his hands up. “Here I am.”

Harry swallows spit, his fingers tapping nervously on the edge of the bathtub. “What are you doing here, Louis?”

Louis looks at Harry not saying a word. Harry starts squirming around uncomfortably suddenly all too aware of his nakedness despite the little foam and bubbles left coincidently covering the important parts of his anatomy.

“You’ve been coming to my house.” Louis states watching Harry closely for any reaction. “You’ve been coming to my house all this time and I didn’t know until today.”

Harry tenses up because in those grief stricken moments it never occurred to him that someone could easily see him or spot his car parked across the street.

“Zayn.” Louis answers Harry’s silent question of how, Louis knew of his presence outside the house. He moves closer sitting down on the lip of the tub and toeing his wet socks off. “He says he has seen you parked outside the house for the past two weeks or so and he wasn’t sure if you were going to come in so he has been trying to get me to get out of the house but I haven’t been feeling up to it, I haven’t been feeling up to doing much lately.”

Since Alana’s death is left unsaid.

“Why didn’t you come in, why did you stay out there.” 

Harry looks down in shame, he couldn’t tell Louis about what he was feeling, he didn’t deserve his sympathy or pity.

“You look like you’ve freezing.” Harry says instead of answering Louis’ question. “You should uh, take a shower, I’ll bring you a change of clothes.”

Louis frowns at Harry’s obvious avoidance of the topic at hand and instead of doing what Harry suggested (even though a shower and dry clothes sound like heaven) he swing his legs over and lowers himself into the warm bath water catching Harry by surprise.

Louis sighs contently his eyes closing when the warms water touches his skin and chases the coldness away.

“What are you doing?” Harry says incredulously pulling his legs up and bringing his knees to his chest. 

“I’m waiting for you to answer my question.” Louis states firmly. “Why didn’t you ever come in?”

Harry still doesn’t answer he instead folds in on himself and avoids looking Louis in the eye.  
Louis sighs loudly getting just a little frustrated.

“You didn’t have to come in for me, it could have just have been to see your son so why didn’t you?” Louis asks desperately.

Harry blinks rapidly his chin trembling from the sob threatening to escape his mouth. “I couldn’t.” he whispers.

“Answer me!” 

“I couldn’t. Not after what I did, not after, Alana.” He shakes his head. “I can barely think of you and Ezra without feeling guilty, let alone look at you.” Harry says his voice thick with unshed tears.

Louis stays quiet for a moment then asks. “Is this because of what my mother said?”

Harry physically recoils from the mention of Louis’ mother and her words. 

“Harry,” Louis starts voice laced with sympathy. “She shouldn’t have said that, she had no right to…”

“She wasn’t wrong.” Harry cuts him off with a cracking voice sand a shake of his head. “She wasn’t wrong. She’s right to blame me it’s all my fault. Our little girl is dead because of me.”

Louis’ breathe catches. “Harry…”

Harry shakes his head looking at, Louis, with big glistening eyes. “I should have been prepared, I should’ve known. My family has a history of cancer, I should have known.  
I should have taken the twins in for screening but I didn’t. When Alana got sick and I was told that I wasn’t a match that I couldn’t be her donor, I should’ve come looking for you but I didn’t. Instead I waited until the last minute because you were my last option and now our daughter is dead and it’s all my fault.”

“Harry,” Louis chokes out, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. “the cancer was gone she was getting better the worst of it was over. She died because her tiny body was too weak to fight of an infection.”

“Because of me! Because I was too prideful to ask you for help!” 

Harry shoots up out of the water not caring anymore about his naked state. He gets out of the bath and storms out of the en-suite into his room leaving a trail of wet foot prints behind him.

Louis doesn’t hesitate getting out of the bath and follows him. He finds Harry standing over the roaring fire place his toned taut back turned to Louis. Louis walks over to him determinedly and stand directly behind him.

“Harry, our dpaughter died because it was her time. It wouldn’t have mattered if you came to New York a few months earlier than you did, she still would have died.”

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT.” Harry shout turning suddenly on Louis making him jump back and nearly tripping on the giant pillow bed that is situated in front of the fireplace.

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT.” He repeats, his face contorting into a pained expression as he is hit with the full force of his guilt and grief.

“YOU DON’T THAT. YOU DON’T KNOW THAT. You don’t know that. You don’t know that.” 

Harry falls down to the ground his legs having given out under him and lets out a heart wrenching sob. Louis covers his mouth with his hand as his own grief hits him turning him into a sobbing mess as well because, fuck, they lost a child and it hurts like hell and neither one of them can say that one is hurting more than the other.

Because in a horrible situation like this were one loses a child pain is pain and in the words, John Greene: pain demands to be felt.

Louis kneels down in front of Harry and slowly and tentatively touches his shoulder, the moment his hand touches his skin Harry flinching away like the touch scorched him.

“Harry,” Louis whispers, reaching out cautiously again and cups his cheek. “Haz.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Louis.” Harry apologises, looking at Louis with big pleading eyes. “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve do…”

Louis’ lips crushes over Harry’s, a hard press of lips.

Harry breaks the kiss, opening his mouth to say something but words don’t come out.  
When Harry doesn’t say anything, Louis leans in for another kiss and this time, Harry kisses him back.

What started out as shy hesitant closed mouth kisses turn into desperation as Louis arms circle around Harry’s shoulders to bring him closer and Harry does the same only his arms circle Louis waist.

They both shiver when Louis’s wet clothes make contact with their skin and for that split second when Harry feels Louis’ shudder, a feeling of déjà vu washes over him and he is reminded of them in the exact same position only the last time they were on the bed and Louis was naked.

And Louis reasoning for wanting Harry then was so he could prove his psycho ex-husband wrong, he wanted to prove that he hadn’t broken him. 

Harry also recall how hard Louis was shaking when his hands travel over his body, how scared his eyes looked when Harry pulled away and realised that Louis wasn’t ready to be with him in the ways he thought he was and it is with that thought in mind that Harry pulls away from the kiss and faces away when Louis chases after him.

“We can’t do this.” Harry says echoing his words from before.

Louis looks him with the same look of rejection as that night and Harry not wanting him to get the wrong idea scrabbles to explain.

“We’ve tried this before remember it didn’t work.” Harry shakes his head. “You don’t want this.” He gently pushes Louis away from him and stands up.

Louis watches him pace the floor in front of the fire place and anger starts bubbling inside of him because no, no! Louis has reached his limit of having his needs and wants and life dictated to him. He wants control of his life back and god help anyone who stand in his way.

“You don’t know what I want.” He says firmly causing Harry to stop his pacing and looks at him. 

Louis stands up as confidently as he can hoping his hands aren’t shaking too much. He reaches for the hem of shirt and pulls over his head and throws it to his side. He reaches for his pants and pushes them down and kicks them to the side and before Harry knows it Louis had closed the distance between them and is grabbing his faced and is kissing him fiercely.

Harry stumbles back from the force of the kiss and his back hits the wall. He soon melts into the kiss, losing the argument with himself of why he and Louis shouldn’t be doing this.

One of Louis’ hands moves to the back of Harry’s head and grabs a hold of his hair and pulls hard effectively breaking the kiss.

“Fuck.” Harry moans giving Louis the reaction he wanted from him.

“I want you to listen to me, Harry Styles, I am tired of feeling like I have no control over my life. For once in what feels like a very long time I am going to be selfish and I am going to take what I want and what I want right now is you. Do you understand?”

Harry swallows. “Yes.” He replies quietly.

Louis tugs on Harry’s hair again getting the same reaction from Harry as before. “Yes.”

“Good,” Louis says and tilts Harry’s head forward so that he I looking him in the eyes. “Now give me what I want.”

Harry doesn’t hesitate this time around he pulls, Louis, in for a brutal kiss that he responds to with equal vigour. Eager hands travel up and down the others body, relearning every edge and curve.  
Before Louis knows it he’s the one with his back against the wall and is moaning and writhing in Harry’s hold as he and Harry rut frantically against each other both chasing their high.

Louis is the first to climax, his fingers digging into Harry’s biceps and his head thrown back as ecstasy floods his body. He is so focused on savouring the feeling he never thought he would get to enjoy again that he doesn’t notice, Harry, reaching his peak from watching him.

Louis comes down from his high to Harry pressing gentle kisses all over his face. He turns his head to face Harry and the kiss that was aimed at his cheek lands on his lips instead and Louis doesn’t mind it. 

Harry is looking at Louis intensely, watching to see if, Louis, regrets what just happened between them. 

“Are you alright?” Harry asks, the arms he has around Louis tightening just a bit.

Louis smiles a dopey smile and nods. “Yes.”

Harry breathes a sigh of relief and presses a kiss to Louis’ damp forehead. “Do you still want me to…do you still want us to…?”

Louis reads between the lines of what Harry is unable to say. “Yes, please.”

Harry slowly untangles himself from, Louis, and walks to the bedside table taking out a bottle of lube and a strip of condoms to which Louis chuckles. 

“A bit ambitious aren’t we?” Louis teases, looking pointedly at the condoms.

Harry blushes. “I’m not—I didn’t mean to…” Harry stutters and Louis laughs and Harry joins him, both choosing to ignore the nervousness they can hear in the others voice.

Harry eyes shift to the bed which he rarely uses anymore to the pillow bed in front of the fire place and back to, Louis who’s already watching him. “So, where would you feel comfortable doing this?” Harry asks making a face afterwards at how absolutely awkward he feels asking that.

Louis eyes the bed and all he can think about is all the times he and Harry had sex there all the while lying to each other, so the bed is a definite no…plus Harry and Nick have had sex on that very same bed which—ew.

And just looking at the giant pillow bed on the floor, Louis is not sure where or how they would begin having sex on that thing, so he guesses the only option he has left that won’t give him time to talk himself out of this is….

“Come here.” 

Harry goes to him. Louis takes the items from his hand and places them on the fireplace mantel. “Now kiss me.”

Harry leans down and is only inches away from Louis’ lips but he stops himself. “I-I don’t know how to do this.” 

“How to do what?”

Harry shakes his head, the seemingly new and insecure him taking over. “I don’t know how not to hurt you anymore.”

Louis is taken aback by Harry’s confession, this being the most genuine and vulnerable he has ever seen him. It’s like seeing Harry in a new light, without all the fakeness that kicked off their whirlwind love story or the arrogant asshole that Louis came to know once the masks were off and everything went to hell.

This Harry though…this Harry in front of him is something, Louis, can’t put into words.

“Then don’t hurt me.”

 

*****

He’s not sure how long he has been awake for or how long he and Harry have been in this position. Harry half on top of him and his face tucked into his neck and his arm thrown lazily over Louis’ stomach.

It…comfortable, almost feels normal.

Which is what has Louis so confused, he expected to wake up having some sort of anxiety attack or least wake up screaming haunted by nightmares of his time in prison but none of that happened. Instead he woke up from a peaceful sleep both he and Harry wrapped around each other and he felt…fine.

He moves slightly away from Harry, enough to reveal Harry’s face from its hiding place in Louis’ neck and he watches him, takes him all in, his porcelain face long lashes and pouty lips and he is hit with flashes of what happened last night. 

 

FLASHBACK

 

Louis’ fingers scratch down the wall and lets out an obscene moan as he pushes back on Harry’s fingers which are stroking his prostate slow and punishing.

“Harry please, please, please, please.” 

Harry removes his fingers and presses flush against Louis’ back. “Are you still sure?”

Louis nods eagerly and cold air hits Louis’ back when Harry moves away from him. He does not look over his shoulder to see what it is that Harry’s doing he can tell by the crinkling sound of foil wrapper.

Harry moves back into Louis’ space, his chest presses to Louis’ back and leans down just so he can whisper in Louis’ ear. “Turn around.”  
Louis does as he is told and Harry rests his forehead against his not breaking eye contact as he bends down slightly and lifts one of Louis’ legs and hooking it around his own waist.

“Keep it there.” Harry orders.

Louis nods frantically. “Y-ye—oh god.” Louis gasps his back arching of the wall from Harry entering him without warning. “Harry.”

“Shh.” Harry wraps an arm around Louis’ waist and holds him close, his other hand holding on to Louis’ legs making sure it stays hooked around him. He kisses Louis’ temple and face and neck sweetly, comforting him. Patiently waiting for Louis to adjust and give him the go ahead.

After a few moments of Louis taking deep breathes and clenching and unclenching around Harry (much to Harry’s torture) Louis nods and says with a wrecked voice. “I’m ready.”

Harry’s movement is slow at first, he focuses on being gentle and not too rushed for Louis’ sake even though it takes a lot of restraint on his part. He keeps reminding himself that this is about the beautiful man in his arms and what he wants and needs from him.

Louis is a trembling mess as, Harry, moves confidently in him and tension builds inside of Louis in desperate need for release. Louis tightens his arms around Harry and pulls him closer, clinging to him desperately. 

Picking up on Louis’ silent plea, Harry, catches Louis off guard by picking up his other and wrapping it around himself unintentionally sinking deeper into Louis. They both groan with pleasure. Louis’ digs his crossed feet into Harry’s lower back in a desperate attempt to push him further in and any kind of restraint—will power that Harry had flies out of the window.

He speeds up his thrusts and soon the room is filled with the sound of skin slapping skin, Harry groans and Louis’ gasps.

“Ha—Haz—oh god!” Louis moans, his head thrown back lost in the sensation. “Please.”

Harry’s movement becomes frantic, uncontrollable and it is not long before the tension inside of, Louis, finds its release and has him coming with a silent scream playing at his lips and Harry following soon after

/p

p


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i used my phone to post this chapter i hope it come out OK. thank you for the lovely comments and your patience, i hope you enjoy.

CHAPTER TWENTY

 

After the events of the previous night and, Louis, waking up to being bombarded with images from said night, Louis slips out from under the covers and Harry’s hold and off the pillow bed as quietly as possible and managing to land on the floor on all fours. 

“This is going to hurt.” He whispers to himself before standing up slowly, bracing himself for the physical reminder that last night did indeed happen and as he stands upright and takes a step towards the phone on the night stand he is greeted with a foreign yet familiar ache in his back. 

“Fuck.” Louis hisses as he walks, limps and waddles his way to the phone. He picks it up from the receiver and looks over his shoulder at a sleeping Harry before making his way to the en-suite bathroom with the phone in hand and immediately dials, Zayn.

“Hello?” Zayn answers.

“Zayn, it’s me.” Louis whispers, peeping out of the crack of the door to keep an eye out for any sign of movement from Harry.

“Louis, I was wondering when I would hear from you. So how did it go?”

“Um, yeah, it uh…it went fine I guess.” Louis stutters as images from last night flood his mind.

“That’s good isn’t it?”

“Yeah, uh listen I’m only calling to check if you’ll be able to look after, Ezra, just a little while longer.”

“Sure thing, do you and Harry have a few more things to talk about or something?”

“No actu…” Louis stops abruptly when he hears the rusting off fabric and he peeps out of the door and releases a breath of relief when he finds Harry still sleeping. “thank god.”

“Thank god what?”

“Nothing, um listen I have to go see Dr. Collins about something, it shouldn’t take too long I hope.”

“Oh, okay…are you sure everything is ok?”

“Yeah, I just need to speak to him that’s all. I’ll see you when I get home okay?”

“Okay.”

“Give, Ezra a kiss for me please.”

“Will do, bye Lou.”

“Bye.” 

After hanging up the phone and checking again that, Harry, is still fast asleep, Louis, makes quick work of jumping into the shower and cleaning himself off. He walks back into the room and inspects the clothes he had on last night which are rumpled and damp on the floor, he wrinkles his nose at the sight of them. 

“Ew, guess I’m borrowing Harry’s clothes.” 

He walks into, Harry’s walk in closet and immediately walks over to the back of the closet were he knows, Harry, keeps his comfy clothes (sweaters, hoodies and such). He takes a pair of mustard tracksuit pants that he hopes won’t swallow him whole and a white hoody and puts them on. 

He is walking out of the closet, pulling at the strings of the hoody when the hairs at the back of neck stand on end and his eyes to the fireplace…

“Fuck!” he curses his hand flying to his chest. “Jesus, Harry.”

Harry who is lying on his back on the pillow bed blinks at him with sleepy eyes, his hair a curly mess on top his head and the bed covers pooling around his waist. He is a sight for sore eyes that has Louis wanting to get back under the covers with him, but he resists. 

He averts his eyes when he realizes that he’s shamelessly staring and he clears his throat. “I uh, I have to get going, there’s something I need to take care off and I have to free, Zayn, from his baby sitting duties.”

He chances a glance at, Harry, to find him giving him a reassuring smile though there is disappointment in his eyes.

“Okay, Lou.” Harry says quietly his voice breaking off at the end, still groggy from sleep.

Louis makes his way to the door to the bedroom but looks over his shoulder at Harry before leaving. “I’ll be back I promise.”  
*****

Louis arrives at, Simply Tasteful, where he arranged to meet with Dr. Collins.

“Morning, Mr. Tomlinson.” Sarah greets from behind the counter.

“Hi, Sarah.” Louis smiles at her. “How are you?”

“I’m well, thank you. Are you here to see, Liam, would you like me to get him for you?” Sarah inquires her body already turned towards the kitchen doors and Louis stops her with a shake of his head.

“Oh, no that’s okay. I’m actually meeting someone and uh…”

Louis is cut off by the bell above the restaurant door and the automated welcome message. Dr. Collins walks in dressed casually a look Louis has never seen on him. “No suit and tie today doc?”

Dr. Collins laughs. It’s my day off.” He gestures at Louis baggy clothes that are so very clearly not his. “What’s your excuse?”

Louis blushes which Dr. Collins picks up on, he gives Louis a questioning look and Louis averts his eyes and looks at, Sarah. “We’re going to sit at my usual table could you please bring me my tea, you know how I take it.”

Sarah nods in acknowledgement and turns to Dr. Collins. “What would you like?”

“Large coffee please, black.”

“I’ll get those ready for you,” Sarah says, handing them two menus. “By the way our special today is chicken pancakes.” 

Both men nod in acknowledgement. Louis leads the way to his usual table. They both take a seat and, Dr. Collins, observes Louis from across the table as he pretends to read the menu, a menu that is upside down.

Dr. Collins laughs to himself finding the whole situation funny. 

“What?” Louis asks wanting to be clued in on the joke.

“This.” Dr. Collins (AN: I’m going to start calling him Misha, saying “Dr. Collins” is such a mouth (type) full) reaches across the table on turns Louis menu.

“Oh.” Louis blushes and Misha laughs. 

Sarah comes over with their beverages and sets them down on the table. “Are you ready to order or would you like me to give you a few more minutes?” 

Misha just smiles politely and hands over his menu. “We’ll have the special.”

“Yes, the special is fine.” Louis concurs also handing, Sarah, the menu.

“Are you ready to talk?” Misha asks once, Sarah, is gone.

“I had sex with Harry last night.” Louis blurts out and promptly covers his mouth with his hands after.

Misha’s eyes widen in shock. That’s—that was not what I expected to hear.”

Louis groans moving his hands up to cover his face. “I know, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that.” 

Misha chuckles and waves his hand dismissively even though, Louis, can’t see it because his face is still covered. “That’s ok. Um would you like me to give you a few minutes to collect your thoughts before we start talking about the how and why it happened?”

Louis sighs, removing his hands from his face. “No, it’s fine, I…it wasn’t planned, it just happened.” 

Louis goes quiet trying to figure out where to even begin talking about what happened and Misha waits patiently for him. 

“You know how I told you that, Harry hasn’t been around since the funeral?”

Misha nods.

“Well as it turns out he has been, around I mean. He just hasn’t been reaching out.”

“Did he tell you why?”

Louis sighs and stares down at his tea. “he feels guilty. He blames himself for, Alana’s death.”

Misha nods in understanding. “Guilt is a normal reaction for a bereaved parent, especially when their child was sick. The parent feels like they should have done more, you know, they feel like they should have done something different.” 

Misha shakes his head sympathetically “It’s not their fault though.”

“That’s what I said but I don’t think he believes me.”

Sarah brings over their food and places them. “Call me if you need anything else.”

“Thank you.” They both say and Misha immediately digs into his food while Louis continues on.

“Anyway, when I found out that he’s been coming over I went to his house to confront him about it and things got heated, there was some shouting and crying. And, Harry—he just kept blaming himself and saying how sorry he was and I just kissed him. I kissed him and it felt…” 

Louis trails off, his mind wandering back to the kiss. “…so right.” Louis chuckles to himself as his face heats up. “So did everything that happened after.”

“So then, what’s the problem?” Misha asks after a beat.

Louis looks at him for the longest time before answering. “There really isn’t one, it’s just…I’m not freaking out like I thought I would be.” 

“Not even a little?”

Louis shakes his head. “No, but I should be right? I mean I always thought that I would never, ever, want to be intimate with someone the way that, Harry, and I were last night. I always thought if I were to ever attempt to have sex with someone that it would trigger some kind of breakdown or panic attack but it ever happened…it just felt right, you know.”

“And why do you think that is?”

Louis throws his hands in the air. “I don’t know—sex with, Harry, has always been different even long before I developed feelings for him. Long before I really knew for sure I was gay. Sex with my ex-husbands was always a chore for me, it was always forced, something had to do to get the job done, I never enjoyed it not even one bit.  
But with, Harry, it’s always been different, always.” 

“How different?”

Louis eyes widen and his face turns pink with embarrassment. “I don’t, uh…I mean…” He fumbles his words.

Misha laughs, deciding to throw a flustered, Louis, a bone. “For example, last night, when the two of you were being, um…” he stops trying to find a word that won’t turn an already pink, Louis, a shade darker.

“Us?” Louis supplies.

“Yes, exactly! When the two of you were being “us”, did you feel safe? Taken care off? Not rushed or forced into it?”

Louis nods. “Yeah, all of those things. Sex with, Harry, never feels like we’re having sex. More like we’re…”

“Making love?”

Louis wrinkles his nose in distaste. “I’ve never been a big fan of that phrase, it sounds so—urg.”

Misha smiles. “As, urg, as it sounds, is that how it felt?”

Louis takes a moment then sighs in resignation, distaste still clear on his face. “I suppose it does.”

“And do you think that’s why you didn’t freak out? Because you were with someone you love, who made you feel safe and taken care off?”

“Yes.” Louis says quietly. He sighs and rubs a hand down his face. “So, what now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Where do, Harry, and I go from here? We’ve just been through so much…how are we supposed to be together when there are all these things, all these reasons for us be apart?”

“My advice you’ve both been through a lot,” Misha starts after a beat. “…both together and individually. If the two of you are meant to be together then it will happen. You don’t need to rush it and it doesn’t have to happen now.”

Louis breathes a sigh of relief, feeling the pressure he was putting on himself disappearing. “Thank you, I needed to hear that.” Louis says, he picks up his fork and finally digs into his food.

“You’re welcome.”

Long after their food is gone and they are just sitting having a light conversation, Misha asks Louis a question that has been running through his mind.

“Do you know if, Harry, is seeing a therapist?”

Louis’ eyebrows shoot up at the out of the blue question. He swallows the gulp of tea he had taken. “Why do you ask; do you want me to pitch you to him or something?”

Misha chuckles. “No, I’ve just been thinking about what you said about him earlier and in my professional opinion I think he needs to see a therapist. The guilt and the blame he is carrying around inside, it’s not good, Louis, not at all.”

Louis worries his bottom lip. I think he mentioned once or twice before that he was seeing a therapist in the beginning but I think he stopped when he got better.”

“Well, I think he needs to start seeing them again.”

Louis nods. “I’ll mention it to him the next time I see him.”

****

“Not going out tonight?”

Harry looks up from his laptop screen to find, James, standing at his office doorway. “I’m sorry?”

James points to his watch. “You’re usually gone by this time.”

“Oh,” Harry says. “um, not today there’s an issue with the Italy branch that needs my attention.”

James steps further into the office. “Is there anything I can help with?”

Harry shakes his head. “Not yet, but if things escalate and I don’t have a choice but to fly to Italy to sort it out, then I might need you to run things here for a few days while I’m gone.”

“Of course, that’s what I’m here for. Let me know when you need me.”

Harry offers James a tired smile. “Thank you, James.” 

“Until then though…” James closes Harry’s laptop when the young restaurateur focused back on work. “I think you should go home and get some sleep, you look like you need it.”

“I will, I just need to…”

“It wasn’t a request, Harry,” James says all fatherly like. “—you worry me, you’re working yourself too hard and you need to give yourself a break.”

Harry breaks eye contact with the man in front of him, he swallows past the ball of emotions in his throat. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not but if you want to pretend that you are I will let you save face. But for my own sanity though, please go home and get some rest, work will still be here tomorrow.”

Harry would argue but even he has to admit that he’s too tired for that. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He reaches for his laptop to start packing up but James stops him. 

“This stays, you’re going home to rest not to work some more.”

Harry sighs but gives in. “Yes, sir.” He jokes, grabbing his keys. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

*****

“Da-yi!” Ezra screams the moment Harry walks in through the front door.

Harry is startled by the sound of his voice calling out to him. He freezes by the door as, Ezra runs towards him full speed and crushes his tiny body against Harry’s legs and wraps his arms around them.

Louis rounds the corner breathless from trying catch up with his son. “Sorry, he heard the front opening and made a run for it before I could stop him.” Louis laughs to himself. Ï think he’s excited to be home.”

Harry doesn’t say anything or move, instead he stares down at his son with wide eyes who is looking back up at him with a face of innocence…Alana’s face.

“Harry?”

“Take him, please take him.” Harry begs, his voice barely audible.

Louis picks, Ezra, up who starts whining and reaches out for Harry.

“I’m sorry.” Harry says before running up the stairs to his bedroom and locks himself in the en-suite. 

“Shit.” Harry swears, his voice shaking. “shit, shit, shit!” He punches the door over and over again, hating the fact that he can’t be near his son without being drowned in guilt.

“Harry?” Louis calls out from the other side of the door. “Harry, open the door.”

Harry stops mid punch. He leans his forehead on the door as he tries to compose himself. “I’m fine, I…just give me a moment.”

“Harry.”

“Please.” He chokes out. “Just please.” 

It goes quiet.

“Thank you.” Harry whispers under his breathe. He moves away from the door to the basin letting the cold water run. He splashes his face with some water wincing at the stinging pain coming from his injured hand.

When he finally makes it downstairs he finds, Louis and Ezra in the kitchen. Louis busying himself with emptying the party size Doritos bag into a bowl and Ezra sitting on top of the counter with his coloring book.

He clears his throat to get their attention and they both look at him with big blue eyes. 

“Are you, okay?” Louis asks, breaking the silence.

Harry nods. “Yeah.” 

Louis nods and reaches beside him and holds up an ice-pack. “For your hand.”

“Thanks.” Harry says taking the ice-pack and places it over his knuckles.

They stay in silence, Ezra, occupied with his coloring book and Louis now occupying himself with making tea and Harry watching his son through the corner of his eye.

“I’m sorry.” Louis says and Harry’s eyes shift to him.

“Sorry?”

“I’m sorry for showing up with him without warning you. I promised you I would come back and um…do you know what tomorrow is?”

Harry’s forehead wrinkles as he concentrates, searching his mind for an answer but comes up with nothing.

“It’s your birthday, Harry.” Louis says quietly, sadly.

“Oh.” Harry exclaims surprised.

“Yeah, I thought that maybe you wouldn’t want to spend your first birthday without, Alana, alone.”

Harry’s eyes glaze over with tears. “Oh.”

Louis walks around the counter and wraps his arms around, Harry, without question. Harry clings to him, his shoulders shaking from silent tears. 

“You won’t spend it alone okay. Ezra and I will be here.”

After a moment passes, Harry pulls away. “Were you going to watch a movie or something?” 

“Yes, we’re going to watch Beauty and the Beast.”

Harry perks up a bit. “The animated version?”

Louis shakes his head. “The human one.”

“Oh,” Harry says, his nose wrinkling in distaste. “Don’t really like that one. Both the movie and the Ariana and John Legend cover of the song.”

Louis scoffs, rolling his eyes fondly. “You’re just picky.”

“No, I’m not.” Harry says pouting.

“Sure you’re not.”

****

Ezra falls asleep towards the end of, Beauty and the Beast, and Louis moves him to the other couch so he can rest comfortably. And seeing as he and Harry weren’t feeling sleepy he decides to put in the next movie, Collateral Beauty, which he vaguely recalls his sisters mentioning during one of their conversations but he never got around to watching.

It’s only a few minutes into the movie that he realizes what the movie is all about and his mind screams: shit, crap, fucking hell!  
He clears his throat awkwardly feeling suffocated with the tension that suddenly fills the room.

‘I should probably pause the movie and put in another one.’ Louis thinks to himself but his body can’t seem to move, he’s frozen on the spot and forced to watch what feels like a freak accident happen and he can’t do anything about it.

They watch the movie in tension filled silence none of them moving, barely breathing. 

It’s only after the credit starts rolling is the silence disrupted. 

“I wish we could be strangers too.”

Harry says, so quietly with such vulnerability that it takes, Louis, a moment to process what he just said. Louis looks over at, Harry, who is sitting on the other end of the couch staring blankly at the screen. His face illuminated by the light from the screen. Silent tears running down his cheeks. 

“I really wish we could be strangers.”

Louis can’t help the painful skip of his heart beat. “Me too.”

****

Later that night…technically morning around 02:27A.M, Harry, is woken by a phone call by the Italy branch management informing him that the problem has escalated and that his presence is needed in Italy. 

Harry makes quick work of getting ready and makes sure to call his pilot to inform him to get his jet ready. 

“Going somewhere?”

Harry jumps at the sound of Louis’ voice behind him. “Jesus, Louis.” Harry whisper shouts and Louis has to stifle a laugh at how comical he looked when he jumped with fright wide eyes and all.

“Sorry,” Louis apologizes. “So where are you going?” 

“Um, I have to fly to, Italy, there’s an emergency that needs my attention.”

Louis frowns. “Italy? Where you planning on telling me or were you just going to sneak out?”

Guilt settles on Harry’s face. “I was going to call once I was at the airport.”

“Oh, hmm.” Louis comments clearly displeased. “I suppose that would be a lot easier than just knocking on my bedroom door, waking me up and then explaining the situation.”

“Lou…”

“When will you be back.” 

Harry looks down at feet. “A couple of days maybe.”

Louis sighs. “I planned on making you a Happy birthday breakfast, by that I mean I was going to run down to the bakery not too far from here and get us pastries but…” He shrugs. “It’s the thought that counts.”

And the guilt piles on. “Can it be a Happy belated birthday breakfast?”

Louis shrugs. “I suppose I don’t have much of a choice.”

Harry pulls, Louis in for a hug. “Thank you, Lou. Really thank you and I promise I will call you as soon as I land.”

“Okay,” Louis says quietly, melting into the hug and feeling a little thrown at this new sudden physical relationship that seems to have materialized out of nowhere.

Harry pulls away reluctantly, Louis, notice. “I’ll see you in a few days.” 

Louis nods. “I’ll walk you out.”

When they get to the front door, Louis, pulls Louis in for a hug and whispers in his ear. “Happy birthday.” 

They stand like that for a moment or two in each other’s arms before once again, Harry, pulls away reluctantly and this time a cold shiver runs down Louis spine like somebody walked over his grave.

“I’ll see you in a few days.” Harry says before walking out and Louis is left standing at the door long after, Harry, left.

 

****  
On his way to the airport, Harry, remembers that, James, took his laptop that he is probably going to need. 

“Dammit.” He curses under his breath. He presses a button on the steering wheel “Call, James.”

“Dialing James.” 

The car shortly filled with the sound of dial tone. “H-hello?”

“James, it’s Harry.”

“Harry?” there’s shuffling at the end of the line. “What time is it?”

“A little after two.”

“A.M?” James exclaims.

“Yes.”

“What are you doing up at two in the morning?”

“I’m flying out to, Italy, on business and I need my laptop.” Harry explains.

“Italy. Has that situation we talked about gotten worse.”

Harry rakes his fingers through his hair. “Yes, the manager in, Italy, said he sent me an email detailing everything and I asked him to cc you in it.” 

“I’ll look over it right now.” James says and Harry hears rustling on the end of the line and the faint sound of a woman’s voice asking what is happening.

“It’s okay love it’s just work, go back to sleep.” James says to his wife.

Harry bites his bottom lip feeling bad about waking James up. ‘I’m really sorry about waking up.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.”

Harry turns the last corner, his restaurant just up ahead. “Hey, James I’m about to reach the restaurant. Just to check my laptop is still in my office right?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Harry parks his car on the other side of the road across from the restaurant.  
He takes his phone and gets out of the car and crosses the street to the restaurant.

“Hey, Harry, isn’t today your birthday?” 

“It is.” He starts going through his pockets looking for his keys.

“Did you have anything special planned?”

Harry sighs heavily thinking about the thoughtful birthday breakfast, Louis, had planned for him. “No but someone I care about did and— Dammit.”

“What is it?”

Harry shakes his head and starts walking back to the car. “I left the keys in the car.”

James laughs. “Old age already starting to hit you, what are you only twenty-four and you’re already starting to lose your memory?”

“Ha ha, ha, very funny James.” Harry quips, reaching for his keys and turning on his heels heading back to the restaurant. “really very f…”

He does not see the car coming, he only hears the screech of the tires before a sharp pain runs down along his side and he is sent flying.  
He hits the gravel road hard when he lands his head bouncing off the concrete. He groans in pain.

He can hear his name being called from the tiny speaker of his cell across from him, he reaches his fingers out trying to get to it but his vison blacks out before he can and things are suddenly so peaceful.

p

p

“It is.” He starts going through his pockets looking for his keys.


End file.
